# A Rant About Parents



## Willow&Faith (Jan 25, 2014)

Alright, so I'm going to preface this rant by saying that if you find teenagers complaining about their parents to be annoying, don't read this post. See, my parents aren't awful people. Actually, they're pretty nice people. The only problem is that they are both so polar opposite of me that it's really hard for me to get along with them.

Today is Valentine's Day. I actually don't mind Valentine's Day, even though I've never had a boyfriend. This is probably because I find most boys my age to be rather uninteresting. For some reason, this really frustrates my mother. When I came home from school today, they first thing she asked was "did you get a flower?" (our school does this thing where in the days leading up to Valentine's Day you can buy a carnation for $2 and write a little message on a paper and then have them sent to someone's class on Valentine's Day). I told her I got one from a friend, and that's it. My mom gave me this look, and then started asking me about my grad date, which is a conversation we have just about every week and usually ends in an argument. See, my mom really wants me to have a boyfriend. She thinks it's 'strange' that I haven't dated anyone yet. I try to explain to her that I'm just not interested in anyone at my school, but she just doesn't understand.

I think the reason for this is that when my mother was my age, she was pretty, popular, athletic and basically the stereotypical pretty rich blonde girl. My dad was pretty much the male equivalent. My parents knew they only wanted one child, so when that child was a girl I think my mom had all these fantasies of me growing up to be just like her. We look pretty similar (although I have my dad's hair and eye colour), but personality wise we could not be more different. My dad is a family lawyer and my mom is a prosecuting lawyer, and they are very focused on me going to university and getting a degree and getting a job that pays great money, just like them. When I was 13, I decided I wanted to be a veterinarian. I got into a huge argument with both of them, which was finally ended when my dad did some research and informed us that 'well, they make almost $100 000 a year. That's reasonable.' Yeah dad, because that's why I want to be a vet. I'm in it for the money.

Seriously though, my mom makes me wake up an hour early every morning to do my hair and makeup. If it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't even wear the stuff! I hate it. For some reason she thinks I need to 'look good' for school. They also don't get my obsession with animals. I think for a long time they hoped that it was just a phase and it would pass. I know it sounds terrible, but sometimes I honestly can't wait for graduation just so that I can move out and get away from them. It's like they don't get that I'm my own person, and that to me, money isn't the most important thing in the world. I would rather be broke but love my job, than be a millionaire and hate waking up every morning. :/

Sorry for the typical 'I'm a misunderstood adolescent, waaaaaah!' I just needed to get this off my chest.


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## nanashi7 (Jun 5, 2013)

Yikes. I just wouldn't do what they asked. My friend was a pageant girl an I thought she did it for fun but it was her moms will. She liked anime and we went to a con dressed up and her mother told her she looked fat and to suck in her stomach. Ow. 

I never wore makeup and I don't do my hair. I rarely intentionally pick out nice clothes (jeans n oversized sweater for me super comfy). My first boyfriend was at 17. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

It is nice that your parents provide for you. It helps to keep that in perspective.
However, it is incredibly frustrating to be told what is expected of you. It is nice to see that you know your ideals and what you would like out of life. You will be able to use that to make it happen which is fantastic. Vet school is competitive, and I imagine your lawyer-parents would not mind bragging about their kid getting into one of the hyper-competitive vet schools. Sometimes using stupid things like that as a leverage helps. You know your ideals and while it would be awesome to get your parents on-board, it does not hurt to find a balance. (The balance being- "You can brag about me." NOT "I'll do what you want me to do instead.")

Hang in there. It is not easy, and I do not mean to trivialize your legitimate frustrations. It is awesome that you have perspective of your age and situation, but of course, you're frustrated. It sounds like you really would like to take a step back and not have your mother live through you. She doesn't sound awful at all, but she has expectations and opinions that you do not share.

Once you get out of the house, you will be able to explore and ditch the parts you disliked and highlight the parts you do like of your household. I am sorry to hear about the arguments. Can you try telling her you are waiting for someone worthwhile? Why rush into a relationship when you have your studies, interests and hobbies? You sound grounded, and that is cool.

This is a bit long... but I wish you the best. You will pull through!

(I write this because my family consistently disapproved of me. I am queer-identified and had been thrown out of my house on multiple occasions. My mother and I fought so much, and she told me "I'd rather you have gotten pregnant and married at 18 then do what you are doing now." What I was "doing" was dating a woman, getting great grades in college and getting therapy for all the things that were less-than-perfect in my childhood. Overall, I was becoming a stable, healthy adult instead of being knocked-up and married to my high school sweetheart. Six years later... my mother and I talk daily. We are still learning how to handle one another, but she has become WAY more accepting of my choices. She sees that I turned out fine, and I am doing incredibly well for myself. She had her expectations, and I **** all over them. I don't mind that I did this, and she learned to accept it. It does not always end in roses, but you can alleviate tension and remove yourself from negative situations over time.)


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## Sylver (Sep 5, 2013)

lol, that's almost creepy. My mom was the exact opposite in every way. She nearly cried when I started wearing makeup, and she was very concerned about me dating. My mom was very hesitant to see me grow up into a woman, your mom seems like she's trying to push you into it. 

I've come to the conclusion though that all families are bizarre. 

Personally, and this may be because I'm really a terrible person deep down... but I would have pranked my mom so hard if she was like that. Yeah mom, I get LOTS of Valentines. By the way, you're about to be a grandma! Now take a look at this year book so you can help me find out who the father is when its born. 

Or just let her know that you have unreasonably high standards that no high school or college boy could ever hope fulfill.


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## evander (Jun 30, 2013)

As the mom of 3 teenagers - I wanted to say I am sorry your parents don't seem to hear or see your wishes.

I hope that as you become more mature and responsible they learn to trust your decisions and truly listen to you - so you can live a happy life based on decisions you have made on your own - hopefully with them lovingly guiding you.

Be respectful but be vocal about the choices you want to make for YOUR future!

Good luck!!


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## Willow&Faith (Jan 25, 2014)

Thanks for the advice guys.  I'm waiting to hear back from the University of Calgary (I sent my application at the beginning of December). They should respond by the end of March. I really hope I get in, I've been working my butt off this year and last year to make my grades stand out.  I think my relationship with my parents will be a lot better once we take some time apart. I know that they love me and that they want what's best for me, it's just that sometimes I feel like they aren't listening to what _I _want. They are proud of me, and they already brag about my marks to their friends, so the exclusivity of UCal's vet program does appeal to them in that way.  I also feel a certain amount of pressure to do well and be successful because I'm an only child, which I think is pretty common.

One thing I'm worried about is what I'll do with the rats when I leave for university. I really _really_ don't want to take them on a plane, just because I've heard horror stories of small animals getting lost or dropped or suffocated. :/ I'll probably end up driving, because I just don't like flying in general. By the time I'll be heading East, Willow and Faith will only be a month or two away from their second birthday, and I don't want to but them through the stress of a 7hr car ride, and then acclimatizing to a new home. I've thought about it a lot and as much as I hate it, I think I'll have to leave them here.  My best friend loves rats, and is staying here next year to take the vet tech program at our local university (we have a really awesome vet tech program here). I've talked it over with her, and she's agreed to take them and my old single critter nation cage when I go. God, just typing this is making me choke up a little. I'm going to miss them so much. Willow and Faith are the first two rats I've ever had, and it's going to kill me to leave them behind, knowing that I'll probably only ever see them in pictures (my friend promised to send me weekly updates on them). I do plan on taking the babies with me, as well as the DCN all four are living in right now. I don't think I could leave all 4 behind, I just.... couldn't.


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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

That will be such a major transition! When you move, will you live in an apartment that allows small pets? 

Many university dormitories will have policies against small animals. At the very least, mine did. 
I know a few people that hid pets, but it is pretty difficult to hide a 5' 8" cage!

I wish you the very best of luck with your application. Senior year was so stressful in that regard, but it all comes together.
Leaving your older girls will be tough, but you are being so ahead of the game by making sure that they are first-and-foremost on your mind. You've found care through a person you know. I believe it will work out well for you. It won't be easy, but you are such a good rat-momma thinking about their care now.


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## Willow&Faith (Jan 25, 2014)

My dad and I are going to go during spring break to shop around for apartments. I know the dorms at UCal don't allow any pets on campus other than fish. There is one building that I've got my eye on. It's 600 sqft, has free internet and cable for the first year, has a fridge, stove, and balcony in every apartment, and it's just over $1000 a month, which is actually pretty cheap seeing as some of the apartments my parents liked were $4000  Thankfully, heat, water, and a parking stall are all included in the rent. I like it because it's less than a 10 minute drive from the university, and it allows pets as long as they're small and quiet and you pay an extra $250 when you move in.

My friend suggested hiding them, too. XP I briefly considered selling the DCN and getting a smaller cage (maybe a Rat Manor or something of the sort), but I do plan on getting more rats in the future, and Nova and Hazel will probably appreciate having such huge cage all to themselves.  Thanks for saying that I'm a good rat-parent. I really do wish I could take all 4, but my fear is that the sudden change will just be too much for them, and if one of them gets sick I'll have to rush to find a good vet that doesn't charge an arm and a leg. I figure the younger girls will be able to adapt better (they'll be 8-9 months), and it won't be such a shock to their systems. I've been begging my parents for a pet for as long as I can remember, and now that I have them, I just want to do everything in my power to keep them happy and healthy, even if that means giving them up.


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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

It is great that you started searching! You are comparing prices and exploring your options. If you do it early, you can sign on an apartment a few months prior (getting a good deal since you price shopped and potentially negotiated).

I love my DCN and will never give it up although it is going to be a hassle to move from Point A to Point B. The girls deserve the best that I can offer, and I try to offer the very best. If you are looking at apartments, you should be fine with finding a pet-friendly location. Also, check into the policies. Small pets are not usually part of the "pet-deposit" policy. Or rather, I would not know the norm. My current apartment only makes pet deposits go down on pets that can "affect the apartment." Now I know that I take my girls out all the time; however, small animals, fish, reptiles and birds do not require a deposit because they are "cage animals." Therefore, the apartment is not worried about damages caused by these animals the way that they think a cat or dog could scratch or pee on something.

Anyway, go you and yay for good friends and family that-- even when frustrating-- are available. University is just around the corner! My younger sister is your age. I know how pumped she is for graduation. It can be tons of fun! Though I do hope you navigate through the prom-questions easily enough since your mom seems to be into your dating life. She sounds like the sort of person that will care very much about your prom-plans. But I could be mistaken!


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## abratforarat (Jan 12, 2014)

Wow! How do you manage? I have family problems but not like this at all. I would be strong with them, tell them you don't care about this kind of stuff, you are NOT interested
yet.


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## Willow&Faith (Jan 25, 2014)

a brat for a rat: My parents can be frustrating sometimes, but I'll admit that I'd rather have nosy parents who are up in my business all the time than parents who honestly don't give a crap. I know a few people like that.

My parents really are good parents. Honestly, I'm kind of spoiled (I basically have the entire upper floor of our house to myself unless we have company over), and I appreciate and understand that most people don't have that luxury. My parents are paying my tuition *and* are also splitting my rent with me. About a month ago I spilled tea on my laptop on a Saturday night. When I got home from school on Monday there was a new one on my bed. That's the kind of life my parents have, and that's the kind of life they want me to have. The problem is that to me, having extra money is great, but it's not my goal. I want to do something I love, something that helps people (or animals in this case). I know my parents love me, but we just have really different values.

ratswithfoxandbear: When we go check places out, I plan on asking them quesitons about their policies on rats specifically, just because they're one of those animals that some people are really uncomfortable with.


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## ratswithfoxandbear (Feb 12, 2014)

You are lucky, and you are rad for recognizing that buying extra laptops is not in everyone's budget. Heck, I haven't had a personal laptop since my last one broke a year ago. I'm fortunate because my school (I'm a teacher) provides one for work-uses. Also, paying for tuition is a huge deal because school debt can be pretty crippling.

Luckily for your parents vets make good money. If you choose to work elsewhere and do not make as much money, that is your choice as well. Your parents want what is best for you, and their values provided you a very good life. It makes sense why they would push that on you since it worked out well for them.

Patience and understanding is key. Of course you need to be firm and stay true to you. You are living your life. Your parents are not.

Yes, there are so many misconceptions about rats. We asked about it, and the landlord told me not to tell the landlady that we have them. So, hey, we got the okay but he knows she would freak out on the basis that they are rats. It keeps mice away, though! There is a decent selling point.  Best of luck on the search!


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## NeeNee (Feb 5, 2014)

Not sure where in Canada you are, but if you were to fly, you can take your pets as carry-on in a little carrier, which can sit on your lap. I'm also told (although I cannot validate it as I am new to this world of rats myself) that rats are actually pretty versitile and adaptable. Changes in scenery may not affect them to the degree you are worrying about 

But in any case, you're babies will be fine because you are obvisously very diligent in their care and well-being. Good luck to you! I had once aspired for vet school but crashed out in my senior year of highschool and could not hope for a chance of admission . I still regret it to this day.


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