# Had dog PTS and struggling to cope



## paigebrittain_ (May 14, 2013)

I know this isn't the best place and I should be on a dog forum but I've had great support from here in the past with my rats so feel more comfortable asking here. I hope that's okay!

Last week I had my dog put to sleep. She was my entire world, my best friend, my dog equivalent to a heart rat. I was 4 when we got here and she was 1, she was a rescue. I'm 20 now and she was 17. 

We've known for about 6 years that we should be prepared to lose here. We were so so lucky (her name was Lucky too) to have so much time with her but it was such a shock at the same time. 

She's had a few funny turns in the past and had days where she was achey and sleepy but most of the time she still ran around like a puppy. I moved out of my parents home last year and leaving her and our other dog was the hardest part. I grew up with Lucky and we had such a strong bond. 

Last week my Mam called and sad Lou had a funny turn over night and couldn't walk. I pretty much knew there that we were going to lose her. I rushed round and unlike other times when shes had a bad turn I could see she wasn't herself. She was trying to walk and could get up so we had hope still.

The vet said she had a very weak heart and although she could give us some medication and send her home it would only prolong her death by a few, possible painful for her, hours so we did what needed to be done. I held her whilst the sedative made her sleepy then we put her on the table and I held and kissed her face whilst the final injection worked. I felt her last breaths on my face. It was peaceful. 

Deep down I know we did what was right. If we had taken her home and something had happened whilst the vet was closed she would have died painfully. But I still feel so so guilty. What if she could have made it? What if we did the wrong thing? I can't stop crying and I can't forgive myself. 

I'm really struggling to cope. She was the best thing in my life and helped me though so many rough times. I think not living at home makes it harder because I'm not there to see that she's really gone and I still feel like I'll see her and kiss her nose next time I see her. 

Sorry for the ramble, it feels good to say everything though. My family and boyfriend are supportive but I'm not good at showing emotions around people. 

Does anyone have any tips? I know it's not been long but I feel so guilty and miss her so much I don't know what to do. 

Thanks x


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## Jessiferatu (Apr 30, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have a lot of advice, except maybe journaling? Writing down your feelings can help in many situations, especially with grief. Also, and I know this is easier said than done, you should absolutely not feel guilty. Forgive yourself because you did nothing wrong. (((hugs)))


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## Huly (Mar 24, 2015)

I just lost my 17 year old Basset In January. She was similar to your case with over night not able to walk. We think It might have been a tuimor on her spine. She did not have any feeling In her rear legs etc. The only possibility we would have had was to put her In a wheelchair but that would have made Sadie miserable. I couldn't do that to my spunky feisty girl. You did what was right but It Is never easy. I still question If I made the right choice and In my heart I
know It was the best for Sadie. I still miss her and I still look for her. You are going through the normal steps of mourning. One day you and I will both be able to look at a photo and laugh instead of cry. 

Here is my favorite poem. I hope it helps you like it has me

*I ONLY WANTED YOU* 


They say memories are golden
 well maybe that is true.
 I never wanted memories,
 I only wanted you.


A million times I needed you,
 a million times I cried.
 If love alone could have saved you
 you never would have died.


In life I loved you dearly,
 In death I love you still.
 In my heart you hold a place
 no one could ever fill.


If tears could build a stairway
 and heartache make a lane,
 I'd walk the path to heaven
 and bring you back again.


Our family chain is broken,
 and nothing seems the same.
 But as God calls us one by one,
 the chain will link again.


Author unknown


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