# Definite signs of death? I am in need of reassurance.



## AlanSoff (Sep 3, 2021)

Hello everyone. I lurked in this dear community for a long time and would love some advice/reassurance.

My beloved Button died 2 days ago. I found her cold and stiff in the cage. Her tongue was swollen. This struck as a shock because she was completely fine and energetic last night when we saw her. My girlfriend and I picked her up and wrapped her in our favourite T-shirts and spent a long time holding her.

Since we have no place to bury her and the burial prices are enormous here (we did not want to chip on the health budget for our living rats either), we decided to have her spend the night in the carrier we first brought her home in almost two years ago. We wrapped her in our favourite shirts, surrounded her with her favourite snacks and let her be until morning. The next morning she was still extremely cold and her red eyes began to turn pale. We said our goodbyes and disposed of her.

Now this will probably come across as silly or stupid and I am so sorry. I suffer from uncontrollable intrusive thoughts and I began to think “what if she wasn’t really dead”. Please, I need some reassurance on this matter. Cold and stiff and unresponsive for 12 hours can’t possibly mean she was alive? I am afraid I am in heavy denial and stress due to her death... I can’t stop crying.


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## Rat_mom_:) (Jun 23, 2021)

It sounds like she had passed.. losing a rat is so hard. If her red eyes turned pale that means the blood flow in her eyes diminished, so perhaps she had some internal bleeding. In my area at least, you can always take your passed rat to the vet and they will confirm the death for you at no cost. You can also get a necropsy (an autopsy for animals) but that you have to pay for. My condolences for your loss.


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## mudkipclove (Mar 13, 2021)

If she was cold and stiff, she was definitely gone. You made the right call. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## mudkipclove (Mar 13, 2021)

Intrusive thoughts and self-doubt are the worst. I experience these as well, so I understand how upsetting they can be. After a pet dies it's the hardest because it's easy to blame yourself, but there was really nothing you could do.


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## AlanSoff (Sep 3, 2021)

AlanSoff said:


> Hello everyone. I lurked in this dear community for a long time and would love some advice/reassurance.
> 
> My beloved Button died 2 days ago. I found her cold and stiff in the cage. Her tongue was swollen. This struck as a shock because she was completely fine and energetic last night when we saw her. My girlfriend and I picked her up and wrapped her in our favourite T-shirts and spent a long time holding her.
> 
> ...





AlanSoff said:


> Hello everyone. I lurked in this dear community for a long time and would love some advice/reassurance.
> 
> My beloved Button died 2 days ago. I found her cold and stiff in the cage. Her tongue was swollen. This struck as a shock because she was completely fine and energetic last night when we saw her. My girlfriend and I picked her up and wrapped her in our favourite T-shirts and spent a long time holding her.
> 
> ...





Rat_mom_:) said:


> It sounds like she had passed.. losing a rat is so hard. If her red eyes turned pale that means the blood flow in her eyes diminished, so perhaps she had some internal bleeding. In my area at least, you can always take your passed rat to the vet and they will confirm the death for you at no cost. You can also get a necropsy (an autopsy for animals) but that you have to pay for. My condolences for your loss.


Thank you very much for your response ❤


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## AlanSoff (Sep 3, 2021)

mudkipclove said:


> Intrusive thoughts and self-doubt are the worst. I experience these as well, so I understand how upsetting they can be. After a pet dies it's the hardest because it's easy to blame yourself, but there was really nothing you could do.


thank you, I think I am slowly calming down ❤ I wish you all the best and I hope you overcome the nastiness which are such intrusive thoughts too


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## lfraser06 (Aug 5, 2020)

AlanSoff said:


> Hello everyone. I lurked in this dear community for a long time and would love some advice/reassurance.
> Now this will probably come across as silly or stupid and I am so sorry. I suffer from uncontrollable intrusive thoughts and I began to think “what if she wasn’t really dead”. Please, I need some reassurance on this matter. Cold and stiff and unresponsive for 12 hours can’t possibly mean she was alive? I am afraid I am in heavy denial and stress due to her death... I can’t stop crying.


I had to put Suzie down a couple of weeks ago. She had stopped eating and drinking. The vet said she was extremely malnourished and dehydrated and he couldn't see anything wrong with her. I took her home and gave her a few more days of trying to encourage her to eat. I finally made the decision that enough was enough and I didn't want her to suffer through starving to death, so I put her down.

I spent the next two week wondering if I had acted too quickly, should I have given her more time? I know, without a doubt I did the best thing for her. My suggestion is simply let those intrusive thoughts roll through you and once they pass .... reassure yourself that it was out of your control and that you did the best you could for her.

Lather; rinse; repeat as often as those thoughts happen. Eventually they will happen less and less, until they're gone.

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## AlanSoff (Sep 3, 2021)

lfraser06 said:


> I had to put Suzie down a couple of weeks ago. She had stopped eating and drinking. The vet said she was extremely malnourished and dehydrated and he couldn't see anything wrong with her. I took her home and gave her a few more days of trying to encourage her to eat. I finally made the decision that enough was enough and I didn't want her to suffer through starving to death, so I put her down.
> 
> I spent the next two week wondering if I had acted too quickly, should I have given her more time? I know, without a doubt I did the best thing for her. My suggestion is simply let those intrusive thoughts roll through you and once they pass .... reassure yourself that it was out of your control and that you did the best you could for her.
> 
> ...


I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing this. While the endings are often painful, we must never forget that there was a time before death that was beautiful. Both are in the past now - we ought to focus on the prettier part of the past

again, thank you for sharing this and thank you for your advice


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