# Rest in Peace, Winston



## notbritney (Feb 3, 2016)

My heart is broken. Winston has been put to sleep. He was put to sleep last night, after an emergency visit to the vets. I want him back, I'd give anything to have him back, but I can't, and I shouldn't. He's finally at peace, after two years of chronic infections and pain. I don't want to go into specifics, I don't even want to think about it, because I still can't accept that he's gone. 

We buried him under the willow tree in the back garden, with his favourite (chewed up) hammock, bedding, treats, the works. My partner hid his things from me, because he knew it would make it harder. Today I went upstairs and I cleaned his cage, I made it look all nice for him, and I don't know why. This morning I stumbled outside and sat beside him, I sobbed, I said good morning and that I loved him and that I will love him forever. Tonight I went outside and I lay beside him, I told him goodnight, I did what I have always done and I babbled nonsense. Tomorrow I will do the same thing.

I hope one day soon the pain goes away, because this is unbearable. I miss him so much. I miss him stealing my food. I miss him going crazy with excitement every time I entered the room. I miss him curling up beside me for hours on end. I miss seeing him sleeping at the foot of the bed because that was his spot. I miss the sound of him drinking water really, really loudly in the middle of the night. I miss the sound of him walking, bouncing and running. I miss his kisses that usually turned into nibbles. I miss him abandoning me because my partner had come in from work and he was so happy to see him. I miss everything about him. 

I'm so sad, yet so grateful that I got to spend as much time with him as I did. We were inseparable from day one.

I love you, Winston. I will love you for the rest of my life, just as you loved me all of yours.


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

Oh no, I'm so sorry about Winston. I know you did your best, he just had so many health problems lately. I know how much it hurts. You did well to put him to sleep, I remember all his health problems and there was nothing else you could have done. You tried it all. He is at peace now, and he knew how much you loved him. If you have other rats, spend a lot of time with them, it helps ease the pain a little bit. Again, I'm sorry for your loss


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## notbritney (Feb 3, 2016)

It's so hard to make that kind of decision, I never thought I'd have to, nothing could have prepared me for it. Thank you so much, for everything. I've got Chappie and Grimlock sleeping in my top right now, it's comforting, it's difficult to do right now, but comforting. They've been by my side since I got home and they've given me a lot of kisses. 

Again, thank you, it means a lot.


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

I remember Winston was all better Tuesday night. I was scared he wouldn 't make it through the ivermectin adverse reaction, but he did. It is just so sad, I was hoping he would get better


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## notbritney (Feb 3, 2016)

I honestly thought he would, I thought everything would be fine, that he'd keep fighting. I wanted him to, I wanted him to beat it so badly, but his little body was failing him, he was in so much pain in the end.


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

There is one thing that make me feel better after the death of a pet, it is working for me but maybe someone else might think it is silly...I pick something (can be more than 1 thing) that would make my life and/or the lifes of my remaining rats better. It is something that I should have done earlier but always find reasons not to do it. For me it was finally getting gluten-free. Yes, gluten made my life miserable, yet I could never get around it. Anyway, after the death of my rat I made it a promise to myself that this time I will. Now I feel so much better. I also picked up photography because I wish I had better pictures of my rat, the iPhone 6S takes pretty decent pics but still. I bought them extra hammocks and toys too. I made a few donations to rat rescues in her name. My goal was to make my rat inevitable death a little better by using it as a reason to better myself. In this way my rat not only made my life better when she was alive, but also after she was gone.


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

notbritney said:


> I honestly thought he would, I thought everything would be fine, that he'd keep fighting. I wanted him to, I wanted him to beat it so badly, but his little body was failing him, he was in so much pain in the end.


I'm so sorry Winston was in so much pain. You definitely did well by putting him to sleep. I never had to do it myself and can only imagine the courage and sadness that you must have felt. Hugs.


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## notbritney (Feb 3, 2016)

Gribouilli said:


> There is one thing that make me feel better after the death of a pet, it is working for me but maybe someone else might think it is silly...I pick something (can be more than 1 thing) that would make my life and/or the lifes of my remaining rats better. It is something that I should have done earlier but always find reasons not to do it. For me it was finally getting gluten-free. Yes, gluten made my life miserable, yet I could never get around it. Anyway, after the death of my rat I made it a promise to myself that this time I will. Now I feel so much better. I also picked up photography because I wish I had better pictures of my rat, the iPhone 6S takes pretty decent pics but still. I bought them extra hammocks and toys too. I made a few donations to rat rescues in her name. My goal was to make my rat inevitable death a little better by using it as a reason to better myself. In this way my rat not only made my life better when she was alive, but also after she was gone.


I don't think that's silly at all. I've been meaning to go vegan for a while now, I managed about a month and I gave up, even though I have an intolerance to dairy. I'm going to finally do it, and stick at it. Picking up photography makes so much sense, I have pictures galore of Winston, and they all show his personality really well, I just wish I took more, and made more videos. I can't watch the videos I have right now, it's too hard, but I'm glad I have them. I need to take some brilliant pictures of Chappie and Grimlock, I need to have pictures of them growing, playing, sleeping, everything. I need to take pictures of all my pets, because you never know what's going to happen, and when the inevitable does happen memories aren't always enough. My cat is 15 now, he's getting old, and my dog is nearly 13, so she's no spring chicken. I think taking up photography is a brilliant idea. I've been asked by the rescue centre I'm working with if I'd be interested in fostering rats, of course I would, even though I know I'd end up giving them a forever home. Next month I'm getting a tattoo of Winston on my arm, I'll post the design we come up with and the tattoo itself when it's done. 

You've inspired me so much, you really have. Thank you!


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## notbritney (Feb 3, 2016)

Thank you. It's so hard, like, unbelievably hard. I had my partner there and my mother in-law holding my hand, then holding me up because I would have been on the floor otherwise. When they handed him back to me I collapsed. I didn't let him go though, no one was allowed to hold him, and I gave him one last cuddle and kiss before we buried him. Knowing it's the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier, I knew it wouldn't, but I hoped it would stop the guilt. It doesn't. Massive hugs from me to you.


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