# Extremely mad....



## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

So yesterday my boyfriend's mom decided that she is going to fly Zach out for a week (now possibly two weeks) to visit. She picks February 10th to fly him out. Could have picked ANY time after Valentine's day but nope. I had plans for vday. Was going to take Zach to Cold Stones and Krispy Kreme. 
She claims its cheaper for him to fly that week but I highly doubt that is true. I think she did this on purpose to piss me off. She has done crap to piss me off before like talking about how Zach used to be head over heels for this one girl and probably still is and then saying he is going to be spending an entire day with her because they are so ridiculously close. Turns out she was trying to get Zach to spend a whole day with her but he said no and didn't see her at all. She set that up and tried to get him to go to cause issues with me and him. She has done a few other things but I'm having trouble remembering specifics. 
But yeah it work, I was so mad when I found out yesterday and I got into a fight with Zach. I don't understand why he can't say no. He hates his family and is happy being so far away from them. She HAD to have bribed him with something and I don't know what. Could be anything from taking him to his train places or getting Mancino's (his favorite pizza grinder place) to things I dread like spending VDay with someone else. 
I also dropped some huge news on him yesterday that I'm transmale and considering he is straight I thought he would freak out and then a matter of hours later I find out about his trip and I'm pretty pessimistic I was afraid he was going to leave me because I basically told him his girlfriend would prefer being a guy.
He actually did not seem shocked when I told him. Yesterday was the first time I actually told anyone other than my closest of friends. I told my mom and brother too and THEY ALREADY KNEW. I can't believe I hid this away and bottled it up feeling like I would be rejected for pretty much all my life trying to convince myself that it was wrong. And then when I tell them they weren't even the least bit shocked. And now that I think about it I guess it is kinda obvious. I mean all I wear are men's clothes, I NEVER do my hair, I call everyone dude and bro (and variations of the word). And well you get the idea. Basically I dress like a guy and do and say guy things. I never realized how obvious it was. 
I just realized I'm talking about something competely different than what I was ranting about.
But just as an added thing I'm so excited. Zach is okay with me being transmale and is okay with me cutting my hair really short and chest binding. He is even okay with me drawing myself as a guy even in pictures with him (I already drew myself gender neutral and people always assumed my sona was male because of being flat chested) he says as long as I don't get surgery or testosterone treatment he doesn't mind xD which is fine because I don't need that to feel like a guy at heart. 

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## Andyurgay (Jun 10, 2013)

I'm sorry that is happening :/ I've had exes parents do the same. While it may actually be cheaper to fly out before v-day, (had to do this with my ex gf) is also even cheaper to fly out AFTER v-day. Sounds like she is a very head strong, judgmental woman. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say for sure, but with my ex whose mother was that way, she would cow to her everytime, no matter what she wanted for herself. Even though they did not live together. Its a family thing I think. Even though you know what your mom is doing is wrong, you still do as she wants. At least that is what I've seen. But again, I don't know Zack or your situation. The best I can say is talk to him, ask him to be honest about why he is okay with it and if it comes down to it, accept that it is how it is.




My first love lived 7 hours from me and we were 15 and 16 when we got together. We had to save up for a bus and Amtrak connection both ways once every month to see each other for a week. Her mom tried to give her extra expenses when it was her turn to come visit so we ended up missing a lot of holidays and special occasions because of her. But her mom was abusive as well so she did what her mom said and my family paid her tickets for her to visit most of the time. We just accepted it and celebrated twice as hard once she got here 



I know its always preferable to spend the actual holiday with your loved one, but with some parents and situations you just have to make due. And sometimes we found it to be even more special because it was just us celebrating that day. We broke up after 15 months because of the distance but the system worked well for us. With a parent who is unable to accept the relationship you often just have to accommodate that or they often cause a scene and that can be even more stressful.




But I also have to say, congratulations on coming out  that's SO wonderful that your family and Zack accepted it so easily! That's a huge deal, I'm so glad it went so well! I've identified as gender queer since I was 13. For a while I identified as transgender but after a year or so of hard thought, I'm just more comfortable identifying as both male and female. My boyfriend and family support it too  not my dad really but my mom calling me "son" when I do bind and my bf calling my chest pecks makes up for it lol its so great you have people who support you, I'm sk happy for that. Few of my trans* friends have found that. I'm just glad to hear there are still some people out there who do support others. Best of luck dude!


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## Ergala (Jan 23, 2014)

First off huge hugs. Secondly congrats on coming out!!!!! Nothing but support from me. I wish more people understood it's not a choice but the wire you're made. Hopefully Zach isn't being a jerk, perhaps he is going to go home and explain it to his mom in person and tell her to bugger off? Try to remain positive. I know that when I am already on edge about something my heart begins to race and I jump to the worst conclusions. I usually try to just come out and ask point blank what's going on and voice my worst fears to get confirmation so that I'm not creating even more worries for myself so that I can rest easier. Here are some huge (((hugs))) and hang in there!


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## Snikida (Sep 28, 2013)

Wow! That is so cool that everybody is so accepting! Congrats!


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## lalalauren (Jul 3, 2013)

Really sorry your boyfriend's mum is pulling stuff like this again :/

Felt I just had to comment about the transmale thing because my ex-fiancé of five years turned out to be transfemale! We were having a few relationship issues before she told me that, and I guess that did tip me over the edge, but were still really good friends (just texting now actually!) and she's admitted she's a million times happier for being on her own and able to make decisions for herself without worrying about how I'll react. I did want to be supportive, and I was as supportive as I could be, but it just wasn't going to work for me, unfortunately. Anyway, if you need to talk about ANYTHING I'll happily chat away about it (I find the whole transgender issue so fascinating after researching it with my ex), and if you need a trans shoulder, I can put you in contact with her! She's already found a great online community and I'm sure she'd chat to you about anything 

The important thing to remember with your boyfriend's mum is that...if you know she's doing things just to be awkward, you can try to not let it affect you...I know it's hard, but after his trip, when he comes back to you, you'll be so happy for it and it'll be worth the awful gap in the middle


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