# No Rats For Me



## KaylaMichelle

Yep, even after all this hoping not gonna happen and promises recieved, my fiance wont let me


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## Rat Daddy

I don't give family advise, but we all make sacrifices... it all depends on how important rats are to you as to who has to make the sacrifice.

And in a relationship winning a battle and making your partner unhappy comes back to bite you every time. That goes both ways so it's more of a proverb than advise.


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## Isamurat

I was in this postion around 10 years ago, my hubby didnt want rats again and to me they are a vital part of my family. We had a few disagreements about it before i sat down and asked him to list what his issues with it were. Then i went away and worked on compromises that could help resolve those. For him he had issues with the smell and mess, so I worked on minimsing them, it did mean i had to give up having the rats in the family room of the house, but we agreed to give them room in the study instead. I researched bedding and cage set up, we even decorated that room in such a way that minimal damage could happen from the rats. I agreed to cap my limit, first at 4 but since at 6 and mainly keeping one sex. I also made sure to set asside hubby time as well as rat time, as he was worried hed get left out. He still wasnt keen but over a few months he saw how much it mattered to me and we got there. It takes time but its worthwhile, and i agree with rat daddy, if no one can compromise then its not going to go well long term, though there are also times when any partner has genuine reasons why something cant happen.. Say if my hubby was badly allergic to my rats, i would give them up, plus we have a long term agreement that if i find something that reaches my rat shaped hole and fills it just as well, but lives longer, then i will do that. My husband did love the first trio we shared, but he was devastated when they died after a couple of years, i would like for him to be able invest and love an animal again.


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## nanashi7

You should be wary, he can't string you around with "yes" and "no" on his whim. You guys are supposed to be unified and it is sounding a bit controlling.


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## KaylaMichelle

His reason is the money, hes never owned rats so he feels its a waste


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## zmashd

Getting a pet is never a waste. It's an investment on a new family member. An investment of money, time and love, for awesome returns.

When I first introduced the idea of getting rats to my partner, he wasn't very happy about it. We are extremely tight on money, plus we've been desperately waiting to have the right conditions so he can bring his two cats back to live with us (they live at his mom's atm, because the apartment is too small and has no outside space... ). He also thought it would be a "waste of money".

After me building a cage that ended up costing next to nothing and comprising a list of monthly costs (and a lot of nagging), he gave in to the idea. He mostly understood how happy it would make me and how important it was for me, and "figured that, if anything, that wouldn't be a waste of money" - his words.
Now he really likes the boys. He keeps on raving about how cute they are, and he's happy that I'm happy with my two little fuzzballs to love. (though he gets jealous sometimes. haha)


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## nanashi7

Isn't it enough to see you happy?

Two rats, frugally cared for, mean a start-up cost of about $150-200 and maintenance between $50-100/month at most. That is cage, food, bedding, the rats themselves, and potential vet visits. I spend substantially less on my rats -- use homemade toys, buy food and bedding in bulk. I got a used cage, made it good for rats using $20, two rats cost me $10 to get, and then initial toys/bedding/food was about $90 and lasted nearly 3 months. 

The timing is pretty good because you'd have tax returns soon.


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## cagedbirdsinging

KaylaMichelle said:


> His reason is the money, hes never owned rats so he feels its a waste


How about paying for them yourself?


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## KaylaMichelle

I would pay for them myself, except I just left my job, with him supporting me to leave due to the fact my boss was extremely rude and always put down myself and the other workers. So I left. 

I tried explaining to him that I could build a cage that would cost next to nothing. He doesnt want to do that. I tried explaining I could manage with a cheaper cage until I got another job, he doesnt want to do that. 

I showed him price ranges on everything, he still isnt sure.

Its not a matter of how well ill take care of the animals, he sees I take care of my and his pets very well. 

I am not sure why he is so sure that it wont happen. This is far from like him, usually he always wants to do whatever he can to make me happy


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## zmashd

Does he have any underlying fear/disgust of rats? I mean, most people don't see rats as an awesome, smart, loving family member. My partner sure didn't, even though he didn't admit it!
It was promptly fixed by showing him videos like this one. You'd be surprised on how well a bombardment of rattie cuteness works on most people. haha. My mom went from being scared and disgusted to "awwwwwww, and look at their cute little whiskers"


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## Ergala

My husband was dead set against me ever having another rat after Poppy. I never want to say a rat was mean but she was vicious. Not to me but to him. Something must happened to her at the pet store because she was ready to tear his throat out the moment we got her home. For over a year she would maul him whenever he'd walk by her cage, if he was the one to feed her she'd attack his hand, she'd seriously hated him with a passion. He never yelled at her or swatted her. He tried everything to be friends with her. She'd let me pick her up and she'd give me kisses and love me up and play with me just fine....but she HATED my husband. She even attacked our kitten so bad we had to get our kitten stitches in her paw. We finally had to rehome her after we had a baby. It was dangerous. I was the only one who could touch her or go near her in our house. We explained this to the new people and they managed to work with her somewhat. But I honestly think that she was abused at the store by a man. Because of this my husband said NO MORE RATS. It was his first experience with rats. Not mine though, I knew how sweet they could be.

This year on my husband's birthday he surprised me with Pacha....and I have to say he is quickly changing his attitude  He is seeing how sweet and lovable they are. He already knew how smart they are but she is showing him their personalities in a good way. I think when we pick out our second one I'm going to let him pick her out and she can be his little buddy since Pacha is very clearly bonded very closely to me. If we had room for a second cage I'd get a male pair and let him pick out a pair of boys to bond with. But for a husband that was absolutely dead set against rats....when he saw how much I loved Pacha when I saw her at our friend's store when I was petting her....he said he knew she made me happy and had to let me have her for an early birthday present (my birthday is this Saturday). He was willing to take that chance, that is what being a partner is all about....taking a chance for the sake of the other person. I hope your fiance comes around hon....I know that I'd be heartbroken if my husband still said absolutely not. I let him get hamsters when I said NOOOOOOOOO at first....they make him and the kids happy.


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## Isamurat

It sounds like theres a lot going on for you both at the moment, and he's probably feeling quite stressed and responsible for you both even though hes happy your out of a horrible situation. Id give him a little while to think on it and then talk again, find out if the cost is really whats bothering him, then perhaps go through all your finances, him saying no to the rats just on cost may actually be him worrying you no longer have enough to make ends meet overall, and a bit of reassurance of budgeting might help that. If that then means you can afford rats then you can talk about that again, if not you could agree to wait until you get a job, even a part time one.


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## nanashi7

This entirely depends on what your relationship is with him and his personality is but...

When my boyfriend would make absolutes like this that weren't founded in reason and would hold steadfast to them (he didn't want me to get budgies, for example). I do one of two things. If he knows he is being mean, I'll go to the pet store for supples for one of my pets and then I'll moon over the pets I want. Option two, he comes home to me having the pets. The latter one does tend to cause arguments and such but I don't make him suffer my choices and I have him sit and play.

I did the first for my budgies and he relented if I only would meet certain demands (waiting a month, getting supplies beforehand). The latter was for my rats. I called him, got him to ride with me with an empty box (and giving me directions) and then plopped two babies into it.


Do you collect unemployment? Have you filed your taxes? Even though you quit, you should be able to get a refund (I work part time and still get a sizable refund around $700-1000).


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## Sylver

Personally I'd wait til you were employed again, then get what you want yourself once you have the spare funds. That's what we ended up doing this last summer. I'd been the one that had been employed for a few years, and husband had not, so didn't get our rats until last summer after he'd gotten a job. Then all the bills were covered, we'd already long since made an artform out of being a single-income poor family anyway, so we had extra money and the startup costs well covered. 

If that's not viable, another option would be to slowly acquire the things you need over time, grabbing them when they're on sale cheap somewhere. Will take you some time to acquire all of it, but when you do it that way it won't seem like such a shock to the wallet like it does buying everything at once. Rats themselves are cheap. It's everything that goes along with them that makes them start costing. Do remember that there may always be some vet bills that pop up once in awhile as well.


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## Adrian

Perhaps save some money for a while and then get them. A lot of money. My 3 new boys have cost me about $500 in under a month in vet bills.


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## KaylaMichelle

The reason his thing about money doesnt make sense to me is we live at my parents to help them as my dad has been...rapidly... declining in health.. So no bills, no stress. His truck is paid off. We have 3500$ in a savings account... He doesnt seem to be bothered by rats, When we went to the pet store and I wanted to play with them as I was holding them he kept saying how cute they were and stuff. So idk what it is


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## evander

ok since $$$ doesn't truly seem to be the issue. Try explaining to him how stressed you must be wth your dads health and how giving and getting love from the rats is therapudic for you and hopefully he comes around. 

If that doesn't do the trick then it may be a control issue and that my rat loving friend is a big issue. Comprimise is such a big part of all relationships! And I agree with ratdaddy & Ismarat.

Good luck to you!!


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## KaylaMichelle

Suppose I should update this now, my Fiance finally caved in  He agreed to get rats! 

THE KICKER? 

4 OF THE LITTLE GUYS!
He wants 2 for himself xD


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## Jaguar

KaylaMichelle said:


> Suppose I should update this now, my Fiance finally caved in  He agreed to get rats!
> 
> THE KICKER?
> 
> 4 OF THE LITTLE GUYS!
> He wants 2 for himself xD


Awesome! Glad to hear he changed his mind. He'll be glad he did - they'll be so much fun for both of you.


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## KaylaMichelle

I know and they will be his first set of rats! Making it double the excitement!!


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## abratforarat

You mean your husband won't let you have rats????


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