# How do I keep myself from stealing the piggies?



## Rumy91989 (Dec 31, 2012)

Ok, I have a problem. I am a control freak and I know that, but it seems to be especially bad with pets. Once upon a time my fiance and I had a rotation where he took care of some of the cats' needs and the rats' needs and I did my share and that was that, but I slowly took over the whole process which prompted him to want to have pets of his own that were only his responsibility that he could bond with who wouldn't immediately run to me if the two of us were in the same room. So on Saturday we got two baby guinea pigs and he loves them a lot, but so do I. I've ALREADY found myself checking up on them and asking him if he did this, or that, and running over to their cage to handle them or cover it if the cats are in the room and twice I've refilled the hay without telling him it was out. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO STOP MYSELF. I need to be able to distance myself from these girls enough to let him have the pet experience he wants, but I'm having such a hard time and it hasn't even been two days. Does someone have good advice on self control?


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## cagedbirdsinging (May 28, 2012)

You can't change your fundamental nurturing personality. Are there any pets that you would not be interested in that could be his alone?


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## Rumy91989 (Dec 31, 2012)

Unfortunately I'm not sure there are any animals that I really don't like... I'm certainly not a big fan of tarantulas, but I know myself well enough to know that even if I never wanted to handle it I'd constantly be thinking about its care. I think it might come down to a trust issue for me (as most controlling behaviors do). I think I just have to convince myself that they will be fine in my fiance's care and that he really does know how to care for them (which he does). *sigh*


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## Jackie (Jan 31, 2013)

In my opinion it's hard to change that part of yourself. I do that with cooking where most times it has to be done my way so I feel bad because even if I want my boyfriend to make something I can't hand over the reins because I want it to be "perfect." 
Anyhow just trust that he knows what he's doing and let him take care of them if he wants to. If he isn't doing something like not refilling the hay, just remind him that they need more.


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## Possum Rat (Dec 30, 2012)

If you are like me & many others...'no one takes care of your pets like you do'. You know when something is "off" or not just quite right with them, ya know like a mother naturally is. I am sure he would take care of them fine, but not exactly the way you do. Mothers are "cursed" with that instinct.
If you know you can trust him then that is the main thing.


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## Muttlycrew (Dec 21, 2012)

Well, first off I think it's just fine if you check on them or cover them from the cats. That's just basic protection.
I'm the same way though. My sister has a snake that I take care of (she lives with my dad and I don't, but I'm there fairly often) every time I'm there I clean the tank, wash the water bowl, change the bedding, etc. same goes for her mice. I always do it. Mostly because I know she won't. (Obviously she won't because I end up having to do it) yes I know she shouldn't have pets, but since they've always been taken care of[by me] my dad lets her keep them and he says the snake is mine, she says its hers, oh well. Anywho-to the main topic. My brother and I had guineas when we were little and his were boys and mine were girls so they were in separate cages. This being said, they were kept in the basement (our "family room" was down there, it was a super cool hang out spot) and I had the hardest time NOT taking care of his guineas. Instead, I made myself begin to just remind him to check on them every time I felt the need to care for them. He thought it was annoying but knew it was my way of keeping myself from doing it for him. 
Just try that.
Every time you go to do something, stop yourself and remind him to do it. Soon you may even find yourself putting him into the habit of it, and therefore you will not be able to notice things needing to be done since they'll no longer need to be done! 
Hope it works.. Worked fairly well for me. 


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## Jenzie (Dec 26, 2012)

I'm a control freak with pets too. I'll be going on vacation at the end of March for a week and I've already written up a five-page care manual for my family while they're watching the ratties, so I totally get you.

But I agree with Muttlycrew, it could work to just force yourself to, instead of doing things for him, just ask him "did you remember to ___?" every time. He might get annoyed with the constant reminders and questions, but probably less annoyed than he'd be with you "stealing" the piggies. If he's in the middle of something and he can't do whatever you're asking about at that moment, as for an exact-ish time he can do it. Like, "did you remember to refill the hay?", "yes/no, but I'll be doing it within the next 10 minutes". Then if it's not done around then, you can decide whether you want to do it yourself or ask him again.

I'm sure he's totally capable of taking care of the piggies (and I'm sure you know that) so you just need to relax and realize he's probably just doing things on a bit of a different time-table than you would do them. Hope it works out well!


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## Rumy91989 (Dec 31, 2012)

Thanks to your awesome suggestions, we've come up with a solution! (Which is basically what you're suggesting with his twist). When I'm doing my daily routine twice a day with the ratties (Feed and play in the morning, feed and clean while they free range at night) he'll be doing the same routine with the piggies (minus the free range as he has them out during the day). I'm allowed to refill water bottles or hay if I notice it and feel the need, though he'd prefer me to let him know about it if he's not otherwise occupied. I'm also allowed to handle them at my leisure, since I'm at work most of the day during the week and when I'm home he knows I'll be too busy with the ratties to handle the piggies as much as he does. So all is well for now, it seems. Thank you!


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