# Feeling like im failing as a rat mom



## selenaaahhh (Dec 8, 2012)

I'm feeling really stressed and defeated with my new ratty group. These are my first rats in 8 years and my previous groups were great never had any issues so I feel like I don't know if I'm doing the right thing with these girls I have now. 

Back in March I saw a Facebook post someone had a feeder rat named Toast who she only had for a few weeks and was giving Her away because she kept escaping and her cats were chasing her. She was never handled the girl was afraid of her although she said she never bit her. I've been wanting rats again so I thought this was a good opportunity to save this little ratty. I decided I'd foster her for a bit until I figured out best place for her either in new home or staying with me. Of course I knew if she stayed with me she needed friends. At first Toast was petrified and over time she's come out of her shell super spunky girl not a fan of being handled she tolerates pets here and there so I sneak pets when I can but bring her whole cage into bathroom for free roam so I don't have to pick her up.

So a month later I welcome Crumb and Loaf 2 baby girls I adopted from a rescue so Toast can have friends. Super shy scared girls but sweet I'm still working with them on trust. 

And here is where I'm stressing...id like to preface that i know most of this is my own anxiety so I'm sorry if this seems silly lol 1st of all I'm super nervous to do intros I just keep thinking the worst. Toast was apparently a feeder rat that has been alone for at least 3 months that im aware of possibly more in her previous situation and I'm afraid she isn't going to take the babies well or be aggressive with them. I know I'm assuming the worst and that's not fair to her but it's just my anxiety . I also worry if the babies team up on her too. I would just feel awful if anyone got hurt. Also I can't handle these girls at all yet so idk how I'd even get them all into a neutral space without them freaking out I can't pick any of them up

To make it worse today Toast bit me for the first time  she usually always let's me sneak In some pets and treats but today I went to pet her while she was in her little pineapple hammock and she turned and bit my finger drawing blood. Maybe I smelled like the babies or food idk maybe shes becoming territorial in the cage. I usually take her and the babies separately for free roam but tonight I didnt let Toast out for free roam it seems after she bit me she's all worked up so I thought she could use a break but idk of course I'm also nervous around her now if she's gonna possibly bite me again. 

If you made it this far thanks. I just needed to vent. I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing this is a totally different experience from all my previous rattos. I just want to have Toast live the best life with friends and now I'm scared of her and feel like I failed her and failed as a rat parent. I know I need to be more confident and give them all a chance and some patience but I'm just feeling overwhelmed i guess. Thanks for reading any advice is welcomed!


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## ratbusters (Aug 28, 2020)

Hi there.
I have just read your post and wanted to offer a bit of encouragement. Sometimes when things are at their worst we are right on the edge of a breakthrough, so don't give up!
I think it is fair enough that you are giving Toast a break from free range time for now, as she has bitten you. It sounds like a sensible thing to do to give you both some space.
The only thing I feel I can offer about intros is to be patient and take your time. They don't all have to be sharing a cage by tomorrow. 
I know there are lots of people on the forum who have way more experience than us at intros. I hope they will be able to offer some real step by step advice for you about how to proceed from here.
All the best.


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## Little rat beans (12 mo ago)

I completely understand how you feel as I've been there before. In my experience it just takes longer for rats that weren't handled as much to get comfy. If she's getting bity, normally squeaking at them let's them know that's not okay. I have a rat that doesn't enjoy being handled a lot too, I think it's just her personality. She has gotten better with time though, if that's any help.

When I first start introductions I handle the babies for a while then put my hand in the big girls cage to let them get a good sniff, although this should definitely be done when she stops biting. I find putting a piece of clothing that you've recently worn will let them get used to your smell and be comfortable with you. (It should definitely be clothing that you either don't wear often or won't wear again because it will get torn up and used as a toilet)

With time she should definitely come around you just have to be patient, some rats are way more stubborn than others 😊


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## Baby's Mama (Feb 20, 2021)

selenaaahhh said:


> I'm feeling really stressed and defeated with my new ratty group. These are my first rats in 8 years and my previous groups were great never had any issues so I feel like I don't know if I'm doing the right thing with these girls I have now.
> 
> Back in March I saw a Facebook post someone had a feeder rat named Toast who she only had for a few weeks and was giving Her away because she kept escaping and her cats were chasing her. She was never handled the girl was afraid of her although she said she never bit her. I've been wanting rats again so I thought this was a good opportunity to save this little ratty. I decided I'd foster her for a bit until I figured out best place for her either in new home or staying with me. Of course I knew if she stayed with me she needed friends. At first Toast was petrified and over time she's come out of her shell super spunky girl not a fan of being handled she tolerates pets here and there so I sneak pets when I can but bring her whole cage into bathroom for free roam so I don't have to pick her up.
> 
> ...


Poor toast! I'm surprised she doesn't hate ALL humans including you at this point. So if you knew her history was so horrible, then why would you expect her to be adaptable to one change after another even after you got her? People are WRONG when they are insistent on all rats needing other rats, especially if you allowed her to free roam plenty and she functioned okay for the whole month before you took on the other two. I've had several rats in my time and I even had 16 at once, but I've always found that at some point I end up having to separate one rat from their original group for one reason or another and I just had to give that one particular rat more of my personal attention and eventually they were 100% free roam. Also, I don't understand you panicking whenever Toast is the one who has been through **** and back! I personally would've tried just to focus on showering her with your love and attention to see if you guys could function one on one before I just assumed I should get more rats. Another thing is, if you don't want to be bit again, tell her that and give her clear consequences which you'll stick to if she does. That is, if you even communicate with her. That's the thing I can't understand about most rat owners....they don't simply communicate their expectations to their rats, yet they expect to have well-behaved animals. Especially since rats understand English better than any other house pet you can get AND they will listen plus obey.


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