# [Vent-ish] Does anybody else worry they're doing a bad job & their rats don't actually like them back?



## iniquis (Mar 25, 2021)

My rats almost always grooms themselves right after touch them.
Should this hurt my feelings as much as it does? Lol....

Just wondering if this is just a me thing or if other people's rats do this too... Rats generally groom themselves like crazy so I probably shouldn't be worried...

I just worry I'm not doing a good job and they don't actually love me. I wonder if anyone other than myself worries or has ever worried about that, too.
I know about rat body language and all that, but the ways they show affection can also be ways to show discomfort; so its difficult to tell anything for sure.
I don't have any friends and haven't in over 10 years due to my rejection sensitivity among other bs; so please try not to be harsh or assume negative stuff about me. I love them as much as I could possibly love. 
I'm in therapy, you don't have to suggest it to me. Haha


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## PeekaBoo (Dec 22, 2021)

Let’s look at it this way: when your rats groom themselves, they are getting your scent in their mouths and noses, and they are not avoiding doing that. If you didn’t like the way something smelled or tasted, would you want to lick it off your skin? Maybe they even like you so much they want to savor your presence by grooming so they can get an even better whiff of your scent even though you’re not holding or petting them.

Rats groom one another in affection (or dominance), and they groom themselves for cleaning, for comfort and just for something to do. I think most people’s rats are avid groomers, I know mine are. It’s a trait that’s built into the species, since in the wild they need to keep their fur clean and their skin free of parasites to cut down on possibility of infection. It’s also a way they bond with others. It’s not like they are actively thinking “I want to get this stink off me,” but more that they groom themselves so frequently, even when it isn’t ”needed.” I’ve also known rats who groom once they’ve had an exciting or positive experience (eaten something particularly yummy, for example). 

Another thing to consider: rats are less likely to groom when they are on high alert or feel threatened, because grooming takes their attention and makes them less aware of potential danger. That they feel safe and comfortable enough to be grooming after you’ve handled them shows that they trust you not to hurt them, and that trust is huge when it comes to prey animals. So maybe it’s more of an honor that they groom themselves following being handled by you…?

Hope this helps with any worries about your rats’ feelings. Their behavior sounds like normal happy ratty grooming, and though I can’t speak for your rats, I can definitely say that all the rats I’ve ever loved on have done lots of post-handling grooming as well. Ratties just be rattin’. 🐀🥰 🐀


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## iniquis (Mar 25, 2021)

PeekaBoo said:


> Let’s look at it this way: when your rats groom themselves, they are getting your scent in their mouths and noses, and they are not avoiding doing that. If you didn’t like the way something smelled or tasted, would you want to lick it off your skin? Maybe they even like you so much they want to savor your presence by grooming so they can get an even better whiff of your scent even though you’re not holding or petting them.
> 
> Rats groom one another in affection (or dominance), and they groom themselves for cleaning, for comfort and just for something to do. I think most people’s rats are avid groomers, I know mine are. It’s a trait that’s built into the species, since in the wild they need to keep their fur clean and their skin free of parasites to cut down on possibility of infection. It’s also a way they bond with others. It’s not like they are actively thinking “I want to get this stink off me,” but more that they groom themselves so frequently, even when it isn’t ”needed.” I’ve also known rats who groom once they’ve had an exciting or positive experience (eaten something particularly yummy, for example).
> 
> ...


This was really helpful... I think I just needed someone to help me think rationally about this [silly] specific thing...
Thank you! I mean it!! :]


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## Mkd (Mar 24, 2021)

You don't have any friends? If you love your rats everyone on this forum loves you.


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## Tinytoes (Dec 23, 2020)

I think it's wonderful that you care so much for your ratties. I have 6 rescues, all of them except one were full grown when I got them, so we never bonded. They get excited when they see me, but they struggle to get out of my hands and off my shoulder, and I understand that they don't really 'love' me, but that's okay, because I'm their hero! I'm their everything, the bringer of food and treats, the carrier to free roam person. Even Phyllis, who I thought would be forever grateful that I saved her from being snake food, is wary of me picking her up, but she'll come to me and kiss my eyes and show me her kind of love. Rattie 'love' is different, it's respect, appreciation and the enjoyment of the finer things in life that we give them


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## SonicRat (Jun 30, 2021)

iniquity,we are all in therapy,RAT Therapy! The best therapy of all! I am not making fun of your situation I genuinely believe rats channel powerful healing energy.I wish you all the best on your path.
I have noticed my rats groom themselves a lot after I have handled them too.


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## SonicRat (Jun 30, 2021)

Sorry ,the spell checker on this drives me nuts I got your user name wrong


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## PeekaBoo (Dec 22, 2021)

Tinytoes said:


> I think it's wonderful that you care so much for your ratties. I have 6 rescues, all of them except one were full grown when I got them, so we never bonded. They get excited when they see me, but they struggle to get out of my hands and off my shoulder, and I understand that they don't really 'love' me, but that's okay, because I'm their hero! I'm their everything, the bringer of food and treats, the carrier to free roam person. Even Phyllis, who I thought would be forever grateful that I saved her from being snake food, is wary of me picking her up, but she'll come to me and kiss my eyes and show me her kind of love. Rattie 'love' is different, it's respect, appreciation and the enjoyment of the finer things in life that we give them


Your rats sounds like well-loved and well-provided for babies. Phyllis is typical of many ratties, I think — she wants to be with you, but on her own terms. I had a beloved double rex female (Gabby), who never wanted to be picked up or pet (which was frustrating because she had the softest, smoothest unblemished “nakie“ skin). She wasn’t afraid of me, just didn’t like being touched. She did well being transported to and from her cage in a carrier, I just tapped the carrier top and she hopped in. I took to sitting cross legged in their play area with a light fleece blanket over my lap, and as she got older she took to getting under the blanket, snuggling into the junction where my calves crossed, grooming and then falling to sleep. I’d end up staying in that position for more than an hour, not wanting to break the spell, even as my lower body was going numb from sitting that way so long. She probably enjoyed snoozing that way because I was warm, but honestly that she felt safe and comfy enough to sleep on me, and that it quickly became her main habit in free range made up for not being able to hold and pet her. It was bonding all on her terms, and I felt special and quite honored to be “chosen” by this regal, aloof rat. Up to her last day she was climbing into my I lap and using me as her mattress/heater, and it is one of the more special rat memories I have because it was completely organic, all her decision. I had her euthanized as her enlarged heart made breathing a struggle, but she taught me that often the best way to love a rat is to respect boundaries and just stay still. We are their caretakers, our job is to love them and keep them healthy and comfortable, and sometimes, as prey animals, comfort means not being handled. That doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate our presence, but just like humans, some are more outgoing and some are more particular. I love their individuality. (Gabby, my hands-off lap-sitting girl, is the beauty in my profile pic.)


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