# Rest in peace my tiny little angel



## Demonardae

I don't know why it took me so long to post here about the loss of my rat, Twinkie. I think I'm still in denial about this whole thing. Anyway, here's our story. December 20th 2010 I went to a pet store and saw the sweetest little thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I fell in love instantly and just could not leave her behind, so my mother in law bought her for me and got her youngest son a little blue self girl. Well Twinkie became my constant companion and I became obsessed with knowing everything I should know about rats, I worked hard on taking care of her and giving her the best. Soon the little blue self, known as Flapjack, became my concern too and we brought her everywhere with us. Sometimes I would hold these girls for hours letting them sleep in my arms, than wake them to go put them in their cage. In july of 2011 Flapjack became very sick with cancer and we got to watch her health deteriorate. The whole house hold watched me suffer over poor Flapjack, I was just lucky I had Twinkie to hold and love. In august, Naughty showed up and shortly after her arrival Flapjack passed on leaving me feeling like crap because I screwed up. I should of had her put to sleep sooner, but my vet said she wasn't in pain, and I was being selfish. I still feel like a huge jerk, because she deserved a better death than the one she got. I still had Twinkie and now Naughty to take care of so I did. I watched as Twinkie grew from my little baby rat to an adult who was independent and wanted to spend hours exploring with Naughty, who was growing up too. For Twinkie's first birthday I bought her a special dog treat cookie that my local pet store sells (they are fresh made treats) in the shape of a candy cane, complete with icing. She loved it and I was so happy that she was happy. Time passed as it does and I watched as her exploring slowed down, and her playful antics disappear. In july I noticed she was peeing blood, and I set up a visit to a new vet, who diagnosed her with a uti, which was also my first guess. After a course of antibiotics she seemed better. Two weeks later the bloody urine was back and she seemed to be in pain. It turned out to be pyometra (though the vet also said she had heart/lung problems), I believe the good people on this site suggested it first, and when I tried to find a vet that do spays I met a lot of resistance. Either the vets didn't do spays, wanted 600 or more for it, or would need to do a full array of tests before giving her a spay. I was heart broken. My little sweet girl was being denied life because every single vet I talked to was inexperienced with spays, or was a heartless prick and would let me do some sort of payment plan. July 30th 2012 I had her put down, because there was nothing left to be done and I could see she was in so much pain. I didn't know what else to do and I was terrified of her having the same horrible death like Flapjack. I watched the vet put her down... it was so horrible. She was fighting to get to me and I just stood there. I should of just grabbed her and run. Instead I told her it would be okay and that I was here for her. Then it was over and the love of my life was dead. That night I buried her by Flapjack then cried myself to sleep. Two days went by and in my quest to find a home for Naughty I found out about a vet who does spays for 200 bucks... and excepts payment plans. The whole reason I had to put her down was because I couldn't afford a 400-600 dollar spay at the drop of a hat and no one in the area excepts payment plans. I hated myself for letting her down. I hated this city for screwing me over. I couldn't cope. I just wanted to die. Time has passed and I still can't think of her with thinking of her death, I still can't stop hating myself whenever I truly stop to think of her. She was my heart rat. She was my every thing. I knew when I got her, we wouldn't be together forever, but I thought we had more time.

I love you Twinkie, mama will always love you little baby. You meant the world to me and now that you're gone the world is a bleaker place. I am a better person for having known you and the love you gave me. Good night little baby, sleep in peace.


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## jd882

My heart goes out to you... You showed a world of kindness to some little creatures that could've otherwise met a fate worse than anything you or I could imagine. You were not selfish by any means. We all want our loved ones to be pain-free and live forever and nothing is worse than not getting help from those that are supposed to be there for our babies as well as us. You made some very difficult descisions throughout their lives as well as some great ones! A candy cane treat for a ratty? ADORABLE! Pride yourself on what you did right, what you gave them that no one else could, and always know that because of YOU, the journey of their lives was incredible!


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## Demonardae

Thanks Jd. I got her the treat because her 'birthday' (was unsure of her real birthday so I celebrated the day she came into my life) was so close to christmas and the candy cane shaped dog cookie seemed like a wonderful christmas/birthday present her cage mate Naughty received a treat as well (it was christmas after all), but her treat was a bit smaller. Also, it helped sharing my love for her on here, just like it helped when Flapjack passed. I'm glad I finally forced my self to write her story.


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## RatzRUs

Death is never the end,it's only the beginning of another wonderus adventure. Please take comfort in knowing she loves you as you love her. It's hard,but love knows no bounds. I am sure she understood you did what you had too.


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## DustyRat

Sad news indeed.


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## IOVERATS

You did a brave thing, not everyone would do the same. Being selfish would have been to deny her a painless death. Doing what you did was, in my view the right thing to do. I cried, I was reading through it, trying not to cry, but when I read your message at the bottom, I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry for your loss, they sounded like amazing rats. Just remember, they are waiting for you over the bridge. They loved you, no matter how you see it, they loved you and always will. Take pride in your decisions, after all, you didn't know that there was a vet who does spaying for a cheaper price. 

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know that whatever we say will change your mind about how you think what you did was selfish, but I hope we can comfort you in these said times. You probably didn't post sooner, as you were still coming to terms that your baby was gone from your life, pets leave holes I'm your life when they go, but they also leave amazing memories, ones to cherish and remember forever. I wish you good luck in your life. 


A wise t-shirt once said 'my rats think your gross too!' directed at all you rat haters out there!


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## Poodlepalooza

Sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you've given all your rats great lives and loved them wholeheartedly! They felt that love and knew you were doing the best for them! Now they are playing hard at the Bridge and you will see them again one day! Take comfort in knowing you gave her a wonderful life!


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## Demonardae

Thank you everyone. After writing that last night it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so devastated that she was gone and I kept wishing for it to not be true, writing that made me realize that she's gone and I did the best I could for her and that she is free from the pain. She's at the rainbow bridge, where all the wonderfully sweet animals go to wait for their humans to get there.


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## CapnKennedy

My heart has just been broken 3': I completely understand how heart broke you are..I still cry all the time over my little boy, Lucky. Don't blame yourself for any of that though. Sometimes things just happen that way sadly..My heart goes out to you and I hope that your heart can recover in a reasonable time. I'm so sorry for the loss of both your girls. </3


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## MandiMo

I'm so sorry for your loss... I completely understand your heartache.. I lost my sweet little man only on Tuesday and feel as though I may actually die from a broken heart... I cannot stop crying, haven't been work and struggling to keep upbeat for his brother who must also wonder what the heck is going on! I really hope it's true when people say times a great healer


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## cladcat6

Oh it must be so hard for you,I lost my girl last nite and had this special bond with her,she loved her cuddles so much she leaked my hand every evening,she was a true friend,Remember that you ve made the best decision at the time,it wasn't selfish and I m sure she understood.


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