# Coping with Loss



## SoaringRat (Apr 18, 2016)

I didn't see a thread like this, and I thought it would be appropriate to write a post on this. Forgive me if this is the incorrect area for this.

Our ratties are our children to us, and to some of us, they're our therapy animals. The loss of our rattie children is painful, and some of us may not know how to cope with the loss.

What I'd like to accomplish in this thread is for others alongside myself to share their coping techniques, so that those in need may try different methods as self care to help themselves out of the pain of loss, and to once again stepping forward with the bright, loving heart that our ratties helped us to create.

Here we go!

1. *Your feelings are valid*. YOU matter, your emotions matter. Do not deny yourself moments to let yourself go, and to FEEL your emotions, and express them _in a neutral or positive manner._

DO: allow yourself to cry (if you have to scream into a pillow, do it), talk it out with a trusted individual

DO NOT: cause you or any other living being harm (if you feel you may cause yourself or another being harm, immediately dial 911 (or region specific emergency services) and/or reach out to a loved one that will assist you in contacting emergency services)), do not damage your own property or that of anyone else (this will only cause yourself increased harm via damages possibly including financial compensation or total property loss, stress, and negative emotions)

2. *Express your feelings in a constructive, positive manner.

*There are many methods which people use in order to cope with the loss of a loved one. Below, I will list those which I've personally utilized. I strongly encourage the community to post their *positive, constructive coping methods*. Please refrain from posting destructive, negative methods. Let us promote healing, not harm.

*a. First and foremost*: talking. Reach out to a loved one, reach out here on our forum. Your feelings are valid, the hurt and loss you feel are valid. No other loss is greater than or less than your own. You lost your rattie, your child, and/or therapy animal. You're valid. Never let anyone convince you otherwise, never let anyone attempt to diminish the gravity of your loss. Talk about your baby, how you came to have your special rattie, what you did, what they meant to you, talk about your journey. Talk about the loss, do NOT deny your emotions, as this will only create future problems. In speaking about the loss and expressing yourself, bear in mind that the loss does not and will not define your memories of your baby. As you go forward, do NOT let the loss overshadow their memory. Remember your rattie as they were, and all the loving, happy memories you created together. This is their legacy, your legacy with them.

What I like to keep in mind as I walk through the process of grief is: "the pain of loss is temporary, but the love and the memories last forever, and when the pain has faded, only the love and memories will remain."

*b. Get Creative.* So long as the activity is positive and constructive, getting creative can help you walk through the process of grief. By being creative, we can use the hurt in our heart as fuel to push forward with the activity, eventually releasing it (like a knot in a string). Additionally, it helps the brain focus and calm itself, releasing endorphins. Personally, I create what are referred to as "vent" arts (traditional or digital sketches or paintings or doodles) to help myself release the hurt within my heart. Another activity I delve into is sewing, particularly making blankies for my remaining ratties.

What creative activities do you partake in? Gardening, cooking, wood working, painting, drawing, collage working, sculpting, and writing are just a few examples.

Please post below what sorts of positive, constructive methods you use when working through the grieving process!

Remember: you are loved, you matter, your emotions are valid, you are NOT alone!

Remember: your rattie loves you, your rattie wants the best for you, your rattie wants you to be happy!

Great big hugs to you, my fellow rat mommies and daddies <3 Let's help each other heal <3


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## rottengirl (Mar 16, 2016)

Thank you so much for this!


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## SoaringRat (Apr 18, 2016)

You're most welcome! I wanted to leave a resource here for others. I didn't have anyone with my first trio, so I had to learn how to cope on my own.. I don't want others to deal with that, so I've dumped what I know here <3


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## Kornelia (Jul 26, 2021)

I recently had to put down one of my rats and give away my last remaining one as he wasn't happy on his own. I've found that anything fiddly that requires concentration helps take my mind off my loss. I also kept several items that remind me of my rats including their first food bowls and a couple of strands of hair I snipped from my rat before burying him. I'm still struggling immensely but being around people helps. Also lots and lots of crying and comfort food :')


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## JaneTheRat (Nov 11, 2021)

I think that will help a lot to people that lost their wonderful rat children. Personally I have no idea why I'm here, as my rats are still less than a year old. Guess I'm trying to help others... and prepare too...


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