# Friendship Issues..



## Pan&Lou (Jun 14, 2013)

I've been best friends with my best friend "Lola" since 7th grade. We started talking in the second week of school and just really clicked.
Now, going into 10th grade we've struggled a bit with not having all of our classes together like we did in middle school, but we still had three of eight classes and lunch together. "Lola" used to be really shy just like me, its a wonder we ever got to know each other since we barely ever talked! But this year she became more social and has made friends, but if anything I've become less social. I used to love school but I hate it now. The classes are hard, but it'd be okay if I had friends. I am on talking level with one girl who was in a few of my classes, and I became pretty good friends with an older acquaintance from middle school. 
I feel like she acts differently around me then she does around her other friends, she tends to be loud around them, but calmer and has intelligent conversations with me. It didn't get to bad until she got this friend on the bus "Joe" and he broke up with his on-off girlfriend and decided to lean on Lola. One day, he asked if he could come with her in the morning to where her and I usually meet and catch up, she said she'd rather not since it's kind of "our time." Well then they started going out. At first she brought him and we basically ignored him as we chatted since they rode the bus together and stuff and already talked. But by the second half of the year I was the one being ignored. Now fast forward to school being over and it's my birthday, I texted her and invited her over to come eat cake and stuff and maybe spend the night and she replies "I'd love to but my mom and I are going shopping." What the heck? I honestly just couldn't believe that. Then she texted me again and said "We are going to go to get FROYO and since its right by your house I guess you can come" (yes, she said 'I guess') of course, I said yes. I climbed into the car, and who is going to get FROYO with us and go shopping afterwards but Joe. We go the froyo store and are eating and her mom gets angry all of a sudden because of something said on facebook and Lola and Joe are talking to her and completely not filling me in until finally her mom looks at me and says "My husband and I are going through a very, very nasty divorce" (now, little flash back to the beginning of eight grade when her mom and step-dad might have been getting a divorce, I was the only person she told and she practically cried in my arms all of Science class, this time I had no idea. But Joe was very well informed apparently). Then her mom went out to call her sister or something and Lola got up to throw something away so it was just Joe and I. Joe leaned over and asks me why Lola and I never hang out. I told him that I invited her over tonight and she said no. He was just like "oh." (Now, Joe's a nice, understanding guy. I think the probably is mostly Lola.) So we get in the car and her mom says "We aren't going shopping, we are going home" so she drops me off. 
Whenever I text her and she takes forever to text me back even if we are having a conversation I can ask "Is Joe there" and he always is. No matter what the heck she is doing. 
We used to text constantly over the Summer since she'd go away (oh yeah, she stayed her this Summer for the sole purpose of hanging out with her friends, aka me and Joe. Apparently just Joe.) and have very long conversations and discuss lots of things, but now I can text her a story that she should be able to converse with me about and she goes "Oh that is cool." And sometimes I try to respond, but sometimes I don't. 
I finally got her to come over the other day, but I'm pretty sure I guilted her into it by saying "I don't understand why you can't take one day just to hang out with me for a few hours" (she had said she couldn't come over because her mom wanted to cook dinner and wanted company) I've never been so straight forward with anyone before but she responded "Well, you got lucky. My mom decided she doesn't want to cook dinner." So suddenly I felt just plain awkward. 
It was lovely seeing her and I miss our old relationship, I don't think she knows how dependent I am on her. I value friendship to no end, so when I hit gold with someone like her, I need them. 
Any ideas on her to get her to see how I feel in a subtle manor? 

I feel like I'm probably exaggerating the problem, but like I said, I need to need someone, and I need someone to need me. Lola used to need me. But now she doesn't seem to so much.
It feels good to get that out of my system. No idea why I'm posting it on this website, but I guess like-minded people can help understand, the rat community is always so lovely and supportive I could use it on a non-animal related issue


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## mimsy (Jun 8, 2014)

I feel terrible for you. If Lola's Mom is going through a nasty divorce, it can really effect everyone in the home, including their personality. I don't really have any advice, but I hope you and your friend work it out or you find someone else you can rely on.


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## Pan&Lou (Jun 14, 2013)

I do sympathize with her on the divorce, I had no idea it was happening and wish she would have told me. They just all seem to nonchalant about it, it's more of her mom being angry then them being sad. 
Thank you <3


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## nanashi7 (Jun 5, 2013)

To be honest, this does happen in high school and it sucks to be "the one left behind". Same thing happened with my old best friend, Stephanie. She got new friends, I got a few acquaintances and suddenly she was gone. It doesn't help if this is her first boyfriend as people get like that with them. 

If you try to communicate with her and she won't listen I would give it up.


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## bloomington bob (Mar 25, 2014)

It could be, that given the stress of the divorce and the face that she has a bf now have (unfairly) shifted her focus away from your friendship - things may change, and you may be closer again, but maybe not. I'd hang loose with this friendship and try to cultivate others


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## Pan&Lou (Jun 14, 2013)

Yeah, I tried preparing myself for change in high school. It was just hard to imagine anything being different. I guess I'll see what happens next school year. 
I think part of the problem is I don't really like her new friends or whatever. I gravitate towards other quiet people and she went towards loud people. 
It feels good to tell this to people though. I've ranted to my sister once about it but I don't have that close a connection that I'd want to tell her more :/. My first instinct is to whip out my phone and complain to 'Lola' but I don't think that'd be what I'm ready for xD


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## Marie5656 (Jun 1, 2014)

OK, I am a lot of years away from my high school years, but let me tell you, things were not much different back in "my day". Close friendships come and go, and relationships change as interests change. That coupled with family issues, I thing as long as you continue to support your friend, and let her know you are there. Things may not always be the same, but you may find this is a friendship that stays intact, even if the closeness may be different. Sounds like you are not totally isolated, just developing different interests. She will still be part of your circle of friends, I am sure of that.


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## ksaxton (Apr 20, 2014)

I just graduated high school, and I'm really sorry to say that honestly it only gets worse from here. High school is a time of major change, people will go through many different phases to find who they want to be. Girls can be so stupid sometimes when it comes to guys. They give all they've got to a relationship and neglect their friends, then that relationship goes to pot and their friends have already gotten tired of trying and tired of waiting, so that friend is left with no one and it's their own fault. As you get older and closer to having to make those crucial decisions that will determine where your life goes, you start deciding what's actually worth pursuing to you. And for a lot of girls, that's their boyfriend whom their convinced that they HAVE to spend absolutely every moment possible with in order to secure them for down the road. They stop really caring about their old friends, and then the ugly question comes: Which is worth more to you? A relationship, or friendship? And girls will almost always choose the guy. It's like girls these days just don't understand that both boyfriends and friends are equally invaluable in different ways, and thus both deserve an equal amount of effort. I'm sorry about your friendship problems, Id suggest sitting down with Lola and really having an honest, heart to heart conversation. Sometimes, you just have to face the fact that people change and the friendship you had, just isn't there anymore. Maybe you can find a new friend, but keep the door open for Lola for a little longer. I hope it all works out for you. 


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## MeinTora (Mar 19, 2014)

High school had also ruined relationships for me, people changing, trying to figure out who they are and you grow apart. 'Lola' reminds me of my 'Jade' she got a boyfriend and I pretty much couldn't have a second with just her. It always had to be the three of us, and I was third wheeling pretty hard  we both are so much different now...and even though we had been friends since the fourth grade, it wasn't a good enough reason for us to stay friends. She wanted to be popular and have a large group of friends. I'm quiet...nerdy even, and I like one or two close friends, and she used to be like that to. She seemed so shallow to me. She became everything we used to agree we would never be. 

She tries to get in touch with me now, we did an on and off friendship for a while, but it felt very forced. She doesn't like my girlfriend, I don't like her boyfriend, we have absolutely nothing in common. I have not been the best friend, I have pushed her away and neglected our friendship. But I feel like we have no common ground.
Maybe I'm the Lola? 



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