# In-laws trouble.



## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

For those of you who don't know, my husband and I live with his parents. He's 23 and I'm 22, His mum is 60 and his dad is 59. Mary, his mum, is honest to god losing it. I am not exaggerating when I say that she is a hop, skip and a jump to senile. Now I love his mum, she's a wonderful lady when she's not too busy trying to find her friggin marbles, but in the past year she's gotten to the point where we can't do anything about it because she *will not* listen to any of us. And if that wasn't bad enough, in steps Craig, his dad. 
Craig is a neat freak. He works 5 am to 7 pm, he's a federal prosecutor, Monday through Friday. Saturdays and Sundays he has off but often he'll into work on weekends. Now Tyler and Myself keep the house clean as part of an arrangement for us living here. We keep the downstairs clean, this includes the kitchen, living room and dining room. This is fine, we both think it's a reasonable arrangement. Now fast forward to 6 am today.

Ty and myself cleaned the kitchen and straightened the living room. We loaded the dishwasher and started it. There was four of five dishes left over, a couple of glasses, a plate, saucer and some forks; so I ran a sink full of hot water, put the dishes in and went to bed. I was going to let them soak for a few hours while I slept. Fifteen minutes after I came up stairs, wasn't in bed yet because I was taking care of my girls, I heard Craig get up and go downstairs. I didn't think anything about it because this was normal. As soon as he reached the kitchen he started yelling and cursing and was slamming cabinet doors. I heard a few things shatter before he stomped back up the stairs and drug Ty out of bed to yell at him. I thought it was best if I stayed out of it because I have a short fuse and once I'm pissed bad things normally happen. So I went to bed. When Ty got me up around three something the first thing he said was "Get a job, any job. I don't want to live here anymore." And I wholeheartedly agree with him. Mary's friggin lost it, Craig gets pissed over a few dishes and throws a plate and a glass across the room. That kind of childish temper tantrum is ridiculous. He's a grown dang man, he's not 3 and he shouldn't be able to act that way. 

So needless to say I'm now looking for a job and a place to live. Because neither of us can stand to be in this mad house anymore.


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

That is the best solution to an unpleasant situation. I know exactly how it feels to live under the same roof with people who have extreme emotional problems. You cannot choose your husband's family, but you can choose not to live with them. I wish the two of you the best of luck until you are able to get a place of your own!


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## Jessiferatu (Apr 30, 2014)

Ugh, I can't stand adults who have temper tantrums. Especially over stupid things.

Best of luck to you in finding a job and a place to live.


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## bloomington bob (Mar 25, 2014)

It seems as if Craig is overworked and overstressed, and he's likely to have other outbursts like this. Moving is a really good idea.


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

I agree with you, Bob. Were not doing so hot financially, his oldest son finally got his own place about a week and a half ago and his baby is due next week. So that's a stresser. We've had to have our kitchen and living room remodeled and that set us back quite a bit. Usually Craig is easy going. But this morning was unacceptable. Not even my younger siblings do something like that! 
The ironic part is that I was searching for places to live last night just to get a feel for the prices and actually found a nice little house for sale, 14,000, but I doubt it'll still be on the market once Ty and I have enough saved to start looking 
Then this morning Ty woke me up by telling me that we need to move. 

Delila, 
Believe it or not but his family's not the ones with the extreme emotional issues, it's mine lol I can't live under the same roof with my dad, we're constantly at eachothers throats. Now that I live three states away we get along splendidly!
As for Craig, his temper tantrum was a rare one. Usually he just talks down to you till you're guilted into a corner. Only thing is is when he tries that shite with me it doen't work. I just get mad. then i have to leave the house to calm down.


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

Oh, it is good to hear that this is a rare occurrence! I assumed that his outbursts were common. Not that talking down is a better way to treat people. Are you two in a position to rent a cheap apartment or are you looking to buy as soon as you can?


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

Honestly we're not in a position for either  Ty's the only one working, I've been looking for another job since December. It seems every time I put in an application the store has already hired someone else. It's beyond frustrating and honestly if it weren't for the fact that we're living with his folks we wouldn't be able to support ourselves. 
I love my in-laws, but holy dang I can't stand living with them. The only upside is that Ty's older (and only sibling) just moved out a week and a half ago. I can't stand Nick, he's a prick. He lived with us instead of with his pregnant wife. Ugh that's another long story for a different time though. 

I'm grateful that we're living here, it could be so much worse. We're indebted to them and I love them but if we don't get out soon I have a feeling that things won't go over so well


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## bloomington bob (Mar 25, 2014)

Hopefully Nick moving out will lower the tension level enough so that, while there might be some more outbursts, it will be livable there until you can afford to move.


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## HeatherElle (Aug 16, 2012)

Just keep your head down and keep everything as sparkly clean as you can while spending every waking moment searching for a job, so you can get out. I hope you find something soon!


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

I would just try and not be home as much as possible until you have better luck with jobs, maybe get into a bit of volunteering. It might also help to try and be as passive and agreeable as possible- just do little things you know he appreciates. You mentioned that he talks down to you, and I find that those personality types are much easier to deal with when you just agree. I know it may sound bad to not stand up for yourself, but you are looking to leave soon and no reason to make life more difficult for yourself by adding tension between family members. Of course, I say this from my own personality and experience, I do not like confrontation and don't really get angry so it is easier for me to advise you to be the same; if your personality type just doesn't "roll over", I would at least avoid getting involved in situations that cause these outbursts. Keep telling yourself that this is definitely not permanent!


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## nanashi7 (Jun 5, 2013)

I'm around your age. I've found that autonomous adults living together, no matter the arrangement, always rub against each other. Me and my mom are best friends now that I'm on my own but in two months I move back in due to losing my job and I just know everything will get harder. One thing I try to do is to playact. This sounds awful, I know. But she really enjoys old movies and making crafts so every other weekend or so I go and watch movies all day and sew or knit with her. This times are nice even though they're not my favorite thing to do, and I think they help loads. Maybe you could do something like that with Mary?



If you ever need help with your resume, by the way, I had one made by my college a few years back and have saved it as a template. 


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

Thanks guys, you've all given me ideas that I didn't think of and I will try them. I hate rolling over, I don't have a submissive bone in my body but I'll try to fake it if it gets him off my back. Mary, bless her heart, is very sweet but I'm not exaggerating when I say that she's fruit loops 95% of the time. With all the stress from Craig and the fact that my girls are giving me problems along with finding a job, I have very little patience for her senile moments and I honestly hate that. I love that woman like she was my own mum and I go out of my way to make things easier for her (she's disabled, she's had 5 major back surgeries, two knee replacements and a hip replaced) because she can't get around as good as she used to. But she still does things that are insane. One example is when it snowed here we got four or five foot of snow. She decided that she needed to shovel the whole front yard. I'm not kidding when I say that all the neighbors had four to five foot of snow in their yards and ours didn't. She built walls around our perimeter and every time it snowed she was back out there shoveling everything out of the yard again. I even went out and helped her because it was -10 and she wouldn't listen to me and I was afraid she'd catch her death. I managed to shovel the whole yard while she went inside for something, when she came back out she thanked me but refused to come back in because "I just want to touch up the yard". I was half frozen and mildly upset so I stomped in the house and sat on the heat vent till I was thawed. She stayed out there for another hour shoveling everything I had just shoveled. That's not even the craziest thing she's done.

She is into jewelcrafting and has been making jewelry for over twenty years. On occasion I pop in and make things with her, it brightens her day and I enjoy it too. But a lot of the time she's too busy doing something to be able to sit down and relax and watch tv or make things with me. So often I just do my own thing and she does hers .


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

It has only been a few days, but how is everything going?


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

Stressful =-=

Financially we're in the hole. Craig hasn't had a hissy fit since the last one but everyone's wound a little too tight. I'm a little peeved at Mary right now. Last week she threw out a bamboo stalk that Ty and myself had bought close to four years ago. I had clipped it off the original stalk because it wasn't thriving but the stalk I had clipped was doing great and I had it in a vase on the kitchen window ledge trying to get it to root so I could replant it. She tossed it but she didn't realize it was doing good so after a few minutes of deep breathing and pinching the bridge of my nose we calmly told her to NOT toss anything else that she didn't put there. Then yesterday I brought two clippings from two separate trees home. One a crab apple clipping I got from a tree down the road and one that was an unusual dogwood that I hadn't seen before that I had brought home from town. The dogwood had flowers but they had fallen off during the day, which is normal. Well I was asleep and she tossed my freakin dogwood clipping because "all the flowers fell off and made a mess". I could have put my fist through the cabinet I was so frustrated. We had already told her NOT TO TOSS MY STUFF!!! Aaaand now I'm frustrated all over again. 
So right now everyone's stressed out for different reasons =~=


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

Unfortunately, I would keep your things put up in your room if she does not meddle too much in there. I am sorry that you lost the old bamboo stalk though!


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

If I keep it in the room my girls will find a way to eat it, they always do lol 
I'm not as upset as I was now that I've calmed down but I'm still a little peeved. 

On another note though, I have cat grass growing in sterilized soil (it took 8 hours to sterilize, ugh) for the girls. They finally get a proper dig box!!


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

Naughty rats ruin everything . That is so exciting, they are going to love it!


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

Yeah! I've also got some wheat grass seeds I'm going to plant after the cat grass is torn up by them.


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

They will have a blast! Are your girls fairly welcomed by the rest of the family?


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## Hey-Fay (Jul 8, 2013)

Everyone up here, minus the brother in law and his wife, love my girls. I did have my adults, back when there were four instead of six, downstairs in the living room for a while but had to move them back upstairs due to renovations downstairs. Now Craig doesn't want them all down here because there's six. And I haven't done intros between my adults and my almost four month olds.


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## delilahrene (Nov 1, 2013)

That is so great that they are loved in the house. Hope intros go well!


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