# I feel like an awful rat parent :(



## zombiesrkewl

So I haven't been on the forum for almost a month now because my mother broke her femur, which is especially bad for someone in their sixties. She moved in with my girlfriend and I because it was really hard for her to get around. Initially, I was nervous about this because my mom and I were really close when I was a kid, but as I reached my teenage years all we did was fight. Besides that, she's never been 100% comfortable with the fact that I'm dating a girl, although she keeps this to herself most of the time. I was actually pleasantly surprised by how things turned out. We got along better than we had in a long time, and she and Anna actually really hit it off.

Now comes the sad part. About a week ago my rat Sophie developed pneumonia and died. Sophie and her sister have always had sensitive respiratory systems because of how terribly they were cared for by their previous owner. As such, I've always paid special attention to their health and made note of every sneeze, sniffle, and squeak. Somehow in the chaos of taking care of my mom, trying to keep up with caring for 3 rats, 2 dogs, & a bearded dragon, and still trying to have a life, I let Sophie's illness slip by. I don't even remember noticing her sneeze until last Tuesday evening. I had the 3 rats out on the bed playing. Sophie is usually the craziest of the bunch, but she seemed a bit slower that night and every now and then she'd stop and sneeze. I decided that I would get some medicine for her the next day (I work at a vet clinic). The next morning she barely had enough energy to lift her head. I quickly brought her into work with me, and the vet did what he could but she passed away in my lap that night.

I feel so horrible. Anna's been telling me that it wasn't my fault, and that she already had a shaky immune system to begin with, but I can't stop cursing myself for waiting on my mom hand and foot and not taking the time to notice that my rat was sick. I'm a vet tech! Helping sick animals is my job! How could I not notice... I think I've probably cried six times since she passed, the whole time hating myself and wishing I could go back and change things. My neutered male seems to be missing her the most out of the two remaining ratties. He and Sophie used to wrestle and play a lot, and I think he misses that. Pandora (Sophie's sister) seemed a bit lost the first day or so, but she's pretty much back to her normal self. She's always preferred my company to that of other rats, so I'm not too surprised.

I'm so, so sorry Sophie. I will always remember as crazy little acrobat.


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## zombiesrkewl

Some pictures of her from about a month ago.


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## Ellavedder

oh she is super cute. i teared up a little reading this because i 100% fear that happening. im so scared my girls will die and to feel it was due to lack of attention. but like you i know that no one would be able to convince me otherwise. so although you believe you have some blame in this, be kind to yourself and remember that you are 100% the reason she had any of the great times she had whilst with you. you kept her healthy, fed, entertained and loved. dont just focus on the bad because it was only a small small part of her great life because of you yeah? she could have been with a really horrible person. be kind to yourself


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## Andyurgay

I felt the same when I had to let go of one of my first girls due to complications from an accidental pregnancy. The guilt just sticks. But with respiratory issues being so prevalent in rats and them being so good at hiding illness, this kind of thing can happen to anyone. Even a vet. You can ask anyone here and most would tell you a story of a vet over looking an illness in a rat because its their nature to hide those kinds of things. And especially if her immune system was already compromised because of where you got her. You saved her from a bad place and gave her the love, attention and a great, clean home with vet care when needed. Its no ones fault that she passed. If she passed so quickly, its likely she hid it so long that there would be little you could have done for her medication wise anyhow. Just be at peace knowing you gave her the best life she knew or could have asked for and she passed in the loving arms that she loved and felt safe in. I'm so sorry for your loss, I just hope you can take comfort knowing that she felt love and comfort and that you did what you could. Many of us freak of over a sneeze that turns out to be nothing and its hard to tell with these little fur balls what is a bad or normal thing. A simple sneeze is easy to overlook, especially with everything going on in your life right now. Don't be too hard on yourself. It could happen to the most seasoned rat owner, vet or not. It will be okay. She was loved till the end and that is what mattered to her I'm sure. You gave her the best.


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## PurpleGirl

Remember that rats are really good at hiding when they're not feeling 100%, it's in their genes to hide illness for as long as they can to keep them safe from predators. You tried to help when you realised, and you were with her when she passed, so at least she was comforted, and you gave her a nice life and rattie friends after a clearly bad start in her life. When a family member is sick and you need to give them a lot of attention, other things slip by, it's just what happens but it doesn't make you a bad person, you were just caring and focused on helping a sick person, which is something to be proud of. I'm sorry for your loss of Sophie, she was a beautiful girl. Give your boy a big comforting squish and don't beat yourself up over this.


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## abratforarat

Oh she's so lovely! I'm so sorry. Rip little girl. Its not your fault, really!


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## zombiesrkewl

Thanks for all the kind words, guys. It is getting easier with time, but I still get a bit of a lump in my throat when I walk by the rat cage. It seems so empty.

I'll probably be getting another rattie soon. Three is a good number for me because it's enough to keep them from getting bored, but still easy to look after. Besides that, Mick really does need a playmate. Pandora's never been much of a wrestler, and prefers to cuddle rather than play. I was thinking about getting one this weekend, my girlfriend even offered to drive me down there to see them myself, but even looking at the shelter website was hard. I found myself unintentionally searching for another black berkshire, and comparing all the rats to Sophie.  I guess I'll try again next weekend.


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## Ilovemybabyrats

She was so beautiful. I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault though. Like they said, rats are great at hiding illness. I had one that a vet told me was well again relapse and I lost her. I lost another when she died of her illness the day after looking perfectly healthy the day before, and another who I thought was well again die two days after his meds ran out. pneumonia is a terrible nightmare. So don't blame yourself. she was lucky to have you.

By the way, congradulations on having the courage to be yourself and find the one you truly love.


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## zombiesrkewl

Ilovemybabyrats: Thanks. She's been really understanding with this whole situation. She left work early the day Sophie was really sick, and she was sitting right next to me when Sophie passed. She's been doing her best to make me feel better. Last night she put on Ratatouille and made these little freezer-aisle french hors d'oeuvres. We sat and watched the movie with the rats.  It was really sweet and made me feel a lot better.


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## Ilovemybabyrats

Awe. she sounds like a very special person and I'm glad you had a special night and are feeling better.  If you want to talk, let me know anytime.


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## sherlockandwatson

R.I.P She was a cutie. Your not a bad mom you just have a lot going on and sometimes it's hard to realize that a few sneezes might be more. .


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## Rat Daddy

Rest in peace Sophie...

This won't help, not today... maybe not ever... but it's true never the less...

We can all drive ourselves insane calculating all of the what ifs.. What if you never met Sophie? What if you noticed she was sick sooner and she died anyway? What if she hadn't die and you never adopted your next rat, what would become of her?

Fuzzy Rat, out dearest furry friend passed away July 15, 2013, on or about the same day Max, our current true shoulder rat was born and was about two weeks old when we adopted her two weeks later. What would have happened to Max if Fuzzy Rat lived a couple of more weeks or ever days, or died a few weeks earlier? 

Many years ago as I was leaving the office the phone rang. I went back in and still missed the call, I was delayed a few minutes... On my way home I came across a multiple car pile up where a car had jumped the concrete divider and crashed onto another car and several more cars piled into the carnage... The police weren't there yet, the cars were still smoking or steaming... If I hadn't gone back to answer the call I would have been dead center in the middle of the pile up, perhaps dead.... What if? What ifs can make you sick.... Somehow and I'm not sure how... all you can do is make the best of the situation...

When Fuzzy Rat passed away, we had room in her cage and a terrible vacancy in our hearts. Rats live fast, die young and make room for their next generation... To honor our commitment to Fuzzy Rat and to give her life more meaning we adopted Max who was in a feeder bin and needed a forever home desperately... I don't think we were really ready for a new rat, but we caught up in time and we have Max to show for it, she's a good girl and we are proud of her too.

You can't go back in time, nothing you might have done might have helped, you could have died in a car crash taking her to the vet's office... the what ifs are limitless... 

All you can do is the right thing now... Whatever that is, it's still an unwritten page you can improve with your story. Cherish Sophie's memory by doing the right thing now, not hating yourself for what is done...

You were blessed to have Sophie and she blessed by having you... Her time has past now, her job done... her legacy is with you, just make her proud...

until you meet again over the rainbow bridge. Life is short, love is forever...


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