# Good-Bye Anga



## catty-ratty (Feb 21, 2016)

I thought I was ready to write this, that I could tell you good-bye without crying. I can't.

You've been gone 2 months now. I know something happened because every time you slipped outside on me, you were always waiting at the front door to get back in. I know you loved being outside. Maybe now you understand why I couldn't take you out, here deep in the country. You were bright white and easy to see. 

I found a place in the house that I didn't know about where you may have made a way out. This old house has seen better days. You managed to find the one place that you could chew a hole through the floor. Some of the other rats were down there. They came back up, but went right back down. The only one left now is Keisha. 

I've left that hole open, hoping you would turn up again. 8 weeks I've been waiting and hoping. I guess I've given up hope now. 

A couple of days before you left, you hopped into my purse as I was about to leave the house. It broke my heart that I couldn't take you with me. It was too hot and I couldn't have brought you in where I was going. I promised you that we'd go out early the next morning. 

That was a Saturday.

By the time you woke up on Sunday, it was too hot to take you out.

Monday I slept really late.

I didn't see you Tuesday morning. I figured I'd see you on your afternoon rounds about the house. By Wednesday morning, I still hadn't seen you. Later in the week, I found the hole. Pebbles led me to it. I couldn't follow her down the hole to get her back out. Tess, Tine Shine and Pebbles all disappeared with you. No one under the house, around the house. I called and called, but you didn't hear me. It was just me and Keisha. 

Everyone misses you terribly. Reese still looks under the couch and behind the doors for you. We've both been depressed. Keisha has begun to retreat into herself again. I didn't want to, I wasn't ready to, but for Keisha, I had to get another rat. But Chi-chi isn't you. 

Chi-chi might be a cousin or sister or distant relative. I got her from the same place you were at when you tricked me into taking you home with me. She made a B-line straight to my shoulder as soon as I picked her out of the cage at the store. That's exactly what you did. She stayed on my shoulder the rest of the day. Just like you did. She does so many of the things you did. It's hard to love her for who she is when everything she does makes me think of you. 

You were a one of a kind rat. Your heart and soul were just too big to live a tiny confined life. Your spirit would have withered locked up in a cage. You had too much courage, daring and zest for life to be content that way. No matter how big a cage I could have kept you in, you were too big for it. Your spirit is too bold for that. I could see it that day at the pet store. You are so much more than just a rat! You were desperate to get out! How could I have left you there?

I had never had a rat. Having a pet rat never even occurred to me! You locked eyes with me and tricked me into getting you out of there. I've been in awe of you ever since. You brought me so much joy and laughter! 

I love you so much Anga. I was angry with you for leaving! I'm so hurt! 

This is really hard, but I have to let you go now. Keisha needs me. Chi-chi needs me. I have to be here for her in her first days in her new home. I have to build a friendship with her despite the huge hole in my heart, the void that only you can fill. 

You're just too big for this world. You were meant to be free. 

As much as it hurts that you are gone, I wouldn't do a single thing different. 

I am grateful and honored to be the one who set your soul free.


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

No way! I'm so sorry. 

Sent from my LG-H812 using Tapatalk


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## Ratloved (Oct 4, 2015)

So so sorry for your loss.


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## Kelsbels (Aug 12, 2015)

I'm sorry for your loss


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## moonkissed (Dec 26, 2011)

I am very sorry for your loss


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## Rattielover965 (Apr 26, 2016)

Sorry for your loss😔


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

I'm so sorry about Anga, Tess, Tine Shine and Pebbles. It is so unlike rats to do that, unless very skittish & new maybe, but that wasn't the case here. I know some people who free range their rats in their home don't see their rats for a day or two sometimes, but they always come back. Rats keep close to their mischief and humans. The only thing I can think of to explain what happened is that you probably have wild rats in your walls/floors. Your girls must have smelled male rats and when in heat went for it It is such a tragedy what happened to you and 4 of your rats, I'm so sorry for your losses.


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Fluffy was gone for 5 months and turned up again, living in the neighbor's house with his pit bulls... We were sure she was dead too, but we got her back... So anything is possible, she was mostly white too, but in the end, she was also part wild and she was born with the skill set she needed to survive... still, you can't count a rat out... ever... Who knows, maybe Anga and her friends are busy raising pups somewhere out there in the wilds of Texas... 

But I do understand that you have to let go and move on. After about two months, that's what we did... We called, put out food, even put her cage outside... Fluffy didn't come back... We even saw a glimpse of a white animal in the yard once just past dusk... and I called into the darkness and she didn't come back... so I had to assume it wasn't her... We adopted Fuzzy Rat and time moved on again, although we were happy to get Fluffy back, the odds were thousands to one and we did the right thing by getting on with our lives. 

Similarly, Wilder, the only true shoulder Black Rat, went out a window one night and moved into the barn where he was born... His owner assumed he was dead until he turned up in her bedroom again one night while she was sleeping... but he never came back home inside to her... He moved on and started his own family. And our rat Curly left us and never came back... It's strangely part of raising a competent child, sometimes they leave home and go out on their own. And, in a world that's cruel to rats... sometimes bad things happen sometimes good things happen... sometimes we never know.

And yes... bad things happen to rats even in our own homes... Fluffy was killed by a door... after she survived outdoors for 5 months on her own, she dove through a door that was closing... a split second mistake... in the blink of an eye, she was gone. Sure she might have lived longer in a cage, she might have even lived longer if she hadn't come home... but compared to the life she lead, she would never have lived at all in a cage. Rats lives are short, but they have to be worth living in the end.

Strangely, when the amazing Fuzzy Rat died quietly in her cage, I stood there in disbelief... I couldn't wrap my head around it... She got old and she was more tumors than rat.. I imagined her falling off of our car at highway speeds... or falling out of a tall tree, or getting eaten by something or any one of a thousand horrific endings... but the most unexpected was her succumbing to sickness and old age... maybe that was the most tragic ending for an amazing true shoulder rat I could have imagined... but she chose her time and her place, she left us when her work was done and she couldn't go on another day. No rat ever lived a fuller life.. and despite cheating death a thousand times no rat lives forever.

When we look back at our lives, be they long or short, they boil down to a series of moments. We don't remember the time we spent sleeping or reading or playing video games... those are the times between the moments that we really lived. Perhaps... our whole lives boil down to just a few moments when we truly live. And I know you gave Anga lots of special moments and the opportunity to live life boldly and in a her own special way, in the end that as the very best you could do for her and she had a better life for it.

You have my sympathies and my condolences for your loss, permanent or temporary. Anga is in another place on either side of the rainbow bridge, somewhere frolicking with a new family of rat friends. But no matter what happened it's something she chose, or a risk she took... We do the best we can every day to raise our children and our rats... we always hope for the best... but we can never predict what tomorrow will bring. Personal friends of mine had relatives and family that went to work in the world trade center on a beautiful sunny September 11th... We all know how that story ended. If they just stayed home that day, if they called out sick or got stuck in traffic, or their cars broke down, things would have been different.... if something really bad happened to them like a car accident, it still would have been better than getting to work on time that morning... We try to do what's right and things sometimes go terribly wrong... What if... what if... it can drive you crazy.... What if Anga wasn't MIA? Well Chi-Chi wouldn't have a great new home with a mommy to lover her, at least we know that for sure... 

Chi-Chi won't ever be Anga, but in a way Anga made room for Chi-Chi to have a great life too. No life well lived is ever wasted.

_Vita brevis, sed amor aeternum est._


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## Ratloved (Oct 4, 2015)

You know Ratdaddy, when you write something like that, the one thought that crosses my mind is that you should be a writer. That was a joy to read, except it brought tears to my eyes. You write very eloquently. The words in this post could cross bridges and help people move on from all kinds of lost loves critter or human. Thank you for sharing your thoughts once again.


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