# I hate when humour comes at the expense of others. It can be hurtful.



## Roxy the Rat (Apr 7, 2013)

Ugh. I currently live in my father's house. His cousin came over tonight unexpectedly, so we paused what we were watching and started talking. I was munching on some baby crackers plus sharing them with my dog. My dad noticed that and said jokingly "Wow, you'd think that you hadn't eaten supper." Whatever, no harm no foul. Except. His cousin started laughing and said "No wonder you're fat." The last time I saw him, he made a similar comment. It p*sses me off that he has to make what he clearly thinks are hilarious jokes at my expense.

When I was a kid, I was humungous. To give you an idea, by grade 4 I weighed more than I weigh now. I hit puberty about a month or two before my 7th birthday. Yup, you read that right. Most 10 year olds seem a bit on the heavy side if they weight 80 or 90 pounds, obviously depending on their weight. I weighed 140-150. 

Now that you've gotten an idea of how big I was... I didn't really care at first, until about grade six. And then the comments that my mother continuously made got to me. And for years I was extremely self conscious, hated myself, could hardly stand to look in the mirror, binged and purged, etc. Since then I've lost a good part of the weight, and although I still have my moments I can usually look in full length mirrors and at the very least appreciate what I see. I've kicked my bad habits, and I feel relatively decent about myself, even if I am still a bit overweight. If I wasn't though... those comments would hurt a lot. And I probably wouldn't have handled it very well. If he were to say that to someone else, it could really hurt them, or could force them to hurt themselves. 

And I can't even say anything about it. He's always been like that, but lately he hasn't been in his right mind. My sister thinks it's dementia, I think it's due to drinking. At any rate, he can't remember things and he'll mention the same thing 5 times in an hour, so it's not even like saying anything would make a difference. And aside from that, aside from one close friend no one knows about my past struggles and I'd rather not get into them. I left the mental abuse and self hate in the past, and I intend to keep it there. But at moments like those, it really triggers back memories.

I just don't understand why it's necessary. There are better ways to bring enjoyment to yourself and others.


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## Gannyaan (Dec 7, 2012)

Mentioning the same story several times in a short span of time is a tell tale sign of Alzheimer's.... Among many other symptoms, it that is definitely one of them. Forgetting you told a story last week is normal with age... 30 mins ago, not so much.

Once Alzheimer's or other types of dementia progress, they do start to affect personality, etc..

If he were in his right mind, i would probably shoot something back at him about how he's old and not exactly the hottest item on the market... Then id call him "grandpa " the rest of the night, just to get under his skin. don't dish it if you cant take it ! But ....If I truly that he was sick, I would let it slide though... I feel empathy for those who are ill.. I'd probably say "yeah yeah very funny ha ha" . With the elderly and the ill, i say... be the better person...they can't change even if they wanted to, and once they are gone you can't feel as if you've made amends.

I know it can be hurtful..... The more you love yourself, the less you care about silly comments like that.... It's hard to develop a thick skin, but you will be much happier for it  

Also, kudos to you for maintaining your health... It's hard to build your self esteem after something like that, but you seem like you're in a good direction . Plus... I don't buy the whole toothpick=beautiful logic... I know many women who are beautiful of all sizes. I. Sure you know some too! 


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## Pawprints (Feb 17, 2014)

I know what you mean. I've never been skinny, even when I was a kid I was always a little chubbier than the other kids. When I was in the 8th grade there was this group of "cool kids" in my art class talking about all the "ugly" girls and with ones they would do. One look at me (I usually wore a hoodie but had it off that day) and said "eww she's fat!" and they all started making fat comments about me. Yeah, that didn't help my self-esteem at all.

I'm still not skinny but I have slimmed down a little bit. I know I'm chubby but it doesn't really bother me too much unless I happen to be in a bad mood. I have a pot belly that I'm still trying to get rid of. 

Overall I like my body and if others don't, I really don't give a hoot! ;D

Be proud of who you are and don't worry about what others think (I know it's harder to do then say). You sound beautiful and I bet you look even more so <3


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

My brother calls me fat ask the time and it hurts my feelings and it's so hard to ignore it. 
All my childhood I was a toothpick. I was so skinny it looked like my mom was starving me. I looked malnourished and frail.
On the contrary my mom actually overfed me. Anyway I was made fun of ruthlessly by my classmates for being thin. They treated me like a virus and would avoid physical contact with me at all costs. Then when I hit puberty I put on weight unbelievably fast. My mom's huuuuge dinner portions finally caught up to me. So I've been made fun of for being thin and now I get made fun of for being fat.
Humans are vile evil beings... If you aren't the one making fun of other people you will be made fun of. No matter your weight or appearance...

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## Batman (Sep 11, 2013)

I always got called fat and I was I haves thyroid problem so even though I'm a veggie eater I'm still.fat BC my thyroid desides to br an ass sometimes. We can't all be skinny I'd rather be fat and happy then skinny and winder if people liked me or my body. Point is I know how hard it can be especially with looking at yourself in the mirror I had horrible self esteem
Especially in high school when someone flipped my desk upside down and stuck a note saying out of order on it and the whole class laughed. They didn't laugh so much when I ninja kicked the Jock who done it lol but the thing is people are Chunky for multiple reasons the simplest is humans are built different like I will always be looking hefty since soman is in my blood so no matter hoe much I loose ill still look like a porker. Just don't let them get to you I know its hard 

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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

Yeah, people are really horrid. I'm actually thin (not skinny, just normal weight) and have been all my life, but there were still idiots who called me fat and it got to me. I started skipping food, obsessing about my weight, doing exercise...I even made myself vomit once, and that was really awful. 
I have always been called ugly, ever since I was a kid (ten years old, maybe), so my self-esteem was minimal during most of high school, but...things have changed. I have changed. I realized I can't spend MY life thinking about what others think of me. I know it's difficult, especially if its your own family telling you stuff, but you can do it! You're a beautiful person and that's worth so much more than vain people commenting on your looks/weight.
About your father... my grandmother has dementia and it's quite scary...
If we're watching TV, she can't follow the plot and will say stuff like: "he has sinister eyes" about five times during the duration of the show. She also says stuff that doesn't make sense, like: "I will call my father later on"
If it gets worse, try convincing him to go to the doctor.


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

Kuraudia said:


> Yeah, people are really horrid. I'm actually thin (not skinny, just normal weight) and have been all my life, but there were still idiots who called me fat and it got to me. I started skipping food, obsessing about my weight, doing exercise...I even made myself vomit once, and that was really awful.
> I have always been called ugly, ever since I was a kid (ten years old, maybe), so my self-esteem was minimal during most of high school, but...things have changed. I have changed. I realized I can't spend MY life thinking about what others think of me. I know it's difficult, especially if its your own family telling you stuff, but you can do it! You're a beautiful person and that's worth so much more than vain people commenting on your looks/weight.
> About your father... my grandmother has dementia and it's quite scary...
> If we're watching TV, she can't follow the plot and will say stuff like: "he has sinister eyes" about five times during the duration of the show. She also says stuff that doesn't make sense, like: "I will call my father later on"
> If it gets worse, try convincing him to go to the doctor.


I despise when people call others who are thin, fat. There is just no winning. Fat, skinny healthy you are bound to be called fat at least once. 
And holy smokes trying to eat around other people can be a nightmare. My brother got mad at me for eating cooked carrots as if it were the most unhealthy thing ever. I can't eat without people glaring at me or making comments. As if they expect me to starve myself.

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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

Voltage said:


> I despise when people call others who are thin, fat. There is just no winning. Fat, skinny healthy you are bound to be called fat at least once.
> And holy smokes trying to eat around other people can be a nightmare. My brother got mad at me for eating cooked carrots as if it were the most unhealthy thing ever. I can't eat without people glaring at me or making comments. As if they expect me to starve myself.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Really? Your brother sounds like a dick (please don't be offended )
People are...disgusting. Just because you're not "perfect" you have to starve yourself? 
I don't really like eating with other people most of the time, but sometimes it gets lonely... I like eating with my family, it's mostly fun!


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

My brother is a huuuuuge jerk. I can't even talk to him without him saying things like," shut up Tonya" "no one wants to hear you talk" "do you ever shut up" "no one cares" and that is just when I talk and I don't have to be talking to him for him to say such things. He has an insult for me for just about everything. He is pretty verbally abusive toward me. 
I don't know why he is so mean to me. Growing up we were the best of friends. He says he is like this because of all the times I've tried to kill him which is ridiculous. My aunt (who is kinda crazy) said that I held I knife to my brother 's throat when we were toddlers but our mom says she doubts that ever happened. And I used to get aggressive when we would fight because my brother would sit on me or put me in a headlock when he got mad but I never ever tried to kill or even hurt him. But he acts like I'm some kind of demon psycho path that he needs to keep in check.

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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

That is ridiculous. Seriously. My sister once put her hands to my throat and pushed hard and I couldn't breathe, but I don't tell her she tried to kill me because it just isn't true. 
Jeez, reading that makes my sister seem quite bad xD
Maybe it's just a phase thing? Or has it been going on for very long? He'll probably stop when he's older and matures...don't promise anything, though... In the meanwhile, just ignore him. If he wants to be a giant dickhead, he can, but not to you.


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

Kuraudia said:


> That is ridiculous. Seriously. My sister once put her hands to my throat and pushed hard and I couldn't breathe, but I don't tell her she tried to kill me because it just isn't true.
> Jeez, reading that makes my sister seem quite bad xD
> Maybe it's just a phase thing? Or has it been going on for very long? He'll probably stop when he's older and matures...don't promise anything, though... In the meanwhile, just ignore him. If he wants to be a giant dickhead, he can, but not to you.


The thing is, he is 19 years old. He was A LOT nicer before he got back from Americorps. And when he is drunk (he gets really nice and very truthful when he is drunk) he tells me that he can't help being a jerk to me and that he doesn't want to but it just happens. On the bright side he got a job with the NCC and his job requires camping at the site of his current work location. Like right now he is camping at the lake. Basically he is pulling out huge weeds that are an invasive species that is harming the environment. My brother has done a lot of good things. Like volunteering for habitat for humanity and at shelters. He has taken care of animals, he built houses for the people who lost theirs in natural disasters, he has volunteered for the animal preserve park near our home where he helped keep the place clean and whatnot. He has done a ton if volunteer work. You'd think he'd be a nice guy and well he is... To everyone except me. He acts like I'm worthless because I don't do the things he does. And he thinks I would be well suited to take care of animals or people because I'm ALWAYS offering to do things for him and our parents. 

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## Kuraudia (Jan 15, 2014)

Voltage said:


> The thing is, he is 19 years old. He was A LOT nicer before he got back from Americorps. And when he is drunk (he gets really nice and very truthful when he is drunk) he tells me that he can't help being a jerk to me and that he doesn't want to but it just happens. On the bright side he got a job with the NCC and his job requires camping at the site of his current work location. Like right now he is camping at the lake. Basically he is pulling out huge weeds that are an invasive species that is harming the environment. My brother has done a lot of good things. Like volunteering for habitat for humanity and at shelters. He has taken care of animals, he built houses for the people who lost theirs in natural disasters, he has volunteered for the animal preserve park near our home where he helped keep the place clean and whatnot. He has done a ton if volunteer work. You'd think he'd be a nice guy and well he is... To everyone except me. He acts like I'm worthless because I don't do the things he does. And he thinks I would be well suited to take care of animals or people because I'm ALWAYS offering to do things for him and our parents.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Make sure he's drunk 24/7 
Nah, just kidding. I'd just give him time. He is a nice person, he'll get round to being nicer to you. Siblings fight, but that doesn't mean you're always fight. In the meanwhile, don't take any crap. Maybe he does it because he knows it gets to you?
PS, sorry for answering so late, I was busy preparing for an exam


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