# Mother and weight



## Penelepe (Jan 12, 2014)

I love my mom, but she has a serious obsession with weight. And the past month or so she is critisizing my weight. I know I am over weight. Only a little, but I am. 

I know its healthy to be a good weight and excersise reguraly. I try to excersise when I can. But its not healthy to obsess over my weight 24/7. And I think she wants me to do that. I dont want to, I dont want to be even more stressed because I'm not skinny. 

So what if I'm not skinny? Weight doesn't define me. If I am proud of my body then dont critisize me. 

That sort of talk can cause eating disorder. My sister is already obsessed about her weight. But she is skinny. But my mom still critisizes her weight. 

Ugh /rant

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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

Have you tried talking to your mom about this in a calm way? 

It is important to eat healthy and exercise. People who appear "overweight" could be eating healthy and exercising. Thin is not an immediate indicator of health. I believe that people push appearance so much on young people, and you are right in saying it can cause obsessive behavior towards calorie-counting and over-exercising. Of course, if your mom wants to make sure you are eating healthy and exercising, I get that, too. Perhaps explaining to your mom that you do eat healthy and exercise (as long as you do those things, of course) could alleviate her stress?

There are many diseases and disorders that are connected to weight. I understand that many people would argue that this caused by a fat-phobic thin-obsessed society, Regardless of the social perceptions, my family members that have Diabetes all are severely overweight. People die of heart problems and a characteristic of these heart problems is obesity (and extreme-thinness, actually). She may fear that you could get to this point if you do not start taking care of your body now. Does she know anyone who died or struggles with these issues? Has she? It is not fair that you are at the tail-end of criticism based on your mother's potential fears, but perhaps she just needs to know that you are keeping yourself healthy.

I struggle/d with an eating disorder for a very long time. My mother and aunt both had/ have eating disorders. It is not a joke, but I also would argue that there is more to a disorder than simply wanting to get thin. Wanting to be thin did not land me on a feeding tube... there were a LOT of other things happening that caused that severity. This was a side-note to that point about eating disordered behavior and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Also, last not-so-PC point, you are so wonderful in saying that your weight does not define you. You should take your mother's criticisms and learn how to handle that because weight does affect how people perceive you. Although it is appalling, overweight people are less likely to get jobs and are more likely to be verbally abused. This is not to tell you to lose weight, this is to tell you that there are WAY too many people in the world that agree with your mother and act the way she does. Studies prove that overweight people suffer on the stupid basis of their appearance and society's perception of "correct appearance." It is all very screwed up, and sadly, this may be something that you face whether it is from mom or someone else.

I'd try talking to her and if she won't listen, surround yourself with positive people and good inspiration that does not come in a size 0. This is not to bash thin people or anything, but there are healthy, active, happy and beautiful (if you care about that) women and men that are not thin. It's rad, and surrounding yourself with those images could hopefully help you know that (just like you said) your weight does not have to define you. Also, no one should actually care about this as an issue. It's really weird and dumb and has changed historically over time for no real reason. (Yes, I know there are lots of reasons but for the sake of succinctness, I am saying it is all pretty unfortunate.)


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## Penelepe (Jan 12, 2014)

Thank you so much... You helped me understand a bit of her behaviour, she has type 2 diabetes and if she doesnt excersise reguraly she gains a lot of weight so I understand. 

I'm just under huge stress and critisicm just makes me feel worse about myself. 

I applaud you for beating your disorder, I am actually also on the road to recovery from SH and I'm 2 months clean. 
That is also a reason that I dont want to hear about my weight, it makes recovery harder.

I have a sturdy frame (think demi lovato) that also makes me also seem overweight. Or maybe its my imagination. 

I'm probably just frustrated with myself and life in general for this to irritate me. I'll try talking to her tomorrow as we have a long wait to make an appointment for my license (19 this year)

Thank you so much
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## nanashi7 (Jun 5, 2013)

I have a "curvy" type body - short, big hips small waist. I was down to 125 through anorexia, and guess what. People still called me fat. My stomach was flat and I had that gap in the thighs that people think is ideal. And I was miserable. If it wasn't comments on how I wasn't skinny, it was comments on how I must be doing drugs to get thin. 

I am overweight now and actually happier. I know I don't fit the ideal image of sexy, and that's okay. I found someone who loved me through literal thick and thin. I actually think my thicker frame works best for me, I get to wear what I want and it doesn't matter. I enjoy long civil war type skirts, corsets and velvet cloaks. Skinny girls I don't think look good in corsets and they are judged harsher for "weird" clothing. 


It makes me so sad when families pressure their kids like this. My mom doesn't and never has, thank god. She takes our appearances in stride and our eatin plans. We were just joking that her diet is a see food diet because we watched commercials and she kept saying mmm I want them. My ex's mom once told him he had fat wrists...what? How does someone have fat wrists? He is already the tall thin type and he wanted to start dieting and when I talked to him the goal weight was severely underweight by BMi standards. (Not saying BMi is perfect: it is just height v weight, doesn't factor in much else.)


In short. Never listen to anyone the minute they talk about weight. If you understand health facts, follow them, then be happy. Don't even think about fretting over it. You'll spend your entire life being miserable if you care what others think. I trust my friends and my significant other to tell me if I am endangering myself.


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## Gannyaan (Dec 7, 2012)

nanashi7 said:


> In short. Never listen to anyone the minute they talk about weight. If you understand health facts, follow them, then be happy. Don't even think about fretting over it. You'll spend your entire life being miserable if you care what others think. I trust my friends and my significant other to tell me if I am endangering myself.


Couldn't have said it better... Just strive to be healthy  





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## Dovahkiin (Sep 24, 2013)

My mom is the same way... she actually got sick last year for being too skinny :/

I admit I'm very overweight and I would love to lose it, I haven't really tried hard, mostly because I'm very busy with school and work.

My parents usually go for a walk every morning, and I'd love to go with them, but it's always at different times and they either don't tell me or announce it at the last minute. Then my mom gets mad and lectures me the whole walk about exercising and that I never go for a walk...
I would if:
A) You would give me at least 10 minutes to get ready.
B) You wouldn't make it unpleasant every time I went with you >.<

I'm probably going to buy a stroller for my cat and take her on walks with me every day, she's much more pleasant and doesn't nag me.

My mom goes on and on about how everything in our house is healthy and she doesn't buy fat foods, but when I go to eat a chicken hot dog, I apparently need to stop "eating things that are so fat"
You just told me that EVERYTHING in our house was diet! >.<


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## sherlockandwatson (Feb 22, 2014)

My grandma always criticizes me and says stuff like "Should you really be eating that?" Or "Have you gone running in the past week your looking a little.....Flabby." Direct quotes from my grandmother. I just learned to ignore her and I realized that I am beautiful the way I am and I don't have to change that unless I want to.


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## Penelepe (Jan 12, 2014)

Yesterday my mom took me to a weight loss class with her and after having a horrible day with my depression and me trying to wean myself off the pills. I actually felt better.

But yesterday with days without excersise I felt confident. But for some reason after excersise. I feel not confident at all. 
The lady that cleans the house for us came back monday from maternity leave and first thing shr said to me is that Im fat. And every now and again when I go get a snack or food she will say "fatty" I love her but it seriously annoys me and makes me feel bad about myself. 

Why does weight matter so much in this society? It sucks...

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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

Society stinks pretty much. Appearance has always mattered, and people have altered their appearance to fit ideals and standards for as long as we know. It was not always weight, but there were alterations happening for years and years and years. It's a strange "grass is greener" or "If you aren't feeling crappy, you aren't doing it right" thing.

In regards to exercise and not feeling crappy... People who exercise and watch their weight go through periods of feeling unhappy with their results. It makes sense to me that you would exercise and feel a little down. (Exercise advice ahead/ Skip if you're uninterested, please!) _If you want this to work for you in a positive way, I would not think about it in terms of Scale Number or BMI. Instead, give yourself an exercise goal that is very tangible. If you run, make it a timed goal. How long will you run for? If you are doing squats or push-ups, how many will you do? The first time I did this I tried to exercise with no goals in mind. I saw what I could do before getting tired. It became my short-term goal to move a little faster, tighten up my form or do a few extra squats. Muscle weighs more than fat. People who are toned and healthy weigh more than people that are skinny and weak. It's a fact.
_
If you choose to ignore it, commit wholeheartedly because (unfortunately!!) you will not stop hearing it unless you choose to stop hearing it. Furthermore, change what fat means to you. Fat is used as an insult, and it is because society has equated fat with bad. Fat does not need to be bad. Heck, Honey Boo Boo once said, "This makes me look like a chunky melon." Her mom replied, "It does and you're beautiful." That's what I am saying. Chunky, curvy, fat does not need to mean bad to you. It may mean something negative to someone else, but this is because they are assigning value to an attribute. It's general nonsense.

You do with it what you want. Ignore it, accept it, embrace it, fight back, exercise... all reasonable options. Different people choose different methods.


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

My brother is that way. He is obsessed with being lean and built and he expects me to be the same way. I can't even eat without being judged....
I'm actually working on losing weight. I am having major trouble eating right though....
I have been exercising the past few days though and I can't tell you how sore I am...

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## Xerneas (Aug 6, 2013)

I just wanted to say that even though I completely understand thinner people do not undergo anywhere near the same amount of horrible treatment that people of a larger size do, it's not exactly always a cakewalk either. A lot of people think that because a thin body is the stereotypical 'healthy' body in society, that skinny people don't get crap either. And that's definitely not true. I am a very naturally skinny person. I used to eat really healthy, but I haven't been keeping that trend up as of late at all -- everything I've been eating recently for the past few months has usually been pretty terrible. And I haven't gained any weight whatsoever; in fact, I've lost some. However, I have gotten some very hurtful comments from people PLENTY of times before about how thin and scrawny I look, or asked if I ever eat, if I'm starving myself, or told that I should gain weight. I cannot stand being looked at like I must be the embodiment of happiness itself just because I am skinny by some people I've met, when in reality, there's an enormous double standard -- you can't be too 'fat' but you can't be a 'skeleton' either. 

Like I said, I know that people of a larger size have it way, way harder and often very differently when it comes to size discrimination, but it does go in all directions. Thin =/= healthy. Society is terrible about this and everyone should learn to love their own bodies.


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## luvmy4rats (Nov 29, 2013)

I wonder if our mothers are embarrassed when we are overweight? My mom is thin-obsessed and doesn't eat three meals a day for fear of getting fat. She criticizes overweight people and really wasn't thrilled when I became overweight. However, when I lost my weight she didn't say anything. But of course if a man is a wee bit chubby she is okay with that. I don't know what that's about!


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## xColdBones (Jun 21, 2014)

My grandma is very critical over my weight, acne, and just about every decision I make. She makes me feel pretty crappy sometimes. She's always judging my hair color, or my outfit. Mostly my weight. Ever since she started Weight Watchers, she has been saying something to me almost every day. She is more overweight than I am, and she is thinking she is supermodel thin or something. I mean, I admit she lost weight, but she won't tell me her weight or show me on a scale, yet she criticizes my weight. 

I am slightly overweight, and very insecure about my body. She doesn't get to me all the time, but sometimes she really pushes my buttons. My mom is very skinny on the other hand, she has got to 98 before. I get really worried about her sometimes. She doesn't starve herself, she just doesn't eat a lot. My grandma never says anything to her though. I definitely understand how you feel, and it's bad enough society judges, but now family members, people who brought us to this world are judging. I feel like I never have a say in what I do anymore. The only real person I trust is my mom. I wish I could live with her, honestly.


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