# She hates me



## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

So, Friday my mother had to be rushed to the local ICU, which put the household in a tizzy. Shortly after that I got sick and didn't fool with my pets too much because I'm weird about being in their faces when I'm sick with an unknown ailment. 
Then my mother had to be flown out to a different hospital, and we didn't even have time to pack before we left, and we ended up staying three days in a hotel, and I just now got back.
My mother's boyfriend was supposed to be looking after my animals, but he reallyyy slacked off this time, to the point where one of my dogs was actually left outside in the heat so long she almost didn't make it. I have a few choice words for him when he gets back.

But, once I got everyone fed, watered and cleaned up, I noticed Binx acting strangely :[ She ran from me when I went to pick her up, she squirmed violently to get away from me, and even now she jumped a whole foot to get away from me back into her cage. She doesn't want to ride in my bra, or crawl on my arms and around my desk like she usually does. She won't even pee on me :[ She's just... sitting here, now that I've finally forced her to stay with me. 
There's been no kisses or licks. 'Binky Pinky' won't even get her to think twice about being normal.

She's cleaning her face now, sitting on my shoulder, but she's just... different. 
Did me abruptly leaving for three days freak her out? Is she just confused? I'm just- I'm sad D: I leave for three days and come back and my baby doesn't seem to know me at all :C

Advise please.


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## Babs (Jan 26, 2012)

Is it possible that your mother's boyfriend handled her roughly while you were gone? Has he handled them before in your presence, does he know how to? Some people think it's okay to pick rats up by the tails, perhaps that's what happened and it freaked your baby out.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

Looking how much food is missing from the container since I left, and the fact that the boys had no water in their bowl, I'd say he didn't even open their cages, probably just shoved a couple blocks or a cracker through once a day and said screw you after that. 
But, she is afraid of him... I can't take her for a shoulder ride when he's sitting anywhere near where I'll be walking because she freaks out, been like that from day one. Maybe just him being the only person around her for three days has her freaked out.


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## aang (Feb 7, 2012)

Just start again with trust training! That's what I'd do, anyway. Give her treats to coax her out and whatnot. Or force cuddle her and give her treats. Whatever you would rather do.
Thats so sad though! I can't believe he would do that... I would have more than a few words to say to him... >[!


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## Raturday (May 26, 2012)

I've heard that this sometimes happens when people go out of town and you just have to do trust training all over again, unfortunately.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

I suppose I'll have to educate myself then. I didn't really have to do any trust training with the boys, despite them being petshop rats, and from day one Binx was all licks and pee. 

I guess I'll go to treats and toys and just hope she comes 'round. No more leaving for me.


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Ratties can be sensative about being left alone (abandoned) but don't usually hold a grudge. I suspect that something traumatic happened when you were away, and I really don't like your comment that she is afraid of your boyfriend. We have a rat phobic in our family. Obviously our resident rat phobic has never talked to our rattie, or touched her or held her. Over time our rattie girl has become pretty indifferent to the strange person that doesn't want to play, but she is in no way afraid of her.

I very much hope I'm wrong, but just because your boyfriend likes you doesn't necessarily mean he likes your animals or even animals in general. When my neighbor died, his wife and brother took his dogs a few towns away and pushed them out of the car and left (and got caught on video), which in fact was an improvement over their original plan that seemed to include just neglecting the dogs to death. When my neighbor was alive, you never would have guessed that his wife wasn't fully on board with the dogs. (Even though 4 pit bulls and 3 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment seemed a stretch even for me.) Well, I suppose I never would have thought she'd dump their kids either, but they are with his mom now. On the up side the wife has a brand new sporty car and a new wardrobe and seems happier than ever. People can surprise you.

If it turns out that your boyfriend really did mistreat your animals, there's no real sense in getting mad at him, that's just how some people are. In the old scenario of kick the dog, the dog always loses, and you are not going to be around all of the time. Your better off just keeping them apart and aranging alternate care for your pets when you are away or finding safer homes for your pets.

Honestly, in light of what just happened to my neighbors dogs, I thought this was worth mentioning, but I really really hope I'm wrong on this one.

Good luck


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Footnote: I forgot to mention, my neighbor died at home of unknown causes at 24 years old. No judgement added, just thought I'd fill the canvas.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

Rat Daddy said:


> Honestly, in light of what just happened to my neighbors dogs, I thought this was worth mentioning, but I really really hope I'm wrong on this one.


Actually, you're entire post is incorrect.

For starters, he's my mother's boyfriend, as I stated. Not mine. He's actually the poster child for the sort of man I refuse to let lay beside me. 

Binx is actually very afraid of him. She's fine with other people, even complete strangers, but around him, she all but injures herself to hide. This tiny rat has met elderly people, children, women, men, dogs, cats, and has not feared a single one save for this one man. Normally, she will readily greet anyone but with him, she runs and hides. 
He doesn't like me at all, and I believe this is why he does this. Sure, it makes me angry, but he should, 'scuse my language, stop being a **** and do something to me instead of hurting my animals. 
He does like animals and has had many pets himself. He is not afraid of my rats, let alone of my cat or dogs or fish. There's no excuse to him letting them end up in the shape they did over such a short span of time. 

He's lucky my poor dog made it through her ordeal, or physical action would be taken. 
There is no excuse for the way he has treated my pets, after he promised to care for them. I had no choice but to go, my mother was in ICU on the brink of being put on life support, I had to be there. He didn't want to be. The least he could've done was give my pets some food and water. I didn't ask him to do anything else. 
I found out today that my father has had a heart attack and I can't go visit him because I can't leave my pets alone. 

There's plenty sense in me being angry with them, and I have nobody else to help with my pets in case of emergencies. 


On a side note, I would never be in a relationship with someone who couldn't get along with my pets, and I wouldn't expect anyone to make an exception for me either. 
And there is no way, in a cold hades that I would rehome my pets because of a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'd rehome the partner before I'd do that.
I certainly won't choose a boyfriend/girlfriend over creatures that love me without doubt.


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## 1a1a (May 6, 2011)

weeell, it does kinda look like the mother's bf somehow managed to freak out your rat, bribe her with food and affection, she'll come around. Maybe you could find someone on this forum to keep an eye on the animals in an emergency? hoping both your parents make speedy recoveries.


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Sorry I misread to whom the boyfriend belongs, I was being distracted by my own roaming rattie. Oddly enough, I'm somehow relieved I got this part wrong. However, the idea that this fellow likes animals but mistreats yours doesn't make me feel too much better. By writing that he is the only person your rattie is afraid of, that your dog was dangerously neglected and by describing how screwed up your rattie is after 3 days in his care, I think I pretty much just restated your own suspicions that this isn't just a case of benign neglect.

I also very much agree with you that it's better to get rid of someone that mistreats animals for whatever reason than to get rid of animals that love you, but unfortunately I'm from a generation where I couldn't ever give that kind of advise to anyone. In my day, animals always lost out when humans couldn't resolve their problems, they called it "priorities". I'm glad to read that things have changed. My suggestion remains, keep this person away from your animals when you are not around and now might be a good time to start looking for other people to care for your pets if you are called away in another emergency. I know that's not easy or cheap and likely you have already thought of that, but your pet shop might have an employee with experience with both rats and dogs that might be able to assist you at a reasonable rate. Some of the guys at my local pet shop even make housecalls to feed tropical fish and maintain aquariums. Just a thought.

As to being angry with the *** **** who mistreated your animals I think your posts have been overly kind, but I've learned it's a waste of time trying to fix people with this kind of a malfunction. And if he is going to be part of your mom's life and thereby yours and he is ever going to have access to your pets when you are away again, trying to adjust his outlook is only going to make things worse for your animals. Expressing your heart felt sentiments (read as outrage) to anyone who has such little regard for you might make you feel better, but isn't likely to change him. Upsetting or hurting you might have been his purpose in the first place. Why give him the satisfaction? If he thinks he can hurt you through your animals, and you prove him right, he might actually get worse. And although it's entirely his fault, a big fight between you and him might stress your relationship with your mom and that's something he might not mind either.

All in all, I could still be way off base, I really don't know your whole situation so feel free to disregard the foregoing, but believe that I do wish you the best of luck and hope your rattie recovers her trust in you and in people.


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## shawnalaufer (Aug 21, 2011)

Lots of love, attention and treats will get her warmed up to you again.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I honestly thought that we were making some progress. 
Then we had a major setback.

Cat randomly walks in without me seeing him and tried to grab her off my shoulder, something he has NEVER done before. This led to her jumping on the floor and taking off, which led to a race between me and the cat, and lucky for Draevyn, I won. 

So I guess we're back to square one again.


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Sometimes when things go wrong they just seem to keep going that way... Still, as far as the cat incident goes, If your rat wasn't hurt, it's not that bad. Rat psychology is pretty much designed to deal with sudden stresses like preditor attacks. They have a remarkably fast recovery from this kind of stress. In nature wild rats have close calls every day and although they learn from them, they get over them and move on, often within minutes of the conflict. I've seen this with my pet rats too.

That's why I was so concerned when you wrote about just how traumatized your rattie was and how much she dislikes your mom's boyfriend. It takes a lot to freak out a rat that badly. In any event, I'm sure your rattie still loves you and with your continued attention and patience you will regain your relationship with her sooner than later.

I hope your mom and dad and rattie are all better soon.


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## 1a1a (May 6, 2011)

*shakes fist at the cat*


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

Thus far, no progress. She actually bit me today :\
She just... stares at me. I shouldn't be taking it personally, but I am. Very much so. I bottle fed her. She slept on my arm. She groomed me. She took to me instantly, from the very moment we met, and now she wants nothing to do with me.
I'll keep trying through. 


And yes, my mother is out of the hospital now, and so is my father.
and on another upside, we're kicked out my mother's boyfriend. Even though he's been here for 11 years, I can't say I'm missing him very much. It was a very dramatic parting but definitely something that needed to be done.

unfortunately his brothers are our neighbors, and one is our landlord. lol.


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## 1a1a (May 6, 2011)

This might have already been covered, she has rat companions yes? 

This is disheartening that she appears regressing but my thoughts are to not give up, keep treating her, keep trust training her and let her keep enjoying the company of a cage mates. Also, don't show any fear of rat bites, if her nipping you is a dominance thing, you need to nip that in the bud (power groom her).


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

I can't begin to imagine what your mom's X put your rattie through to screw her up so badly that she is mad or afraid of you. Honestly, I've seen ratties forgive huge human inflicted mistakes and injuries pretty quickly. Generally it's in their nature not to hold grudges. I have to assume that there must have been some stress in the household associated with Mr X's departure that your rattie picked up on that might not have been conducive towards your rats emotional healing. But now that he is gone, things should quiet down and you can start working with your rattie in peace.

As to how to heal the emotionial scars Mr X left your rat with, I can only recommend patience, treats, speaking in very soft tones and as much hands on as possible. Try to get your hands smelling like your rattie's litter, to remind her you are part of her pack and carry her scent. Also try to check her for injuries, she might have a broken bone or something other you haven't already found from the abuse. But to be entirely honest, as we will most likely never know the extent of the mistreatment you are going to have to be patient and feel your way through this. I wouldn't give up, but I would also assume this may be a long row to hoe. Only time will tell how the damage done can be undone.

Also don't forget, with everything else going on, to start looking for another pet care provider if you are called away again. Preparations are best made before the storm.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

1a1a said:


> This might have already been covered, she has rat companions yes?
> 
> This is disheartening that she appears regressing but my thoughts are to not give up, keep treating her, keep trust training her and let her keep enjoying the company of a cage mates. Also, don't show any fear of rat bites, if her nipping you is a dominance thing, you need to nip that in the bud (power groom her).


No, she doesn't. The first cage mate I brought home for her died after just a very, very short time with us, and I'm very glad she didn't seem to pass on whatever was wrong with her. 
At this moment, there is no other place for me to get a rat than the local petshop, and all their rats are ill feeders and I am not in a financial situation at this time to take on an ill pet. Sure, if mine have an emergency, we can do it but taking on one knowing it's ill isn't going to work right now. Craigslist and rescues are just legends in this area, and many people would rather put poison out for rats than keep them as pets in the first place. Hopefully, once we get our financial situation lined out (which should be soon) I can go back on the hunt for a companion. 

But I definitely don't shy away from her bites.



I just don't know why she's doing this with only me. She will let my mother hold her, but doesn't want me touching her at all, like I was the one who did something to her. 
Could it possibly be some sort of phase she's going through? I've only ever had my boys, and they were my first rats so I'm still technically new to this. Is it a female thing?


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## Nauseum (Mar 3, 2012)

The same thing happened to me! My boyfriend and I went on vacation for a week and left our ratties with my parents (who took amazing care of them) but when I got them back they were not the same AT ALL! I was so upset because beforehand we had them so well accustomed to us. Don't fret though! Within a couple weeks they were back their normal selves. Just treat her like a brand new baby that needs to get used to you. I don't see any reason why she wouldn't come around in a little while. Just be patient and maybe put a piece of your clothing in her cage so she gets really used to your smell?

Good luck!


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

I'm not sure ratties do resentment. But she might be working out her anger issues with someone she trusts.


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## Valitra (Jun 27, 2012)

Wow, sounds like a charming guy... kinda glad he's out of your life. O_O
Being able to openly abuse pets like that holds something deeply dark and creepy...
He definitely does not like animals, regardless of what he says. 

Poor baby, that she was scared of him and him only is kind of very unsettling. 
She'll surely come around to you evetually though! She knows you won't hurt her.


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## A.ngelF.eathers (Jul 6, 2011)

Valitra said:


> Wow, sounds like a charming guy... kinda glad he's out of your life. O_O


Oh he was a real bundleo'joy


But I have good news! I don't know how this happened, if she just randomly decided 'hey, that's my mommy', but last night she started taking cheerios from me and coming out onto my hand to get them. 
And just now, as I handed her a carrot (she loovvesss carrots) she put the carrot down in favor of climbing onto my shoulder. :]
I feel like I've gotten my baby back.

~~~
Actually, I KNOW I've gotten my baby back. She's chosen to eat her treats in my underclothing rather than on the desk -.-

ANNND she pee'd on me. The pinkster is back!


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

Hurray!!!


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## elliriyanna (Jul 27, 2011)

If This man didnt want to be there for your mom he shouldnt be with her ... Of topic but still 

I would just keep building trust and never let him around your animals again ... He sounds like the kind of man I would tell off without a second thought.

I agree with the others it sounds like he majorly hurt her  

I am very glad your cat made it ... I am so sorry your animals had to go through this


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