# Quite a controversial thread (re. animal abuse).



## kazine (Jun 19, 2012)

My ex boyfriend had Dissociative Identity Disorder. I always felt so bad for feeling any negative feelings towards him for what his alters do so I didn't allow myself to). After spending 2 years being abused by`him and months after knowing that he'd been abusing my pets (he swore he'd killed the alter responsible but I eventually realised that this wasn't the case) I finally left him for the sake of my pets... All the feelings I should have felt are coming to the surface but there's one thing that's bothering me...

I had a pet rat, Cookie... The friendliest little thing and I loved him so much, he was only a baby, only about 3/4 months old. I was upstairs and my ex came up to me and told me that he'd fell off the sofa and wasn't moving. I came down and he was in fact not moving. I picked him up and he was floppy - seemed to have broken his back.

I have rats again and they have a huge cage... Higher than the sofa... And they climb the top and fall from the top all the time and they're absolutely fine... I've always wondered since we broke up... did he kill my rat? And ever since... I've just been getting more and more convinced... Now that my rats are falling from the top of the cage all the time, I'm becoming more and more and more convinced...

He killed my rat. I'm almost certain of it. I'd confront him but I doubt he'd tell me if it was true, and even if he did... I'm not sure I want to know. I'd feel so guilty. How could I live with myself... If he was abusive to me and tried to kill me, why the **** did I ever let him near my pets... Never mind leave them alone with him...

So stupid... I was so stupid. I thought he wouldn't hurt the animals... Even though I knew that his abuser hurt his animals... I just... I thought it would make him less likely to hurt animals because he hated what he did.

I don't know whether I'll ever feel closure about it without knowing though. But he wouldn't tell me. I don't know if I'd want to know or not.

I cried. I only had the rat for 2 months and I was really attached to him just like I've been attached to any of my rats, possibly more so because I just had the one rat and we were always together. I cried so hard when he died, and so did my ex... If his alter killed him, whether he knew about it or not I don't know...

I just hate him. I feel like I need to contact him and scream at him and let him know that I hate him so much for what he did to me and my animals but still at the same time I know it was his alters...

I just want to hate him and I don't feel like I can get closure because I still have empathy for his condition. The thought of him killing my rat makes me sick. I really really hope it was an accident.

Argh.


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## Rumy91989 (Dec 31, 2012)

Has he sought treatment for his condition? The one thing I've learned from being involved both personally and professionally with people with a wide variety of disorders is that people without the disorder tend to take responsibility away from the person with it when things go wrong, but the fact is that, if he was aware of it and wasn't doing anything about it, he is 100% entirely responsible for anything he or his alter egos did. That's all there is to it. 
If you feel the need to confront him about it, do so in a constructive way, if possible. Releasing anger on people almost never ends positively for anyone involved, but expressing your hurt and giving him suggestions that might guide him to a better future where he isn't hurting himself and the people and creatures around him would be a conversation worth having.


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## kazine (Jun 19, 2012)

He is trying to get help for it. The National Health service is a bloody disgrace however so it's not helping at all unfortunately. I just have to hate him for this all.


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## Mball77 (Jul 3, 2013)

Kazine I'm so sorry. You seem like a lovely and kind person which makes it so much harder to let go but I wish I knew this when I was younger. You may love that person with all your heart have it inverted to hate and back again but eaither or there is lots of emotion. When that person was such a big part of your life for better or for worse you begin to shape your self and mind in part of their reflection. I loved my best friend with all my heart even when she hurt me and hurt the people around me. Her family was my second family. It took us so long to see she was a sociopath. She could make us blame ourselves and turn us against each other for the horrible things she had done. Then she would "forgive" us for it.

But until I let go and got her out of my life (losing her family in the process which still hurts) all I wanted to do was help her. I spent so much of my energy, so much of my very being trying to help and understand them. I felt awful, I felt like I was abandoning her. Mind you this was a FRIEND, not a lover so I can't imagine what you are going through.

A relationship, no matter what kind of relationship, needs to stop when their sickness makes you sick. You did the right thing in leaving him. You are not a doctor, you must TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR HAPPINESS FIRST. It takes people, not just you, time to separate from someone you loved. You are not alone in this. If they are making you and those around you sick( your animals) you cannot help or support that person. It dson't matter if National Health Service is a disgrace, that is NOT YOUR RESPONSEABILITY. Your health, your happiness is. You did the right thing in leaving him, and it takes time. You are NOT STUPID. You are caring. What happened to you and your rat is so sad and not your fault. All you can do is step back and say...Never again. 

I still miss her to this day and I am still angry. I will not use facebook or anything using my real name because I fear contact from her again because I miss her and might fall into her traps all over again. I would feel guilty clicking the "ignore" button rather then avoiding her altogether. Its been years and yet she still has an impact on my soul. She made me (and others) feel loved and protected at a time when I didn't have many friends. I cannot contact her again as much as I want to scream at her for what she did to me and how she shaped me for the worse. 

She will not care...and chances are your ex won't either. They may act like they do but chances are they will not or turn it around on it being your fault. 

Talk out what happened with cookie was someone supportive and rational. It's not your fault what happened but I know it hurts. 
Best of luck.


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## Jackie (Jan 31, 2013)

This is such a hard thing for you to bare. Remember there is a chance it could have happened as he said. If a rat lands on it's back on a hard floor surface especially at a young age like that it could break it's back. Usually I see my rats fall (only from a short distance) and they land on their feet.
I disagree with Rumy because this disorder is different than many others in which you are not the same person. In my opinion you can't yell at him if it's something one of his alter's did. In my opinion they are separate people and usually can't even communicate to each other. It's a very tough disorder.
You were the best rat momma you could be to him and it isn't your fault no matter what happened. You may never know but you don't know that he did kill your rat so don't jump to conclusions. Just remember the good times you had with him while he was alive and let your other rat babies help fill the sadness with happiness. 

As Rumy said, if you really want to know... Don't yell, try to sort it out in a good way.


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