# Bianca Is Home



## DebG0725 (Mar 2, 2013)

Today will mark 2 weeks since our precious Bianca left us. It hasn't been easy, when I wake up in the mornings I expect to see her running to me for our routine breakfast. She was a major part of my husbands and I life, she was our baby. I have my ok days but then it will hit me that she really is gone. I still have loads of anger along with placing blame on myself along with guilt. Should we have put her through yet another surgery? We will never know, but we do know that lose lumps needed taken out, we just had hope that she would pull through yet another surgery and it would all be fine, but it wasn't and thats where the anger comes in... why our little Bianca, why did I opt for laser surgery, why didn't the doctor tell us the cons to this instead of just the pros. Please please, any one out there that has to put their little one through surgery, please do NOT opt for the laser as there can be terrible outcome as what happened with our little girl. When will it get better, when will I stop blaming myself, this is so hard and I miss her terribly! I don't know if what I am feeling is normal, and I would love to hear from others if this is happening to you, but even though I would LOVE another rat, I don't think its fair to Bianca, does that sound normal or is this part of the grieving process? I still cant eat certain foods because I know she would love them... this is depressing and I know she wouldnt want us feeling like this but again, when she was such a huge part of our everyday lives, its hard not seeing her, it still feels like a bad dream that I have yet to wake up from, but then it comes to realization when I see the beautiful cherry wood box that her ashes are in... I am awake and my little girl is gone.:'(


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## eaturbyfill (Aug 23, 2012)

Please do not blame yourself. 

You did everything that you could for this beautiful girl, and she knows that.

All of what you are going through is perfectly normal, don't worry. There is nothing wrong with getting more rats. Bianca would want you to, I think, because she wants you to be happy. New rats would help you deal with the loss. A lot of people cope with losing a pet by getting more, and that is perfectly normal. 

Just remember that Bianca wants what is best for you and knows how much you love her.


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## DebG0725 (Mar 2, 2013)

Its so hard not too, it just saddens me to know she might not have known what was going on... we were made to make her to try to drink from a syringe and what if I hurt her, I will never know and it hurts so much. Her poor little face was swollen and her beautiful eyes were swollen shut due to the swelling from the singing... I dont want to think of her depressed and she gave up because she didnt understand what was wrong.. we tried everything... it just hurts so much.
Thank you so much for caring, it means the world.


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## eaturbyfill (Aug 23, 2012)

I know how you feel, I have a problem with blaming myself even if the pet passed on due to old age.. 

I don't think that she passed on feeling that way. You showed her such great care and compassion, she rested easy knowing that she had someone who would always do everything possible for her. Judging by her age and that you mentioned she had previous surgeries, she was probably just tired of fighting and was ready to rest. There is nothing you could have done better.


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## tori_m (Mar 5, 2013)

my heart absolutely breaks for you. please don't blame yourself any longer, you did the best you could, everything you could.
you gave her a WONDERFUL life.

they are our babies, i know... but please try to think that really, as much as we think they can, they can't truly comprehend what was going on, so a pet's passing is MUCH harder on the ones they leave behind than it is on the pet that leaves us.

all we can do in this world is give an animal the best life we can, no matter how short. if only they could live as long as we do!

i don't see anything wrong with getting another rat. you arent, and never would be, replacing her! at the very least you would be giving another rat a chance at a beautiful life. adopt a new baby in her honour. it will honestly help you through the grieving process because it will give you something to focus on, and they will fill your heart with love. 

how you're feeling is perfectly normal. but you don't need to feel guilty. sometimes, life is unfair, but we pick up the pieces and carry on with wonderful memories. she came in to your life for a short time, but she will keep an impact on your life forever


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## DebG0725 (Mar 2, 2013)

Tori,
Its just so very very hard to not blame myself when I was the one that had to take her to the vet that day.. I just hate all the whats ifs and what IF I could have done more for her... I wasnt even holding her when she passed, my husband was, which I am very grateful one of us at least was, but I was her mama, I was home with her more, I should have been holding her... I am hoping there was no pain with her and she went peacefully, but thats another thing I wont exactly know and it hurts like heck.... I just want her to forgive me.
I have discussed with my husband over the last couple days that I know at some point I am going to want to get another rattie, but I hate knowing it could be disrespectful to Bianca.. see how my mind has been working, I dont like this, so could all this be normal? Why is my husband able to block the whats if and negative thoughts? 
Thank you so so much for being here, it does kind of help to have others to talk to that know what I am going through... 
Hugs.... Deb


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## ratclaws (Nov 11, 2012)

DebG0725 said:


> Tori,<br>
> Its just so very very hard to not blame myself when I was the one that had to take her to the vet that day.. I just hate all the whats ifs and what IF I could have done more for her... I wasnt even holding her when she passed, my husband was, which I am very grateful one of us at least was, but I was her mama, I was home with her more, I should have been holding her... I am hoping there was no pain with her and she went peacefully, but thats another thing I wont exactly know and it hurts like heck.... I just want her to forgive me.<br>
> I have discussed with my husband over the last couple days that I know at some point I am going to want to get another rattie, but I hate knowing it could be disrespectful to Bianca.. see how my mind has been working, I dont like this, so could all this be normal? Why is my husband able to block the whats if and negative thoughts? <br>
> Thank you so so much for being here, it does kind of help to have others to talk to that know what I am going through... <br>
> Hugs.... Deb


I know it's hard but you can't keep thinking of it in that way. Sometimes things happen in ways which people can't understand, and we make choices of which we regret the consequences. But all you need to remember is that what you chose to do for her was in her best interests at the time. It's really not your fault. It's your vet's fault for singing her during the surgery... You were not to know that such an injury was going to occur. As for getting a new rat, you just give yourself time to grieve properly and move on when you feel ready. The fact is you knew she needed the surgery and that means you WERE doing what was best for her.

Your husband is not blocking the thoughts, he's just processing them differently. There's nothing wrong with being upset and you'll know when you're ready to start accepting that there is nothing left to do but move forward. I'm sure Bianca would want you to hold your head up high and smile knowing at least she's not in pain and is in a much better place now. I hope things get better for you.

Also if you do decide to get more in future, perhaps it's a better idea to get 2 girls together from a breeder? That way it means you have time to grieve and can wait for a litter to appear and you can take home babies to raise together from the start


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## sara1991 (Apr 12, 2013)

She was one very lucky rattie to be loved as much as you clearly loved her. I think we have all felt a certain amount of guilt over a decision we have made for our pets but as long as those decisions are made with their best interest at heart thats what matters even if in hindsight it doesnt seem like you made the right choice. It sound like you did everything you possibily could and thats something you should take pride in not beat yourself up thinking maybe you did too much. I hope you feel better soon. R.I.P <3


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## dglsdxn (Apr 16, 2013)

I feel so sorry for your loss, as I also have lost a dear friend today named Pierre. It was an incredible shock that I'm still going through. I'm a male and have not cried so much in my entire life, so I really know just what you''re going through. God Bless You And Your's.


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