# Like a nightmare...



## MaryLiz (Jun 15, 2014)

The worst thing I have ever done in my life. Today has literally been like something out of a bad dream I don't really want to talk about how it happened, but I had to get it off my chest, I've never been prone to anxiety but I can't even describe the feelings I've had today so I suppose it's appropriate for the rant section...

I accidentally killed my own cat today. I feel like a terrible human being. My mother and I bawled like I had killed a person.

My mother was so upset that she left. I had to call my boyfriend to come help me move him and bury him. When he got here I cried some more, and he cried, whether it was for the cat or for me I don't know. My mother accidentally ran over one of my cats when I was little and I remember how I cried then, and I know now how badly she must have felt. When she finally came home today she told me she had done the same to one of her dogs when she was younger by accident too... But I just feel awful. I loved the cat too but he was literally like a baby to my mother... I'm an adult, and while I haven't officially "moved out" yet, I'm away most of the year at school, and dad travels a lot for work so she's here by herself a lot when she's not at work too. The cat, Thump was his name, would keep her company, and would come in and pester her until she would sit down and hold him. He was just so sweet and can't believe that I killed him. My boyfriend told me that their little dog had run outside once and under his truck as he was leaving and he accidentally killed him, and told me how awful he had felt with his son crying over the dog. But this is the first time anything like this has happened to me and I just don't know what to think about it. We had just been talking last night about how we needed to get him neutered so he wouldn't wander so much at night and then today I killed him...

He's always been an outside cat, I don't really think he would have been happy indoors and I know there are many pet owners who wouldn't agree with that, but my father does not agree with animals indoors (aside from fish, and my rats which are caged), and I am allergic to cats. We didn't buy him or pick him from somewhere, he just showed up one day as a kitten and we kept him because no one else wanted him. We had reached a point recently though where dad would let him come in and out when he wanted, so he spent a lot of his nights indoors. We don't live right next to the main road or anything, so it had always seemed like an alright situation.

I just don't know what to do to cope with this. While my mother and I cried my rats sat on the top shelf of their cage and stared at us with wide, scared looking eyes. I haven't been able to bring myself to let them out today. Tomorrow I will be sure to let them out for the usual amount of time and give them plenty of treats and love but tonight I just can't do it, I feel like a terrible pet owner. Anyone who read my thread about being worried about intros will know that I was considering adopting a new rat today, but I just couldn't call the pet shop to see if he was still there, not after what I did, taking away my mom's pet like that after killing my own family's animal. Earlier today after the incident I had made up my mind that I wasn't even going to call to see if he was still there (a male rat who had been brought back to the store by two different owners, the last because their kids were "too rough with him" Bleh.) But by this evening after we had calmed down, I told my mother through renewed tears that I was going to call Monday, and if he was still at the shop I was definitely going to go get him. She just smiled and said that she felt like he would be there...

I'm sorry for any rambling. I'm still a little shocked. I know that I will spend days expecting Thump to come back and be looking in the window wanting to come in for his snacks and to be held and to sleep with us again.


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## cagedbirdsinging (May 28, 2012)

I am so, so, so sorry. These things happen. They just do.

I hope that your healing can begin soon.


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## MaryLiz (Jun 15, 2014)

Thank you, so much. My friends and family have told me this, one friend who is an avid cat lover even went as far as to say "I'm sure he forgives you." which only made me feel worse really. I just feel so personally responsible, but today is a little easier than yesterday and I know each day will be easier yet.


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## rileys-mom (May 26, 2014)

I am so sorry. What a terrible thing to have happen. We love our pets so much and do everything to take care of them. An accident like this shakes our faith in ourselves. But remember, it WAS an accident. You ARE a good pet owner. The fact that this has broke your heart shows how much you love your pets. 

I hope you still consider getting your new rat. In time, maybe you can find a new kitten for your mom. Lots of hugs.


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## MaryLiz (Jun 15, 2014)

Thank you. I had actually told myself that if I called the petshop and he was still there today i was going to go get him. Even though I'm glad the shop owner won't sell him for snake food, that still has to be a miserable existence for a rat, living all by himself in a 20 gallon tank. He was still at the petshop today but when I called they told me they were open til 6... I drove 30 minutes to pick up this rat only to find the petshop was closed, and the voice on their answering machine told me their hours were "10 to 5", not 10 to 6 >_> So maybe it isn't meant to be after all.


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