# Just Need to Vent



## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

I don't want sympathy, I don't want people to feel bad for me. I'm not looking for people to be on my side and tell me 'what I want to hear'. I just want/need to let this out.

My boyfriend just got his third speeding ticket within a year. First was last June, second was I don't even remember when, sometime at the beginning of winter, and then today.
Something about putting on cruise control while going up a hill, the car shifted and sped up, cop came over the hill before he was able to turn it off after realizing how much it made him speed up, and pulled him over.
He's 18, living with his mom and stepdad, the car is still in his mom's name, so she's paying insurance. 
So he's probably going to lose his insurance, and his mom is now punishing him by not letting him use the car on weekends for at least a month. (Seems pointless to me, if he loses his insurance he won't be driving the car at all.)
That's where I begin to get upset. The weekends are the only time him and I have to spend together, as we live ~20 minutes away from each other. So now I can't see him. Call me pathetic, but he's really all I have besides my animals, and seeing him every weekend really helps me get through the week. It makes me so incredibly upset.
I am just so angry at him for letting this happen. I'm angry at his mom for giving him that punishment because she's not just punishing him, she's punishing me too. I'm also angry at her choice of punishment due to the fact that NONE of those three speeding tickets had anything to do with his free time, where he's just driving around when he's not working (AKA, the weekend). We're together every weekend and never have we ever been pulled over, all three tickets were from during the week when he was on his way to work. (Actually, we have been pulled over once, but that's because one of his headlights was out, not his fault.) 
It all feels so unfair. I am so upset..


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## JAnimal (Jul 23, 2014)

I'm on your side. Stupied stupied. World. Sigh.


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

I figured I was going to get a lot of flack, and have people saying I like, deserve it or something!


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## AdequateRat (Mar 12, 2015)

Why would you deserve it? 
Your boyfriend is a dingle berry.  Tell him to slooow down! <3

I don't know you, him, or his mom..

But hopefully his mom will get over it soon and you guys can spend time together.

The struggle is real!


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

I donno man! But I am so frustrated with him! >.< I told him he needs to slow down, and he better, or I'm going to speed right by him and never look back!

First step, he needs to find a new job. Second step, he needs to get his mom to sign the car over to his name so it's his! Third step, find somewhere that'll insure him. Finally, move the heck out! Boyyyy oh boyyy.

It is so real. ;-;


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

I think I had a total of about 23 points pending in various courts, not counting the assorted police chases I actually won, when one morning around sunrise. after cruising around at high speed all weekend my front wheel just snapped off while I was sitting at a complete stop waiting to make a left turn. It was a real creative challenge to beat or negotiate all of those tickets to save my license (and by the way the cruise control defense doesn't usually work unless you can get a mechanic to certify that it malfunctioned and you couldn't reasonably have regained control of your car before you were speeding). But after I nearly got killed and somewhere between standing in the street throwing rocks at my car and replacing the lower control arms that snapped, I finally woke up and haven't gotten another speeding ticket for the last 30 or so years.... It's not that I haven't speeded since, I just need a much better reason to put my life and the lives of other people at risk than I did before I realized how badly and quickly things can go wrong when you are doing over 100 MPH.

Guys inherently like driving fast and we are slow to learn, but eventually he'll either get himself killed or someone else killed or he'll get it... Actually losing his insurance or his driving privileges isn't such a bad outcome compared to the alternatives.

Although, at heart, guys never change; we do learn and mellow a bit with age and experience.. a little trauma goes a long way to that end.

Hang in there... putting up with stupidity is most likely one of the more common challenges ladies face when dating guys.

Best luck.


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

Rat Daddy said:


> I think I had a total of about 23 points pending in various courts, not counting the assorted police chases I actually won, when one morning around sunrise. after cruising around at high speed all weekend my front wheel just snapped off while I was sitting at a complete stop waiting to make a left turn. It was a real creative challenge to beat or negotiate all of those tickets to save my license (and by the way the cruise control defense doesn't usually work unless you can get a mechanic to certify that it malfunctioned and you couldn't reasonably have regained control of your car before you were speeding). But after I nearly got killed and somewhere between standing in the street throwing rocks at my car and replacing the lower control arms that snapped, I finally woke up and haven't gotten another speeding ticket for the last 30 or so years.... It's not that I haven't speeded since, I just need a much better reason to put my life and the lives of other people at risk than I did before I realized how badly and quickly things can go wrong when you are doing over 100 MPH.
> 
> Guys inherently like driving fast and we are slow to learn, but eventually he'll either get himself killed or someone else killed or he'll get it... Actually losing his insurance or his driving privileges isn't such a bad outcome compared to the alternatives.
> 
> ...


You always have so much to say, I like that.
I understand liking to going fast, I enjoy going fast too. However, he really does need to realize that he just can't do that. He can't keep getting tickets. 
I assume he's going to lose his insurance here sometime soon, and I assume he'll get something in the mail about it? I'm not too sure how all this works. I'm still hoping that, by some miracle, they won't take away his insurance. That would be awesome.
We live in Canada though, I believe he said the speed limit where he was driving was 80 km/h, and I'm positive his cruise control was set to 110 km/h. What's that in MPH? You must have been rippin' at 100 MPH! Hopefully now he will be more cautious.


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## Rat Daddy (Sep 25, 2011)

110 KPH is about 68 MPH... At the time I was driving a 1966 Oldsmobile with a 425 4bbl "super rocket" engine that pushed 365 Horsepower @ 425 ft/lbs of torque... Going really fast was easy, perhaps a bit expensive at about 1 MPG when you kicked in the secondary carburetors but at 60 cents a gallon well worth the thrill... 

What you don't realize is how long it takes to stop or even slow down when you are going that fast especially when your barreling down on a police car doing 60 MPH faster than he is... I actually still have the car and plan to restore it some day. It unfortunately became too expensive to drive at less than 10 MPG on it's best day down a hill with a strong tailwind. 

I managed to bring in the parts from my broken speedometer and get some sympathy from a judge, but when we tried the cruise control argument in front of a judge, in a case for a friend, the judge told us that the human is always responsible... hence the broken speedometer for my own case. I honestly couldn't have known how fast I was going after my cable conveniently broke just before I got the ticket and until I got it fixed the next day, I also provided receipts for the replacement cable and parts along with exploded diagrams and a mechanic friend to answer technical questions. I didn't exactly win my case, but lets say I didn't do badly either and my driver's license survived. 

Your boyfriend will either learn or he won't... it's hard to give up something you enjoy doing for consequences that might or might not happen... so mostly real learning takes place after consequences do happen.

Like I said, guys do stupid things and we are really slow to learn and change doesn't come easy... it's just part of our charm and likely gives girls an unfair advantage over us... I'm told that some bad boys are more charismatic... certainly in my day being reckless was part of my charm, or so I was told... Still most of my smarter girlfriends married rich boring guys... Some are still friends, most have kids and claim to be more or less happy.

I'm not offering any advise, just making an observation.


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

All I can do is hope.


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## artgecko (Nov 26, 2013)

In the grand scheme of things, this will be a "good thing" and hopefully a lesson he will learn from... As rat daddy said, better the temporary mental pain of not being able to go out and have fun (or see you), then permanent physical injury or death. 

Try to understand what his mom's point of view is too... if he didn't get harsh consequences for speeding, it could lead to him being in an accident and dying.. That is her number one goal as a parent, to help him learn to be a successful adult (and a living one at that). I'm sure she doesn't want to punish him this way, but the punishment in this case is very fitting to what he did.

Ride it out and maybe give HIM some flack for what he did and not being able to see him.. Maybe that will help drive home the point that he needs to behave responsibly.


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## Fraido (Oct 1, 2014)

artgecko said:


> In the grand scheme of things, this will be a "good thing" and hopefully a lesson he will learn from... As rat daddy said, better the temporary mental pain of not being able to go out and have fun (or see you), then permanent physical injury or death.
> 
> Try to understand what his mom's point of view is too... if he didn't get harsh consequences for speeding, it could lead to him being in an accident and dying.. That is her number one goal as a parent, to help him learn to be a successful adult (and a living one at that). I'm sure she doesn't want to punish him this way, but the punishment in this case is very fitting to what he did.
> 
> Ride it out and maybe give HIM some flack for what he did and not being able to see him.. Maybe that will help drive home the point that he needs to behave responsibly.


I gave him flack over the phone when he told me!
But I am certainly hoping that he will finally learn the lesson he should have learned after the first ticket. 
I do understand his mom's choice in punishment, but I still don't like it.


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