# How do you handle the passing of a rattie?



## Rumy91989

I know that ratties are very fragile and short lived creatures so, eventually, all of us who choose rats as companions need to learn how to handle their loss. 
While I'm not *new* to the rat world, per se, I am new enough that until yesterday I hadn't yet faced loss. I think the unexpected passing of my little baby Nora probably shook me more than the passing of one of my older ratties would have (like my Euphie who is over two years old and has been slowing down), but I'm really at a loss with how to deal with it. Even though Nora was only in my life for two weeks, in that two weeks I developed a bond with her--she was my little baby and I was her loving caretaker. I feel a bit like I failed her, even though I know there is most likely nothing I could have done differently. She'd had vet care, she had proper nutrition, she had love and cuddles and lots of play time and until about ten minutes before she passed she seemed perfectly fine except for the hair loss which was attributed to her recovery from malnourishment. But I just feel really awful and incredibly sad about the whole thing and I want to know how those of you that are more experienced at this deal with it. What are some good ways to move on and reconcile with the fact that our loving companions do pass, often unexpectedly?


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## alexn

This is going to sound pretty heartless, but honestly for me it's to carry on as normal as possible. When I got home from the vets on Friday, both my wife and I were in tears. She chose to lie down, I chose to make a cup of tea and get on with my evening. It was hard, and I did have a few moments over the next days, but I honestly find trying to regain some normality as the best way to cope.

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## Kaliloca

I've haven't lost any recently, but I've have lost pets before. It doesn't matter how long or short their time with you was. You still get attached. When they pass.... You cry. 

Maybe you even blame yourself, thinking you did something wrong or you could have done more to save them. In the case of getting animals that were neglected by their previous owners.... You might get angry, wondering how anyone could treat such a wonderful creature so badly. 

Then there's the times you smile. When you see something that reminds you of the pet you lost. It brings back pleasant memories. You realize, even though they're gone. They live on in your heart.

The best way to move on, is to first grieve the passing of your pet. 

Remember the good times and how they made you happy and filled a special place in your heart. Think of the way they made you feel. When they were happy or excited to see you and you were equally happy and excited to see them. Maybe even a tilt of their head or how they fell asleep at your side. Just know that, even though they're gone, they're not forgotten. 

It's hard to lose a pet. Some are with us longer than others. Each of them are special in their own way. Even though Nora is no longer with you, her memories are. Hold on to the good memories. It doesn't make it easier. Nothing will make it "easier". 

Only the passing of time will lessen the pain, but it will never "completely" go away. It's part of owning and loving your pets.


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## 3 ratties

my first tip would be to let any tears you have for her flow.. make sure to let it out. I haven't lost a close pet since i was a little girl, but i lost my daughter at 20 weeks pregnant, and i didnt cry or grieve until about 6 months later because it was too painful to face. I wish i wouldve let myself cry and be sad. it's part of the healthy process of grieving. 

I don't have other children, but i assume it would of helped to have my other children around me and to care for. So i would use your other ratties and pets to help you grieve. When you are sad about Nora, grab a cuddly pet and give the love you had for her to that pet. Think about Nora and even talk to her up above if that makes you feel better. 

I know it doesnt seem like it now, but in a month or two, you will feel at peace with her passing. It's good that you are sad and finding a way to grieve now instead of holding it in. its very normal to be sad right now, but i promise it wont be forever


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## Jokerfest

Dont bottle up your emotions. Take a few days atleast to grieve and let everything out.
I just think about how even if it were a short time any animal was with me that I did my best for them and I gave them a good life while I had them.
You did that for your little Nora and she was very happy for the time she was with you.
She was loved and cared for and had lots of yummy food to eat. There are so many rats that dont get to experience having such a wonderful owner like she did.
You made her the happiest she'd ever been in her short life and you should feel good about that not sad.


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## khalliope

Today I had to put down one of my rats, Dexter, of over 2 years. He was old and had tumors getting pretty big, and he was too old for surgery. Was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time, but I know it's for the best. It didn't hit me until I physically handed him over to the vet and had to sign the permission slip. I felt like I was signing a field trip permission slip- but one he would never return from. Saying goodbye is too hard, so I just patted him on the head and said, see you later honey. Luckily my boyfriend was with me so afterwards I shared stories of him over coffee. It helped to focus on his life and how funny and cute he was. If I had done it alone, I would have just been depressed all day. But the way I think of it, is that all rats die, and my rat (and I'm sure all of our pet rats) had a great, spoiled life, whether he died from old age or prematurely. And I'm glad they got to experience life with me because I think I did a good job


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## DustyRat

I am sure to get a replacement immedialely. That is how I deal with it.


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## PandaCobain

DustyRat said:


> I am sure to get a replacement immedialely. That is how I deal with it.


Eh. I don't think this is the right way to go. Yeah, it helps somewhat close that void that was left but I find it disrespectful to immediately go out and get a new rat. Take time to grieve the loss and remember your lost rattie. I understand everyone gets over a death in the different ways but that just isn't the eay to go in my opinion. That makes me feel that the rat wasn't really cared about because it's like "oh. Well that one died. Time to get a new one." Like it's no big deal. I dunno. My last rat Princess Peach died of old age and I didn't get a new one for at least 3 months. Not because I needed another rattie companion, but because there was just this instant connection between myself and Doctor Raticus. And the only reason I got Tibbers was because my dad got her for me and I love her. My dad actually also bought Raticus for me because he saw how we instantly clicked.

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## lilmrspanda

It had Taken me around a year to get my 2nd rat after midnight passed away and Its taken a While to Find out Just Who Mr baylie Is and what he likes after I had gotten him


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## DustyRat

My ratties are my companions, so I would not deprive myself of rat company because I suffered a loss. Also, if I loose a rat, so does my remaining rat. It would be unfair to keep her all alone in a cage while I am at work. So yes, I would definetly get more as soon as I could.


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## Sydandmason

I know it's the hardest thing. I still sometimes cry. You just need to know that you did the absolute best you could've done and you have her the love and care she needed for the last of her life. Don't put yourself down; and after all she's happy now. 


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## Rat Daddy

I don't think you truly "handle" the passing of a truly beloved rattie friend, at best I suppose you survive it.


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## pipsqueak

I cried, a lot. 
made me feel better, and my fiance comforted me. 
I still feel really sad sometimes especially when I am talking about my rats, and I mention one of my girls that passed away by accident
as if they were still alive :c


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## CShadz6661

Dakota was my baby. I had her for almost two years. When I found her, she was a craigslist rattie with a tragic story. Dakota was found by two college girls running a rat rescue out of their home. She was abandoned in a 10 gallon tank with her dead mother and 6 siblings, one of which was also dead. She was only three weeks old, so the girls had to feed them with syringes. When I got her, she was four weeks old and self sufficient, but she was still so needy. She really needed a mom. Most of the time, she slept in bed with me. It wasn't until she was 6 months old and my boyfriend had started sleeping over that I finally decided she had to sleep alone. Even then, she had a small cage for bed time right on my night stand so she could see me, or she'd whimper and chew on her cage all night. She was a year old when She was finally able to sleep with the other rats. This wasn't her only issue either. She could tell time, and knew the patterns I worked. Any time I came home too late she'd get scared. And thunderstorms.... 

Needless to say, we were very close. So when she got her tumor, it broke my heart. She was my Baby Dakota, and no one wants that to happen to their child. I tried to have it removed, but it was so aggressive, it would have grown back anyway. And because she was almost 2, she might not have made it through the surgery. 

A little over a month ago, her skin reached it's limitations and the tumor grew so large it ruptured her stomach. I came home right before work to feed her, pet her and change. But when she came out of her nest, something was different. She got stuck in the chew holes and didn't try to get out. I knew something was wrong, and when I went to check on her, nothing else mattered. My mother and I had gotten into a fight, and I didn't even care enough to listen to her bantering anymore. I just cleaned her wound, gave her Ibuprofen and called the vet. Within the hour, I had her put to sleep. 

At the vet, she fell asleep in my arms. So when the vet came to take her, I figured that was a good enough good bye. If she was asleep, it would be less stressful for her. But she woke up, and the last thing I saw was her frazzled, "Where are they taking me, Mom?" look. I wasn't in the room when she passed, and that was depressing. I refused to cry because she couldn't lick my tears. 

But, two days later, my other female had her litter of ratlings. It was like a trade of life kind of thing. She couldn't have taken care of babies and Dakota at the same time. One of the babies was rejected from the nest at first too. Moo hated him. So I'd sit with him and keep him warm, sneak him into the mound of rats during feeding time. I named him Angel, and even when he was just a pinkie, he was partial to me. He really helped me through all of it. 

It's really a matter of perspective. Angel didn't replace Kota. No one can ever replace her. But having someone else to care for again eases the pain. And I know Kota would have done the same thing. 

Having pets is great, but it's also heart breaking. You set yourself up for disaster. Because, especially with rats, pets have short lives. And we love them all their lives. Then when we go, it hurts. The best way to think about it, is that during their time, you gave them the best life you possibly could, and they loved you for it.


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## SilverAgatka

My Taneesha died in my arms two hours ago. Last time I lost a rat I was away and never had a chance to say goodbye. I cried for days and days. It was awful. Now, I'm still here cuddling her stiffening little body as I type this. I cried when she stopped breathing but now I have a faint smile on my face. She spent her last hours in arms of her beloved human, instead as planned to be euthanised in the morning. She hated going to the vet. She'd always empty her bladder on the table and then climb to sit on my shoulder, petrified. 

I don't want to grieve much. We had two beautiful years. The time we spent together is all that counts.
Another of my females is pregnant so I'll have about a dozen of reasons to wipe away the tears in just a week.

I say think of the good stuff. Nora's last weeks were the happiest of her life, nothing else matters. You made her life worth living. Now go and do that for another rat.





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## rinny11

You never really get over a beloved pet dying. My best friend growing up was my dog. She was my family for 16 years that flew by too fast. We had to put her down a year and a half ago because she was in so much pain... I still cry about it and I miss her every day. I cant imagine how sad it will be when our ratties pass on and i treasure every moment with them. I cant wait to see them when i get up, i spend as much time as i can with them; i even dream about them. I wish rats lived longer... This is a beautiful video about the love and joy of pets in our lives (and while there are no rats in it I'm sure it will touch some hearts) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0iRYycmlOI&feature=youtube_gdata_player


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## CapnKennedy

When I'm trying to get over a loss I just cry. When I lost Lucky I just held him for a while and cried. I cried when I was digging his grave, cried when I wrapped him in one of my shirts, cried when I put him in the hole and covered him with dirt. I still cry over him..like thinking about losing him is actually making me cry right now and it's been more than a year.. But other than crying, just trying to carry on with life helps. Reading, watching a movie, anything to get your mind off it. Time helps too, it doesn't heal the wound on your heart from the passing of a beloved pet, but it eases the pain. 
Getting a new rat right away doesn't really help. It may help some people, but for most it doesn't. For me I could even think about getting a new rat after Lucky, I felt like I was replacing him and he just couldn't be replaced. Eventually, I got some new babies (obviously) but I couldn't do it right away. However, if one rat died out of my pair I would think a little differently on how soon to get a new rat. It's not fair to the remaining rat.


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## Minky

After I lost Minky I felt very sad. Her illness and subsequent death were unexpected, which made it harder I think. She left a single cagemate, and Darla began showing porphyrin staining around her eyes the very next morning, so I knew I had to find a companion for her asap. Two weeks later I rescued some rats from a shelter, and that was probably the best thing I could do to ease the grief. Watching Darla perk up as she got to know her new roomates was very healing, and the positive emotions from rescuing are very powerful. 

I've just lost another ratty and this one is very difficult. Petunia was my favorite of the rescues. Now I'm left with 3 listless rats and getting another one is not an option. I'm going to just have to deal with the grief, and it's not easy at all. 

I plan to re-model their cage from top to bottom, so that I can begin fresh with my 3 remaining ratties. I'm going to use purple tissue paper, since purple is the color I associate with Petunia - her memory will be honored as life goes on for her friends. Plus it will give them a new start as well. 

I also plan to light a 7 day candle for her. I think it will help to keep a little light in the house that symbolizes Petunia's spirit while I grieve. For the past two mornings I've woken up crying. It's incredibly difficult to lose a beloved ratty. I'm grateful for this forum for being able to write about my feelings in a place where people will understand and care.


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## Raturday

I still cry when I think of my Jetta dying and it was 9 months ago. I still miss her dearly. I look at pictures of her all the time and remember how sweet and wonderful she was.


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## Poisoned

A rat I know and love, well I certainly mourn them, but I have 20+foster rats at any given time, chinchillas, dogs, cats, FISH, and other critters who all need me so I just carry on, I shed my tears usually while I bury them and give them a last pet. When you foster and rescue a lot, death is bound to be part of it. The last three I lost were very close together, within weeks. I lost my 3yo rescue, my young pup out of nowhere, and a rat under a year old I'd raised from a newborn. Before them I was forced to put my beloved old rat down myself - which was one of the hardest things I've had to do. And before him, my first rat died peacefully in his sleep - old and happy. I've worked with wild animals and orphans for a long time, and lost more than I care to recall. Every one still hurts, but you learn to just put on a mask and carry on. 


I always plant a tree over my dead dogs, or elsewhere, but in their memory. Something I can take care of and that will last for a long time. For the rats, I have a corner of the yard I dedicated to them, with a shaped mimosa tree and pond with trained Ivy and ornamental plants - all shaded and it's next to my outdoor rat enclosure, so it's a nice place to relax. I like using living things as markers and memorials.


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## Eden10

I just lost my boy Lucifer...I haven't cried yet...but inside I am heartbroken, I worry & wonder if I spent enough time with him etc. but I think its natural to instantly worry about if you gave them the best life possible. 
I think with each loss you just handle it in your own individual way...just be sure you handle it in a healthy way & don't beat yourself up over it.
& of course when the time comes to where your considering a new rattie just remember that they live short little lives & eventually you'll have to go thru this again & it never gets any easier....especially like in my case where he died young.
If I do decide to get more ratties I am going to refrain from 'saving' one from a bad situation & go for one that is healthy & been raised in good conditions so the lil one can at least make it to his first birthday


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## Michael<3Ben

You did a good thing Eden, dont go for the healthy 1 save as many little lives as you can in your great big live, you are a good person for doing these things, no matter what, you brought joy to Lucifer even if he was sick.


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## Minky

I just wanted to add to this thread since I've spent the last week grieving over my heart rat Petunia. The first 5-6 days were horrible: I would cry as soon as I woke up, and I'd cry throughout the day. The grief shook my entire body, I just felt completely gutted by her death. It's been nearly a week and I'm feeling somewhat better. Here are some things that helped me: 

- I immediately got rid of everything that reminded me of her illness. I tossed all her medicines and washed associated towels and clothes which had her scent on them (so as not to give the surviving ratties any false hopes.) Tossed all her old nest boxes and completely cleaned and re-made the rat habitat. The surviving ratties had been quite obviously depressed, and this deep cleaning has helped them to cope, I think. Plus it gave them something to do, since they had to build new nests, etc. I've ordered hammocks and some other goodies for their habitat as well, which I think will be therapeutic for the surviving ratties, and for me. 

- I buried her in a special place in the yard, and planted a purple sage bush over the grave. The color of the flowers will remind me of Petunia whenever they bloom. Plus her body will be nourishing the plant, so in a way she lives on. I can see the bush from my window, it's the first thing I look at when I wake up. 

- I lit a 7-day candle for her. It helped me to have a little flame to honor her passing. It was painful when the candle burned out and the flame died, but I think the experience of re-living her death safely via the candle has helped me come to terms with her passing. 

- I did a lot of writing, here on her memorial thread. Writing my memories of her helped me to let her go. Plus I got support from the wonderful people here, which helped immensely. 

- PHOTOS! This helped so much. I had photos of her printed, and I put one in front of my keyboard so I can see it as I work. The other photo is next to her memorial candle. Suddenly I could look at her sweet face and smiling eyes and feel some comfort again. Plus the photos help me remember her at her best, before she got really ill. The photos also remind me that she was happy and content.NOTE: Take lots of photos of your rats when they're alive. You'll be glad you did. 
- For the first few days, I didn't really want anything to do with my surviving rats. I couldn't deal with the fact that Petunia wasn't there to greet me every morning. Plus they were withdrawn and sleeping all the time, and they seemed obviously depressed. But gradually I've been giving them more time, and trying to appreciate them for who they are. I'm allowing my heart to be open as I turn my attention to them, knowing they have their own special love to offer. 

Just remember to give yourself time, as much time as you need, and honor your rat's memory in a way that you feel is meaningful to you. xx


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## Mball77

This is going to sound terrible but I've been hurt by the loss of my pets worse then some of my family members. When my one dog passed it was during Winter Break (I work at a college)...I packed up and went to my dad's for the weekend because I couldn't deal. When I came home I cried like a baby. Not having my dog in my house was like losing a part of me and my daily routine. We had other dogs but this was not my dog. No more walks, no more dinner time, no more chilling at night watching TV with a cuddly old dog. He was getting really old so I thought I could handle it, I knew it was coming but nothing prepared me.

I'm not kidding, I was broke yet I spent $400 on getting an individual cremation that sits in my mothers closet. My neighbor has her dog's creamated remains under her bed close to where the dog slept. 

My one friend, after her rat had died she found a paper where the rat had stepped in paint then walked across leaving rattie food prints. She got it tattooed near her shoulder.

I used to think loss leaves a hole in you. Now I feel its just the part that your pet had filled and shaped you with hurting for a while but that part will never leave you and has made you a more complete person throughout your own journey.


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## Minky

Mball, that's a really beautiful statement. 

No matter how "prepared" you think you are, nothing can really prepare you for the loss. The more bonded you are with the pet, and the more enmeshed they are in your life, the harder it hits you. 

I love the story of the girl who got her ratty's footprints tattooed near her shoulder. I think tangible reminders of loss can be very therapeutic.


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## Phantom

When I lost Mimi she had been my first rat loss, but not my first pet loss. I did cry a little, but the only thing that really drove me up the wall was that my Mom had to be so morbid about it. For the last week that Mimi was alive she kept telling me to separate her, which I didn't do because Pastoolio was there day and night snuggling with her and keeping her warm. After she slipped into a coma my Mom kept coming in telling me she was dead and that I should bury her when she was clearly still breathing. When she finally did pass away I had no option but to bury her because my Mom wanted her out of the house. I had really wanted to cremate her. 

I ended up wanting to be left alone a bit, and I snuggled a lot with my remaining rat pack in the days that past because Molly and Pastoolio were both depressed too.


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