# Boyfriend troubles...



## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

I don't know why but it makes me feel better posting it here than any where else because the people of this forum are so amazing.
I've been with my boyfriend almost two years now and have lived with him over a year. He has never been very talkative... To me that is....
He is the sweetest guy, and always helps me with absolutely anything I ask. He will give me massages, he gets me gifts sometimes, comforts me when I'm sad. I lived with him and his family for a year and now he is living with me and my family as of a week and a half ago. My parents really like him. He gets a long great with my dad which is a first time for any of my boyfriend's. My dad is the kind of guy who would have the shotgun ready. Not that we have one. But I mean he can get real mean and real intimidating. My parents have hated every guy I've ever been with until I got with Zach. He is a hard worker, has a good heart and even a good sense of humor. He is usually pretty quiet though.
And... It just makes me so sad when he is talking to my parents or his friends or even a complete freaking stranger.... And he could tell them his whole life story and joke and laugh all day....
But when I ask him a question even one he obviously knows the answer to.... He just says "I don't know" and doesn't want to talk.
I feel like I'm the only one in the world he won't talk to.
I was downstairs getting something to eat and he was playing xbox joking with his friends over the mic and he made a comment about something and I giggled and asked what they were talking about because he was so amused. And he didn't even acknowledge my existence... Just before I had even gone into the kitchen he turned off the mic and I gave him a hug but he didn't seem amused. It is just really hitting me now and I went upstairs crying. 
I feel like he is never going to talk to me or open up to me. And he is just so wonderful otherwise but I can't stand this. I've brought it up so many times but I always get the same response. A grunt to let me know he is listening. 
One day we were at one of his train things (he likes model railroads) and me and him were l left in charge of the entire model railroad. And so I was asking him questions about different parts of the model and he would give me short brief answers. These ladies walk in (older women, not like hot girls our age type deal) and he starts telling them everything about the railroad. He couldn't even give me a two sentence description.... And they didn't even have to ask specific questions....
I'm just lost on what to do...

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## MightylilttleMinies (Jul 17, 2013)

How old is he? Cause my brother went through a stage like that for 3 years, where every answer was yes, no, I don't know, or just point at the answer. It's good to ask him about his trains(my brother actually has the same thing haha) one thing that helped was binging to EVERYTHING I did. So he was forced to really talk to my friends, which made his really uncomfortable at first, but he got used to it and talks more. 

But guys naturally find it harder to talk about their feelings, I've dated a guy that the only way I knew how he felt was his Facebook status, then when it came to me, one word answers. It's just harder for guys to express things it's just how their brain is naturally different. And some people are just quiet. 

The important thing though is he loves you and you love him. I hope things work out 


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## Crezzard (Jul 20, 2013)

Gosh he sounds like an idiot (no offence I can see you obviously like this guy a lot). He's definitely not giving you the attention you deserve. 
My advice would be to sit him down and tell him how it's making you feel as him what the deal is.. Does he not love you anymore? Does he not find you interesting or funny? Why does he want to keep you around? 
I don't trust this guy he sounds like a weirdo. 
I think you deserve a lot better 


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## nanashi7 (Jun 5, 2013)

My boyfriend is a real quiet guy, half my family can't hear or understand him when he speaks. He is also really awfully socially awkward. His awkwardness manifests itself into being a social butterfly of sorts, he can talk and make friends. I suppose it is a bit like how I get the giggles when I'm nervous.

Despite being able to talk and talk and talk with others, we don't actually talk that much. When we do, I feel like I often carry the conversation. After two years, I got fed up and told him that I am a bit needy and want him to talk. We had our silly little heart-to-heart. He told me that he sorta just enjoys that he doesn't have to talk with me. There's no pressure or whatever. He also said because he's so comfortable, he doesn't feel that "need" to talk per se. So, he never really noticed that he was *not* talking per se. 

It didn't really improve post-talk, unfortunately. You can say men don't express emotions well, or whatever you want. In the end, it came down to how I am. In short, I am very needy and sort of want my partner to give that assurance I'm not alone. It means that quite frankly I'm a bit miserable quite often. I'm sorry if it doesn't help much. 

I try to comfort myself knowing that it's not like the relationship is "bad" per se, just that we are opposites in regards to communication. He's very helpful and sweet and it's like I'm not missing much...so rather than focus on the hole, I prefer to compromise and comfort myself in what I have.


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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

Crezzard said:


> Gosh he sounds like an idiot (no offence I can see you obviously like this guy a lot). He's definitely not giving you the attention you deserve.
> My advice would be to sit him down and tell him how it's making you feel as him what the deal is.. Does he not love you anymore? Does he not find you interesting or funny? Why does he want to keep you around?
> I don't trust this guy he sounds like a weirdo.
> I think you deserve a lot better
> ...


I don't think he doesn't love me anymore. He just left everything he ever knew and loved in Michigan including his best friend, his dog, the model railroad he has put many years of hard work into and even had his name on a plaque in the building for how much of it he did. His own two personal model railroads and just everything he ever worked for to live out here with my family because I was miserable there.
He did some amazing things in Michigan honestly. He was in an equestrian team when he was younger and the house was littered in ribbons and trophies he had won. He volunteered his free time to help handicapped kids ride horses and volunteered at chi union station model railroad, the one he put a lot of work into.
I also had never dated a guy smarter than me before... He even worked two jobs for a long time.
He just doesn't really open up to me. 
And I do think it's my fault... The first time we dated he could talk all day and night and he would babble on about everything. He was head over heels for me and professed his love. Then I dumped him for some other guy who was pretty much the opposite of Zach. This guy was a nightmare and I drug Zach through **** with it because I rubbed it in his face (not entirely intentionally) but I wouldn't let him go, I just kept him on the sidelines and told him about everything and he would cry. This other dude, Jeff. He was mean, felt I had an obligation to him as a girlfriend. Was disrespectful to both me and my parents wouldn't let me have any friends destroyed my relationship with best friend and many other friends. It was awful. And that isn't even the tip of the iceberg. He would even spend all my money and wouldn't get a job. I was with that loser for a year and a half and I was trying to get away from him the entirety of it. Every time I would try to break up with him he would show up at my house and push me around a little bit til I agreed to stay together. One day I finally said no and wouldn't come outside and he banged on my door at two in the morning screaming obscenities and telling me to get outside. My bro called the cops and they arrived and removed him from the doorstep and took him to the hospital because he threatened to off himself. After weeks later he finally decided to go girl shopping and left me for some chick on facebook then came back to bother me after meeting her and finding out she was fat. Not much later and he found a girl to his liking and I haven't heard much other than his death threats since. He was one of the reasons I left Vegas because he terrifies me. He still to this day hates me and wishes me dead. And he told everyone that I put him on the hospital omitting the part about him threatening me at 2 am on my doorstep and my bro having to call the cops.
I was so ashamed of myself for doing what I did. Being with Jeff made me pretty paranoid about guys. And after awhile me and Zach got together and he has never been talkative a since. When we broke up he got depressed. His horse was murdered around the same time and a lot of things changed for him after that.
Sorry for writing you a chapter book



nanashi7 said:


> My boyfriend is a real quiet guy, half my family can't hear or understand him when he speaks. He is also really awfully socially awkward. His awkwardness manifests itself into being a social butterfly of sorts, he can talk and make friends. I suppose it is a bit like how I get the giggles when I'm nervous.
> 
> Despite being able to talk and talk and talk with others, we don't actually talk that much. When we do, I feel like I often carry the conversation. After two years, I got fed up and told him that I am a bit needy and want him to talk. We had our silly little heart-to-heart. He told me that he sorta just enjoys that he doesn't have to talk with me. There's no pressure or whatever. He also said because he's so comfortable, he doesn't feel that "need" to talk per se. So, he never really noticed that he was *not* talking per se.
> 
> ...


I think I am a pretty needy person as well. I love to talk. Not big on cuddling though. It's just that he used to to talk to me so much last time we dated and above I mentioned Jeff, I hated that guy pretty much the whole relationship. And I would call Zach at night telling him about all the things I hated about him. And when you hate someone you tend to hate everything they do so I even hated silly things. I guess it scared Zach. And maybe he is afraid he will give me something to hate. Other than the communication skills I don't think there is anything I hate about him.....
He actually has confirmed this. And I have as way of coping with it normally. I ask a lot of yes or no questions.
I know it's probably never going to improve though. Damage has already been done. I just miss when he used to tell me stuff....



MightylilttleMinies said:


> How old is he? Cause my brother went through a stage like that for 3 years, where every answer was yes, no, I don't know, or just point at the answer. It's good to ask him about his trains(my brother actually has the same thing haha) one thing that helped was binging to EVERYTHING I did. So he was forced to really talk to my friends, which made his really uncomfortable at first, but he got used to it and talks more.
> 
> But guys naturally find it harder to talk about their feelings, I've dated a guy that the only way I knew how he felt was his Facebook status, then when it came to me, one word answers. It's just harder for guys to express things it's just how their brain is naturally different. And some people are just quiet.
> 
> ...


My brother was actually like that to everyone except me. Me and him could talk about anything and laugh all day but to anyone else it was one sentence words. It's like the opposite for Zach though. I don't think it's ever going to change but I needed to vent about it.



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## Voltage (May 15, 2013)

Oh yeah and he is turning 25 in November.
I am 21 myself, just turned it. Not sure why I feel the need to mention that.


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## rubytuesday (Jul 23, 2013)

Okay so I just want to say that guys don't have a harder time expressing their feelings. Certain individuals have a hard time expressing their feelings to others. I know because I have a harder time expressing my feelings then my husband does because I don't often think before I speak. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my ADHD. Whereas my husband who is high functioning autistic is very good at telling me how he feels about any given thing. 

It sounds like the two of you need to have a talk honestly. Good communication is important and if you're not getting what you need out of a relationship and it isn't making you happy I don't see any reason to stay in that relationship no matter how "good" it is otherwise. I would tell him how you feel again and ask him where he sees this relationship going, if you don't want the same things or he still won't change his behavior even after telling him he has you crying in your room that isn't a good sign.


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## lalalauren (Jul 3, 2013)

My boyfriend suffers from depression and, when he has his down days, he's extremely closed off. It's like dating two different people and trying to work out how best to approach each person. I talk at him constantly when he's having a down day, and it destroys me a bit. He just nods and agrees with everything I say, and gives nothing back. When he's having his normal days, I am able to talk to him about how he reacted towards me on a down day, and we get a lot more communication out of it. 

If you do talk to him about it, and I think you should, you need to try and approach it on as good a day as possible, otherwise you'll just feel defeated if it doesn't work the way you want it to


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