# I despise my brother in law and his wife.



## Hey-Fay

First off let me state that I've never liked my brother in law. He has this holier than thou attitude that just makes you want to punch him in the nose. He's 27 and the oldest child of two. Tyler and I have been together for seven years and even though we call ourselves husband and wife we aren't officially wed yet. The reason for this is that we live with his parents while we attend school and they had a big fuss about it so we dropped it for now, we didn't see the point in starting an argument. About three months ago Nick, douchebag brother, came out and told us that not only was he and Kristina expecting, they got married in secret back in April of last year. Oh and I forgot to mention that he still lives at home with his parents and not with his very pregnant wife. She's a month and a half away from having him and they're still looking for a house. Now I'll admit that the news of them getting secretly married didn't sit well with myself and Ty but we didn't make a fuss and congratulated them. Fast forward a month after they break the news to us, Nick tells us that Kristina is afraid of my girls. Ok, that's fine I just keep them away from her when she's over. Now I have to explain somethings about the family dog. She's fifteen years old and very very sweet, but she's quite senile. I've had dogs all my life, mostly Great Danes, and my two oldest lived to be 18, one passed away then the other the following year. It got to the point where they couldn't hold their bladder and they would defecate in their sleep. Now the family dog can't hold her bladder or her bowls either but still has a few years left in her so we do what we can for her, which boils down to monthly vet visits and good diet. Now we move onto my girls. My mother in law loves them and is especially fond of Lilly. My father in law actually likes them better than the dog because they're so clean and I keep the cage and my room, where they free range, so clean. Before Nick and Kristina ever started dating he thought they were cool, but now he doesn't like them because she doesn't. Now is where I get mad. Yesterday Nick told Mary, mother in law, that Kristina and Him won't bring the baby over because of my girls. Apparently they found a small dried rat turd in the the corner of one of the rooms and freaked out. My girls stay upstairs and haven't been downstairs in months. Which means it probably fell out of a trash bag that I'd used to clean their cage out with. It doesn't matter that my girls are cleaner than the dog and will never even see my nephew in his infant state, Nick is a douche and so is his wife. Even if i didn't have rats I'm sure Nick and Kristina would find some other reason to not bring Max over, he doesn't want Mary around him. Why? Because he is a dick. It doesn't matter what we tell them or what we show them, they're just to pigheaded. I hope so hard that Max grows up different than his parents.


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## Hey-Fay

I also forgot to mention that they were together less than three months before they got hitched.


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## ratswithfoxandbear

Please correct my if I am mis-reading.

This woman is going to deny the grandparents visitation to their home because of your pets that stay in one room. What is that even? I am so sorry. It does sound pretty pigheaded. There needs to be a compromise in these circumstances. Your girls stay in your room, so I would argue that is compromise enough. You keep living your life and then she gets over her jerkishness.


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## Hey-Fay

ratswithfoxandbear said:


> Please correct my if I am mis-reading.This woman is going to deny the grandparents visitation to their home because of your pets that stay in one room. What is that even? I am so sorry. It does sound pretty pigheaded. There needs to be a compromise in these circumstances. Your girls stay in your room, so I would argue that is compromise enough. You keep living your life and then she gets over her jerkishness.


You read it correctly. My girls stay upstairs, I don't bring them down because the rest of the house isn't 100% rat proofed. When anyone wants to see the girls they come in our room and play with them there. The thing that makes me mad the most is that the dog pees a puddle the size of one of the great lakes and leaves brown spots all over the carpet. Don't get me wrong, I love her but jeez my girls are so much cleaner and a single dried turd is what set them off? That's some bull crap.


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## ElleBelinski

they are so ignorant. i cant believe they feel that this is perfectly okay. your rats cant even harm the child. ughhhhh i'd cut off from them if i was you. block them out completely. i would still by the child birthday and christmas presents and be there for support when ever it is needed but these people are not woth your time.


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## Hey-Fay

ElleBelinski said:


> they are so ignorant. i cant believe they feel that this is perfectly okay. your rats cant even harm the child. ughhhhh i'd cut off from them if i was you. block them out completely. i would still by the child birthday and christmas presents and be there for support when ever it is needed but these people are not woth your time.


I agree. Thing is is that I love children, I have a very strong maternal bond and I was looking forward to baby sitting and taking him out to fairs and things when he's older. But now I have a feeling that they're not going to let Ty or myself near him. I even doubt that they'll let Mary watch him. He'll probably see more of her side of the family than us. Makes me mad every time I think about it.


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## ElleBelinski

thats really F****** unfair. they shouldnt make you feel like that just because you own rats. i really feel for you on this one but if it was me i'd just cut off from them. my rats are there for me no matter what so they come first.


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## Hey-Fay

Yes it is. Mary was trying to get me to go to the baby shower but I refused because I have really really really bad social anxiety and that was just a panic attack waiting to happen. But now there's no way I'm going. I'm so mad at them I may not even go to the hospital with them when she goes into labor. I can totally see Nick not letting Tyler and I hold him even though I have more mothering experience in my freakin pinky than they do combine! I raised both siblings from birth till about three years ago when I moved up here. Ugh I'm just disgusted with them.


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## sachaaa

I'm sorry, but don't let your baby crawl around on the floor in a house that isn't your own. There are tons of things on floors that could hurt a child, from medication somebody dropped that rolled away, to tacks or other sharp objects. Any house that isn't your own isn't baby-proofed to your standards, and even in your own home you should be watching your child like a hawk. It bothers me when people push their own neurotic issues onto other people or want somebody else to be responsible for keeping a location safe for their child, that baby is going to be more poorly behaved than your rats are.


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## Daize

Hey-Fay said:


> First off let me state that I've never liked my brother in law. He has this holier than thou attitude that just makes you want to punch him in the nose. He's 27 and the oldest child of two. Tyler and I have been together for seven years and even though we call ourselves husband and wife we aren't officially wed yet. The reason for this is that we live with his parents while we attend school and they had a big fuss about it so we dropped it for now, we didn't see the point in starting an argument. About three months ago Nick, douchebag brother, came out and told us that not only was he and Kristina expecting, they got married in secret back in April of last year. Oh and I forgot to mention that he still lives at home with his parents and not with his very pregnant wife. She's a month and a half away from having him and they're still looking for a house. Now I'll admit that the news of them getting secretly married didn't sit well with myself and Ty but we didn't make a fuss and congratulated them. Fast forward a month after they break the news to us, Nick tells us that Kristina is afraid of my girls. Ok, that's fine I just keep them away from her when she's over. Now I have to explain somethings about the family dog. She's fifteen years old and very very sweet, but she's quite senile. I've had dogs all my life, mostly Great Danes, and my two oldest lived to be 18, one passed away then the other the following year. It got to the point where they couldn't hold their bladder and they would defecate in their sleep. Now the family dog can't hold her bladder or her bowls either but still has a few years left in her so we do what we can for her, which boils down to monthly vet visits and good diet. Now we move onto my girls. My mother in law loves them and is especially fond of Lilly. My father in law actually likes them better than the dog because they're so clean and I keep the cage and my room, where they free range, so clean. Before Nick and Kristina ever started dating he thought they were cool, but now he doesn't like them because she doesn't. Now is where I get mad. Yesterday Nick told Mary, mother in law, that Kristina and Him won't bring the baby over because of my girls. Apparently they found a small dried rat turd in the the corner of one of the rooms and freaked out. My girls stay upstairs and haven't been downstairs in months. Which means it probably fell out of a trash bag that I'd used to clean their cage out with. It doesn't matter that my girls are cleaner than the dog and will never even see my nephew in his infant state, Nick is a douche and so is his wife. Even if i didn't have rats I'm sure Nick and Kristina would find some other reason to not bring Max over, he doesn't want Mary around him. Why? Because he is a dick. It doesn't matter what we tell them or what we show them, they're just to pigheaded. I hope so hard that Max grows up different than his parents.


Being pregnant can mess with a woman. Her maternal instincts can kick into overdrive and even a single rat poop can cause unreasonable thoughts/behavior. I don't know how she was prior to being pregnant, but you said she's due in a month and half. This could mean she's in "nesting mode". Just like a rat, some women feel the need to make sure their environment is perfect for the baby. Any thing that can be conceived at a threat to the child must be avoided or removed. In a rat, they build a nest, they might even become aggressive towards a perceived intruder. It's what a mother rat will do to protect her young. In humans it's a hormonal thing, but it's still basically the same reaction. With rats, "most times" this behavior will pass. In humans it can also pass, but not always. As for your brother in law..... he will always follow the rule, "happy wife, happy life". 

The way they feel about your rats could change over time, but if the way there are now is the way they've "always been" chances are it won't change. 

Give them time and see what happens. In the meanwhile, just think of her as a nesting rat trying to do what's best for her baby.


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## Hey-Fay

sachaaa said:


> I'm sorry, but don't let your baby crawl around on the floor in a house that isn't your own. There are tons of things on floors that could hurt a child, from medication somebody dropped that rolled away, to tacks or other sharp objects. Any house that isn't your own isn't baby-proofed to your standards, and even in your own home you should be watching your child like a hawk. It bothers me when people push their own neurotic issues onto other people or want somebody else to be responsible for keeping a location safe for their child, that baby is going to be more poorly behaved than your rats are.


I do believe you misread or misunderstood. I do not have children. My brother in law and his wife are expecting and they, and I quote, "will not bring their baby to this (his parents house) house because I have pet rats. My girls DO NOT run around anywhere but in my bedroom where they free range. I'm upset because of this because the family dog leaves messes around the house but it was a stray DRIED rat dropping (that fell out of a garbage bag) that set them off and made them say that they aren't going to bring the baby over. THEY ARE DENYING THAT BABY'S GRANDPARENTS THE RIGHT TO SEE HIM because I have pet rats. Even though they stay upstairs.Also even if I did have children I sure as heck wouldn't push them off on someone else! I raised both of my siblings. I know how to raise a child because I HAD too. And my girls are very well behaved, thank you very much.Maybe actually read the thread before you comment.


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## Hey-Fay

Daize said:


> Being pregnant can mess with a woman. Her maternal instincts can kick into overdrive and even a single rat poop can cause unreasonable thoughts/behavior. I don't know how she was prior to being pregnant, but you said she's due in a month and half. This could mean she's in "nesting mode". Just like a rat, some women feel the need to make sure their environment is perfect for the baby. Any thing that can be conceived at a threat to the child must be avoided or removed. In a rat, they build a nest, they might even become aggressive towards a perceived intruder. It's what a mother rat will do to protect her young. In humans it's a hormonal thing, but it's still basically the same reaction. With rats, "most times" this behavior will pass. In humans it can also pass, but not always. As for your brother in law..... he will always follow the rule, "happy wife, happy life". The way they feel about your rats could change over time, but if the way there are now is the way they've "always been" chances are it won't change. Give them time and see what happens. In the meanwhile, just think of her as a nesting rat trying to do what's best for her baby.


Ha! I never thought of it that way. Honestly I didn't think about her nesting either. My mum did that with both of my siblings, I should have realized. Unfortunately, she's never liked my girls. I kept them away from her because I knew she was uncomfortable around them. But Nick, since he started seeing her, loudly voices what "nasty little vermin" they are, even though he thought they were cool when i first got them. Also he doesn't want his mother watching the baby and honestly I haven't the slightest idea why other than he's a a-hole and it'll upset her. He's mean that way.


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## ElleBelinski

best reply i've ever seen


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## Mike&Sully'sMummy

Hey-Fay said:


> I do believe you misread or misunderstood. I do not have children. My brother in law and his wife are expecting and they, and I quote, "will not bring their baby to this (his parents house) house because I have pet rats. My girls DO NOT run around anywhere but in my bedroom where they free range. I'm upset because of this because the family dog leaves messes around the house but it was a stray DRIED rat dropping (that fell out of a garbage bag) that set them off and made them say that they aren't going to bring the baby over. THEY ARE DENYING THAT BABY'S GRANDPARENTS THE RIGHT TO SEE HIM because I have pet rats. Even though they stay upstairs.Also even if I did have children I sure as heck wouldn't push them off on someone else! I raised both of my siblings. I know how to raise a child because I HAD too. And my girls are very well behaved, thank you very much.Maybe actually read the thread before you comment.



I think Sachaaa was talking about your husbands brothers wife, saying that the craziness over the poop is stupid because she shouldn't be letting her child roam around a house that isn't hers. I don't think she meant to be rude to you or anything, I think she just didn't make it very clear who she was aiming her comment at. I'm pretty sure she was sticking up for you against your family


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## Hey-Fay

Mike&Sully'sMummy said:


> I think Sachaaa was talking about your husbands brothers wife, saying that the craziness over the poop is stupid because she shouldn't be letting her child roam around a house that isn't hers. I don't think she meant to be rude to you or anything, I think she just didn't make it very clear who she was aiming her comment at. I'm pretty sure she was sticking up for you against your family


If that's true then I do apologize, sorry for getting defensive! I though the comment was lobbed towards me. 
No hard feelings, Sachaaa?
And thanks, M&S for suggesting that I might have misunderstood her comment. :3!


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## Persian_boy

Wait now I'm confused with who's living with who. If Nick and Kristina don't want to bring baby over to grandma "because of your girls", then have grandma go to them. Now I know that sounds really unfair (and it is), but stick with me here. You can drop off grandma at their house and leave her there for HOURS to torment Kristina and pick her up after the day's over. They may have shot themselves in the foot with the excuse about your sweet girls. heheh. Seems devious‎, but...well it is and it will really show whether or not its the rats that they want to avoid or grandma or something else. 

In-laws can be really really difficult. It makes perfect sense that Nick changed from liking them to not because of Kristina. Who wants trouble in paradise 24/7? Unfortunately people are soooooo hard to break the stigma associated with rats. They are stuck on associating domestic rats with wild rats. It's sad.


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## Hey-Fay

Persian_boy said:


> Wait now I'm confused with who's living with who. If Nick and Kristina don't want to bring baby over to grandma "because of your girls", then have grandma go to them. Now I know that sounds really unfair (and it is), but stick with me here. You can drop off grandma at their house and leave her there for HOURS to torment Kristina and pick her up after the day's over. They may have shot themselves in the foot with the excuse about your sweet girls. heheh. Seems devious‎, but...well it is and it will really show whether or not its the rats that they want to avoid or grandma or something else. In-laws can be really really difficult. It makes perfect sense that Nick changed from liking them to not because of Kristina. Who wants trouble in paradise 24/7? Unfortunately people are soooooo hard to break the stigma associated with rats. They are stuck on associating domestic rats with wild rats. It's sad.


Oh, I like you! Your suggestion made me cackle. Nick lives here with his parents, him and Kristina are still looking for a place and their running out of time. We will definitely drop Mary off once they have a place of their own. Mary is disabled but doesn't let it slow her down. Now other than being slightly neurotic and very chatty I don't know why Nick acts the way he does towards her. I've lived here for three years and yes, sometimes she makes me pull my hair out, but she's as sweat as can be and very loving.


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## Mike&Sully'sMummy

Hey-Fay said:


> If that's true then I do apologize, sorry for getting defensive! I though the comment was lobbed towards me.
> No hard feelings, Sachaaa?
> And thanks, M&S for suggesting that I might have misunderstood her comment. :3!


Haha, you could've been right, I just wanted to suggest a possible different way of looking at it  Who knows? Let's just keep the peace and all be friends


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