# Happy Birthday, You Butt.



## Andromeda (Apr 28, 2016)

Oh, Samson. Where to begin? I suppose at the beginning would work....

The first day I brought you home was the day I realized my mistake. That morning, I reached in to pet you, and you bit me. My immediate response was "Crap. I adopted a jerk." And boy was I right.

Turns out, you didn't actually bite me because you were mean. After a few days I realized that you just have a hard time telling the difference between fingers and food, so now I just make sure that I wash my hands really well before touching you, never feed treats between the bars, and bites have been kept to a minimum.

That's not why you're a jerk. I'm thinking more along the lines of the 3 pairs of leggings, 2 t-shirts, and one pair of Ninja Turtle pajama pants that you have literally riddled with holes (still haven't forgiven you, btw), not to mention the headphones, the pillow, ALL of the hammocks, the blankets, the carpet..... even though I have graciously supplied you with every chew toy under the sun.

Or maybe I'm thinking of the nightly escape attempts. I'm not sure what you think you're going to find on the other side of the playpen, so I'll tell you. It's just the rest of the room. It's the same thing that's inside the playpen, just more. For some reason, you seem to believe this is all some grand ruse to keep you from the promise land. I promise you it is not.

I also do not enjoy chasing you around and desperately trying to reach you under my bed while you eat my collection of comic books when you do manage to get out. Some of us have to get up in the morning and go to class so that we can get a degree.

Remember that time you escaped and I couldn't find you for half an hour? I tore the room apart, pulled everything away from the wall, triple checked every hiding place I could think of, and was nearly in tears figuring you'd gotten into the walls somehow and were gone forever. Then you came waddling out of the closet, yawning after what I assume had been quite a nice nap in my laundry hamper (which you also chewed a hole in).

Or how about that time you got an eye infection? The first time I tried to put antibiotics in your eye, and you squeaked like I was trying to rip your tail off with my bare hands. Afterwards, I foolishly thought "Well. That was awful. I'm sure after a couple days he'll calm down." And then a week later as I was giving you your last dose, you still squeaked and squirmed just as much.

Yes, you are definitely a jerk. I feed you, play with you, spoil you, and fix you when you're sick, and in return I get holes in everything, nightly crises, the occasional nip, and a squirmy fuzzbutt who hordes treats like he's preparing for nuclear war and surprise attacks his brother when the poor guy is just trying to nap.

And yet....I wouldn't trade you for any other rat in the whole world. Guess I'm just a nutty rat lady. xP

Happy birthday, buddy. Hope you stick around for many more maddening - yet adorable - months. <3


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## Andromeda (Apr 28, 2016)

Some photos of the culprit, taken on his birthday.


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## Gribouilli (Dec 25, 2015)

Samson sounds like he has quite a personality, lol. How old is he? Such a pretty face


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## Andromeda (Apr 28, 2016)

Thank you. xD He is a very cute rat, just a lot of trouble. He just turned 1.


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## Grotesque (Mar 19, 2014)

I laughed till I cried. Such a good read. Happy birthday little Samson!


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## Asteria (Jul 6, 2016)

Gorgeous markings, he sounds like a very interesting little character.


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