# Mother rant



## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

So, my mother is boycotting me. I've been wanting to be a vegetarian for quite some time, even when I was younger (maybe like 13 years old). I told my mother when I was that age and she flipped and because I was scared, I decided to not push it and lump it.
Not that I'm a bit older, I have decided to become one, even if she likes it or not. It's my choice and I'm not going to put up with what she wants all the time. I have the right to choose to, and I'm not going to stop doing what I want just because she's against it.
I told her of my decision on Saturday and she got really angry. She thinks I'm doing it just to annoy her, but that's not true, and I've told her I'm doing it for all the right reasons.
Since then, not only has she been on "war" with me, but she's been making food (that means mine as well) with fish and meat. She's made soup and put meat in it, rice, and put meat in it, salad, and put tuna in it, and so on. Because she can't get her way, she's boycotting me and I'm really getting angry.
She has no right to do this, or anything else. She's been saying she doesn't love me (then this morning telling me she does love me, except when I anger her, and that, to me, is emotional blackmail), and she's been insulting me, calling me crazy, maniacal, with many "manias" (my rats, I wanted a piercing, me dying my hair, me having a boyfriend...), that I'm "special" and not in a good way.
I don't think I can tolerate this much longer. I have been doing my best to not get angry with her and explain my version but she's been resistant and will *not* accept defeat.
I cannot be happy living like this, and I really don't want to give in to her, even if I know that this isn't going to be over until I say I will not become a vegetarian, because she'll never give in.


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## Pilot. (Feb 11, 2014)

She's doing this because you don't want to eat meat??? Woah. Okay I was a vegetarian for upward of two years and my mother didn't care. If she made good with meat I would just make something myself. Your mother is taking this way out of hand. It's not a diet, it's not a way to "slim down" because as a vegetarian, because I kept my vitamins up I lost hardly any weight. I didn't do it for that though I did it because I wanted to experience it. It was fun! I loved doing it! And now that I'm no longer a vegetarian, I still do not eat red meats besides venison because it upsets my stomach and I can't digest it right. I think venison is okay because it's lean but that's beside the point. I think your mother is taking this way to seriously. Is there a reason she doesn't want you to become a Vegetarian? Emotional abuse just because you decided not to eat meat is NOT okay. Emotional abuse is not okay anyway. Maybe you should sit down and talk to her? Or speak to your father. If the emotional abuse does not stop I would suggest speaking to a counselor about it and telling them all that's happening at home. Vegetarianism is not something bad. Your mother sounds like there are deeper problems than just you not wanting to eat meat.


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## Gannyaan (Dec 7, 2012)

Are your mother and my mother somehow related...? They are identical. When I became vegetarian for the first time (and wanted to dye my hair, piercings etc) I was met with the same thing. She grew up in a village in a traditional culture.... They're usually like that. As much as I know you sound like you income from a different generation from your mom, the best advice I can give you is this: DO NOT under any circumstances take her seriously when she's angry, and learn to just let it go... I dealt with my mom's crazy temper/manipulativeness until I was 21, then I saved up and moved out for university, and I haven't been home since. I know it's so hard but YOU will have to be the adult for now, and keep your emotions under control. By the end of this, you will be so strong.... You are not doing anything wrong. You are a good daughter deserving of love.... It's unfortunate that you have to go through this.... But you can pull through 


To her, she is trying to help you from being a weirdo and standing out, which I'm guessing in her books isa very bad thing. And yes, you are smart to recognize that it's a kind of "emotional blackmail"... 

The way I deal with my moms freak outs when she gets mad and says crap like that ( that she doesn't really mean) is by saying stuff like "yeah, sure, whatever" and just try to tell myself that she's nuts and to ignore her until she has her head back. Heck, sometimes I TELL her she's nuts and I'm not going to talk other until she comes to her senses. (I don't recommend you do this, since you sound s young and probably still dependent on her... But I'm giving you a glimpse of the kind of freedom you will eventually have  )

I know what you're going through is hard, and you'll have to mature faster than you need to, but the wisdom you have/will gain will be tremendous ..... Good luck. You don't deserve any of that . *hugs*


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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

I nearly cried reading this ;D
Thank you SO much for the advice and general support! It really means a lot to me. I was about to give up and let her "win" (that's how she sees it, I guess) but I won't anymore. 
I've already tried talking to my dad, but I think that's worse because then my mum thinks we're all against her (which is wrong). Anyway, he told me that the reason my mother gave him was that she didn't want to trouble herself making a different meal for me, so my dad suggested that we could both help (I am currently loaded with lots of school work as I am preparing myself for collage/university) but I still think it's a wonderful plan, especially if everyone is happy with it.
I will carry on! Thank you so much again, both of you!  *loads of hugs*


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## Mike&Sully'sMummy (Sep 1, 2012)

Wow. It's times like these that I am so grateful for my family. I've been vegetarian for over 4 years now and my family have always been fully supportive, cooking separate meals for me and even eating veggie meals every now and again. I think vegetarians get a lot of needless stick from ignorant people, and it's so unfair. I do hope your mum comes round. You need to have a proper sit down talk with her and get to the real problem. If she only cares about making separate meals for you, tell her you'll cook your own meals if you must. It's your decision and she should respect that. And the emotional abuse is completely wrong. I don't always get on with my own mum and we've had our fair share of arguments, although never about my vegetarian-ness. We've both said things in the past we didn't mean, it's normal, but to take it to the extent of saying she doesn't love you is a bit far. Good luck talking to her and stay strong. Don't give in!


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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

Hey there. You probably won't read this but if you do: my mother was so upset by my decision she told me I had to get ride of some or all of my rats because I "have too many" (I have five). I have worked really hard to get them in the first place and nursed a few back to health, and love them, so I had to make an agreement with her: I'm not a vegetarian anymore but I get to keep my babies.
I guess she wins...
I'll just have to wait a few more years...


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## alexn (Sep 30, 2012)

...Move out? To a place where you can eat what you want and keep what you want?


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## zombiesrkewl (Nov 28, 2013)

If your mom is calling you names and putting you down like that, that's not just harsh or 'tough love'. That's emotional abuse, and if reported could end in you being put in foster care (depending on your age) or even having her put in jail. A parent should never EVER say things like that to their child. I know she's your mom and you love her, but stuff like this can seriously damage you mentally, trust me. I would suggest that at the very least you talk to a school counselor about this. I know it sounds stupid, but a lot of them really do help.


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## Gannyaan (Dec 7, 2012)

Kuraudia said:


> Hey there. You probably won't read this but if you do: my mother was so upset by my decision she told me I had to get ride of some or all of my rats because I "have too many" (I have five). I have worked really hard to get them in the first place and nursed a few back to health, and love them, so I had to make an agreement with her: I'm not a vegetarian anymore but I get to keep my babies.
> I guess she wins...
> I'll just have to wait a few more years...


I'm glad things have at least settled down in your home 

Really, what's important about being vegetarian anyways is not buying meat... So even though you're a teenager, just don't buy meat products with whatever side job you have  and at home, make an effort to eat lots of fruits and veggies so that when you move out you are able to easily know what food options there are 

For now, let her cool off, and then slowly and quietly do what you need to do.. Just don't let her know those are your plans  ke I said, our mothers are quite alike... Even though I'm the kind of person who likes to be open and honest with my family, sometimes "what they don't know won't hurt them".... Just quietly do what you need to do  

Of course, I'm not saying to lie to them, or break rules, but you don't have to tell them absolutely everything.... You will all be happier for it. 


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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

Also, if it would make you feel better and more aligned with your personal values, choose to eat vegetarian when you can. Cereal and eggs and toast for breakfast. If she makes you a sandwich with a slice of meat, take it off. Dinner you may not win at because she will get upset. However, reducing the amount of meat in your diet also helps. 

Sometimes it is important to keep peace for your personal health and safety. I've been kicked out of my house in the past, and living in a car was a bummer. I never ever suggest fighting past the breaking point because it is not actually reasonable. You can know what your plans are and make the choices when you go out to dinner or whatever. Choose pasta options and whatnot, but if she sees you eating meat at the dinner table, she probably won't be upset if occasionally get a pasta. Not everyone eats meat at every meal, you know? That shouldn't seem odd. Also, if you are in school and having lunch made for you, add extra cheese to the sandwich or whatever and toss the meat. I dislike waste, but it's a slice.

My family was not supportive of me in that regard at one point, too. I chose vegetarian options as often as I could and was in my control-- with the knowledge that it would take awhile until I could eat veg completely.


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## Jon (Mar 1, 2014)

Are there perhaps deeper problems? Your mother sounds like she is being over the top about this so perhaps there are other things in mind? Either so, if she has threatened to get rid of your pet ratties then that is just wrong  My mum loves/loved my rats after I educated her about how clean, clever and how much personality they have. She became attached to them like me and cried too when my Maxie died earlier today :c

Anywho, try educating your mum about rats, and also about why you want to be a vegetarian. If there are deeper problems, perhaps talk them through or if worst comes to worst, get a councilor. 

Good luck.


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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

@alexn: Cannot move out just yet, seeing as I'm 17 and it's still illegal (unless I get married or something, which by the way is a no-no at the moment xD), at least here. But yes, I have been thinking about it terribly in the last couple of weeks. I want to go away and stay with a friend for the weekend sometime just to enjoy some peace and quiet.

@zombiesrkewl: Umm... Yeah, she's my mother and I'm not going to report her or anything, I'll just put up with it for a little longer. I know it can damage me, trust me, I know too.
I do not want to talk to any school counselor or anything. I can't talk to people in my school about my feelings/personal life or whatever, heck, I hardly tell my friends (that's mostly for other reasons). I know you want to help me, but I'm pretty sure if I did, I would feel much worse and the conflict at home would start again and get ugly... just thinking about it makes me nervous. I really don't want to, and seriously, I think my mum would go nuts, and it's not what I want right now. 

@Gannyaan: Yes, I'm going to do that. A friend told me: "If you can't be a vegetarian at home, be it outside your home."
Even thinking that I made this sacrifice for my rats (and well, for Arya my hamster, too) kinda makes me a bit happy. I feel like I saved them even if it meant not doing what I want to. 
Also, I can't remember if I cleared this up or not, but the only reason my mum went all crazy about my rodents was because she thought that these things are just mere whims and that I was getting away with it. I don't want my mum to look like a total scumbug, but she does behave a little childishly. They are not whims and I am not a brat who gets everything I want. I give lots of love to my ratties and I take care of all my animals, which is more than I can say for other people.
Ups, sorry I went out and spurted that out, I just feel like I need to explain all of this...

@ratswithfoxandbear: I'm going to do that too! I'll also try making my own sandwiches for school and the like and I'll make them _my_ way. I hope she doesn't get the idea that I'll be making them vegetarian because then she'll start making them for me so that I eat what she prefers. I am also going to suggest that we all eat less meat/fish and more veggies 

@Jon: Mmmm, you're right, there's probably something else going on, but I get the feeling that I can't really talk to my mum about anything. Whatever I say just makes her go off and I haven't been open about myself for years because of this. When I told her I was (still am, it's just that the verb tenses seem wrong...) bi, she couldn't accept it, she kept saying that I'm wrong, that it's a teenage thing, etc... and I'm not proud of this, but I told her it was a joke and have never touched the subject again, just for the fear of being rejected.
It's very, very, very hard to get to talk/negotiate with my mum. I have already tried telling her all the beautiful things about rats and how clever they are, and clean, and nice, but she just won't listen!! She'll look at me like: "Wow, that is interesting." but that's just it. She still hates them. She doesn't really want to get near them, complains about them, says they're ugly and disgusting and that she'll never like them, etc...
She liked the cute babies at first, but now that they're getting bigger...
Also, we had a talk about me being a vegetarian. She said that it wasn't a healthy diet and that I would get anemia and the like, and I did my best to control myself and tell her all the good things I had read about being a vegetarian, especially those concerning health. She ignored that and kept thinking that she was right and I was going to get terribly ill. After that she said that when I did, she was going to wash her hands and not care for me.
So very frustrating. 
I'm so sorry about your little baby 

Thank you all for reading this and taking the time to help me out!


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